Posts Tagged ‘LDS’

I said it once, and now I get to say again… anyone remember excommunicated Mormon Chad Hardy?

Hardy is an entrepreneur from Las Vegas who had an epiphany that, if directed to a niche audience, would cause him a winfall of cash money. The idea was a Missionary Beefcake calendar of all those hottie LDS door-to-door salesmen.

And it worked. So much that he was excommunicated from Utah. Yeah, he was a 6th-generation Mormon. Nice.

RNS BYU CALENDAR

Meet Miss May and Cover Girl. I'm sure she's a great cook.

Well, sad for the Mormons, it seems sex really does sell because Hardy is baaaack with something a little Oedipus complex-ish.

TheHot Mormon Muffins: A Taste of Motherhood calendar features 12 mothers who claim membership in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in vintage pinup picture poses. Each month also has a muffin recipe.

Genius. “Also has a muffin recipe.”

That’s like finding a dirty old man at the magazine rack in a truck stop. Of course, he reads that magazine just for the articles. And by the way, yes, he is just happy to see me.

This “muffin” calendar is the latest in the series of Mormon in print. The problem is that Hardy got the boot from the church, so you know Missus January through December could be next? Was it worth it? It is to Hardy. Just ask him.

“For Mormons, the most holy calling next to missionary work is motherhood,” said Hardy. “But they’re not all the subservient housewives that people think they are.

What? Did someone hurl a Ron Jeremy movie in the DVD player? What’s that mean?

The “Men on a Mission” calendar may have been done with tongue firmly planted in cheek, but this is done with a motive… and a bent. Dude is on a mission to make Mormons look foolish, but this could backfire because how many Atheists will consider flying to Utah just to get a calendar?

The funny thing about this imbroglio is considering the questionable marriage practices in the LDS church, does each month contain the multiple mothers of the same household?

Tami Roberts (seen pictured above) has three girls and is raising them to be devout Mormons.

“I also want them to be open, accepting of other people, know that everybody is not the same and that it’s OK to make your own choices,” said Roberts, who works as a restaurant server and confessed to having a few tattoos, generally considered taboo among Mormons.

Yeah, because having a tramp stamp in the middle of a baptism for some dead guy could be a skosh distracting.

No word from LDS central but something tells me you won’t see Hardy’s calendar on sale in Salt Lake anytime soon at Borders.

 

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There are many ways to answer that question, but one in particular, look at growth of the church body.

For instance, if you are still bumping into church members at the club, liquor store or the adult shop, both you and the “other dude from bible study” need to reconsider that whole membership thing and work on the salvation part of things.

Another is check the childrens ministry. Are the kids happy? Are they engaged? Or, if they are slightly more daring, are they bolting out the back and stealing Dad’s car making the getaway!? Yeah, that happened. Check the video, we’ll be back.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

A person considered to be a “very small driver” trolling through traffic would get my attention as well. Did you see that kid trek out of the car? That boy needs to holler at the U.S. Olympic Track & Field committee. He’s got a future.

And all because he didn’t want to go to church?! That’s sad. Granted, it’s in Utah, so there’s no telling what kind of church little man is petrified of visiting, but it begs the question… what makes it so bad?

Is the puppet show that awful? I know some folk just have smoker’s cough and thinks that’s a great character voice, but I wouldn’t tell the old man’s car because it blows that bad.

Maybe the children’s pastor is one of those retiree volunteers who obviously hasn’t had a kid in about 25 years? You know the type, balding, rotund and breath that could stop a Peterbilt in its tracks? That combination does not make a lovely church experience for the kiddos.

Or if it was a LDS church, maybe all the talk of the holy underwear spooked him out a little? I mean, freshen it up, Mormons. Put some Super Heroes on that handmade stuff. Maybe some sweet “Hello Kitty” bonnets for the girls and Mormon bloomers with the “Batman” insignia across the tail.

Anything, but just don’t let this happen again, because that’s not a shining indictment on any pastor.

“Ooooooh. You’re THAT church.” Yeah, not so much.

Okay, okay.

Surely, we jest with the Mormons because of their insatiable need to earn their way into heaven, rocking the holy underwear and belief that God and the Virgin Mary actually hooked up, thus a Savior was born.

I don’t know… call me cynical.

However, the traveling missionaries who don’t know any better are among some of the most dedicated people “of faith”. And when they are not trying to memorize biblical replacements like “The Pearl of Great Price,they eat up the Holy Bible in a way that should make most Christians envious.

That said, may I introduce the “Holy Bible in 60 Seconds… rapping by two pasty white LDS missionaries, no less.” Enjoy!

Masonry Shout Out to WOW News’ Idol Chatter.

Ever since Proposition 8, Salt Lake City has become the epicenter for homosexual showdowns.

It’s what you would expect, gay pride parades lampooning floats down Temple Square and others dressing as Joseph Smith in drag. Basically, it’s just annoying and doesn’t help the cause.

Until recently when a gay couple became the inspiration to an organized “kiss-in” on Mormon HQ property in downtown Salt Lake City. What transpired has become a citywide issue the LDS Church can’t even spin control their way and remove themselves.

More information taken from the Deseret News says:

The rally stems from a Thursday incident in which Derek Jones and his partner Matthew Aune were forced to leave the Main Street pedestrian walkway between North Temple and South Temple for what church officials labeled “inappropriate behavior.”

So, we have two guys who wanted to make a statement more than a PDA (public display of affection). Personally, they could have done that without the kiss in front of Temple Square. You catch that dude’s hair? Woof! Fashion po-lice. Pull over!

Anywhoo, the two were cited by the LDS goon squad, detained for Salt Lake police and taken to jail. For kissing? Um, while I may not concur with the whole kissy-kissy thing among same-sex couple under the guise of ecumenical equality, being arrested for it is another thing all together.

Getting pummeled in the local media, Temple Square PR came to the rescue (ish), thanks to KUTV:

“There has been a good deal of publicity surrounding an incident where two men were cited for trespassing because of belligerent and profane behavior on the Church Plaza, which is an extension of the Salt Lake City Temple grounds and Church headquarters. While this property is owned by the Church, we want it to be a place of beauty and serenity in downtown Salt Lake City for everyone.

As we said earlier on this matter, these men were asked to stop engaging in behavior deemed inappropriate for any couple on the Plaza. There was much more involved than a simple kiss on the cheek. They engaged in passionate kissing, groping, profane and lewd language, and had obviously been using alcohol.

Sure, there’s more but what difference does it make? It was this couple’s word against an organization that owns half the city. Whose report do you believe?

Understand, these were two were kissing in the middle of a pedistrian walkway – otherwise known as a street. So, why were they arrested there? The LDS church was sold that part of the street by the City of Salt Lake.

They would if they walked outside once in a while?!

They would if they walked outside once in a while?!

Why? I guess jaywalking offenses really rack up some fees for temple adornments or more holy underwear.

At any rate, we have a couple who were kissing, yet, from security cameras in the hallowed halls of the Temple, someone could tell “they had obviously been using alcohol.” Thus, this becomes a story of public intoxication instead of religious oppression.

Stay classy, LDS.

It’s not these two were crushing velvet boas, nipple tassles and doing each other’s hair (at least, that is obvious). No, they were expressing themselves the only way they know how to do it. And, instead of a church official coming out to talk, witness and show them love… you anonymously send a thug and get them arrested.

You are a letter from Christ…written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the Living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts. (2 Corinthians 3:3)

If you want these demonstrations to stop, why don’t you use right outside Temple Square as a mission field… you know, instead of sending your boys to knock on my door at all hours of the afternoon!

That’s where the love of God could be demonstrated. That’s where another letter for Jesus could be written. That’s where the Holy Spirit would be permitted to move upon the hearts of those follically challenged boys.

If there was any inkling of grace and mercy in those gold-encrusted hallways of yours, why not pry yourself off the throne and talk a walk on your own street. You would be amazed what kind of demonstration would happen then.