Posts Tagged ‘IRS’

Back in 2008, when the marketing machine for the apocalyptic flop, “2012” was in full swing, people were seriously considering the Mayan calendar to be more trustworthy than a Farmer’s Almanac.

Folk circled December 12, 2012 on their calendars as “The End” and planned their early Christmas shopping accordingly.

We spray painted story-after-story on the Wall about it too because of the near-phobic concern some dunderheads began festering in a deified puppy-iguana-really ugly dude named Quetzalcoatl. His “Age of Transition” was nigh upon us, only three years early.

As we know, we are still alive, the Mayans are still yet holding on for three more years and that movie blew. Much.

There will no movie rights for this tool.

And now I understand why… because the world was never meant to end in 2012. It’s 2011, according to this lovely biblical scholar quoted in the San Francisco Chronicle.

[Harold] Camping, 88, has scrutinized the Bible for almost 70 years and says he has developed a mathematical system to interpret prophecies hidden within the Good Book. One night a few years ago, Camping, a civil engineer by trade, crunched the numbers and was stunned at what he’d found: The world will end May 21, 2011.

“Crunched the numbers”?!

Dude, the Bible isn’t the IRS tax code. You can’t take your tattered KJV66 to H&R Block and stress the need for a rapid refund.

Never mind the fact he’s an octogenarian who has his own twisted Da Vinci Code. Ignore the fact he has supposedly been “scruntizing” the Bible for seven decades. And I suppose we can set aside one verse in canon he probably overlooked:

But of that [exact] day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father (Matthew 24:36 AMP).

Why? Because this guy has a formula rooted in numerology (and probably medical marijuana) that would make Ph.Ds in Physics blush:

The number 5, Camping concluded, equals “atonement.” Ten is “completeness.” Seventeen means “heaven.” Camping patiently explained how he reached his conclusion for May 21, 2011.

“Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D.,” he began. “Now go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., and that’s 1,978 years.”

Camping then multiplied 1,978 by 365.2422 days – the number of days in each solar year, not to be confused with a calendar year.

Next, Camping noted that April 1 to May 21 encompasses 51 days. Add 51 to the sum of previous multiplication total, and it equals 722,500.

Camping realized that (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500.

Or put into words: (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.

“Five times 10 times 17 is telling you a story,” Camping said. “It’s the story from the time Christ made payment for your sins until you’re completely saved.

Yeah, because Jesus just couldn’t his plan for global destruction through to this guy in algebraic equations on a wet nap.

Nice.

Advertisements

Earl Paulk will go down in ecumenical infamy as a preacher with more soil under his collar than the dude who does my landscaping.

During the hullabaloo of his legal issues before his timelyer, unexpected death, Paulk sold the Cathedral at Chapel Hill for what surmised to legal fees and a two-piece dinner at Long John Silvers.

Well, the Holy Spirit was asked to leave a while ago

Well, the Holy Spirit was asked to leave a while ago

And now, according to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, the former haven of hedonism has been sold to the Greater Traveler’s Rest Baptist Church for $17.6 million.

This was one of the largest religious facilities available in the United States,” Matt Messier, broker and principal for CNL, said in a release. “We are happy to have brokered a successful outcome for a property of this size, especially in today’s challenging economic climate.”

No kidding. It was 51 acres, 6,000 seats and fully equipped with a large fellowship hall, offices, classrooms and, oh yeah, a movie theater. Because there’s always the need to screen the latest flick by TBN for date night.

Rumor is, Paulk had many of those.

Anywhoo, on August 30, the church led by Pastor E. Dewey Smith will change Paulk’s former home into “The Hope Cathedral.”

Congratulations, Pastor. It’s truly a benchmark in the 132 years of your church.

May the anointing of God break every yoke that was upon that place when you take foot in the pulpit for the first time… and bathe that thing in Crisco oil. Just sayin’.

The economy sucks. People need prayer. And the government claims “Church and State” as a rally cry until they go hoarse.

And now, that lovely troika has parked itself right in front of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Moses UnemployedOf course, this issue will probably have to take the nickel tour and pray for a little notice, but hey, it’s making news because “We, the people” are finally making a big stink about pastors taking an unemployment check in the name of the Lawd.

Earlier this year, a survey by the National Association of Church Business Administration showed that 32 percent of responding U.S. churches had economy-related difficulties, up from 14 percent in August. Twenty percent said they had laid off staff.

So, there are a slew of church workers who surrendered to their call of the ministry and now surrendering for sacking groceries. Why? No unemployment. Again, why? No reason.

Said “separation” leaves folk pink sliped and penniless from churches, mosques and even synagogues because these religious institution don’t pay taxes, and because of that premise, they can’t fall at the mercy of the state.

What’s funny is legally these unfortunate, indentured servants for the Gospel may have a gripe and, at least, church secretaries may have an out.

According to the Church Law & Tax Report, New York law exempts from unemployment compensation coverage “a lay member elected or appointed to an office . . . and engaged in religious functions” and “a person employed at a place of religious worship . . . for the performance of duties of a religious nature.”

But here’s a salient thought: Why rely on the law and the government for these benefits in times of a storm?

If God’s children are supposed to be part of the same family, how is that those nepotism rights of passage don’t pass over when the father of the congregation gives them the boot?

Where’s the love, man?

Is the economy so bad that God’s generals have to pull ranks in times of difficulty and claim to have the salary of a private? Typical. And regretful.

Perhaps those upstanding, hopeful citizens of the New Jerusalem would be interested to know scriptures do not only apply to them. Take 1 Chronicles 16:21-23 NKJV:

He permitted no man to do them wrong; Yes, He rebuked kings for their sakes, Saying, “Do not touch My anointed ones, And do My prophets no harm.” Sing to the LORD, all the earth; Proclaim the good news of His salvation from day to day.

If I’m wrong, God will help each one of them find a job. But if I am right, I would hate to see what these leaders have to pay in the long run.

Meet Peter Rigo – charismatic leader of Dominion Christian Centre of Canada, self-proclaimed “King of Bling”, all-around Pulpit Pimp and borderline cult leader.

In other words, just another fool in the pulpit giving Christians a bad name in a worse economy.

prophet-profitAnd why care about this malapropos reprobate? According to WOW News’ Religion News Blog, Rigo used “donor money to pay for gym memberships, Gucci fashion accessories and trips to Hawaii.”

So, thanks to the actions of a few… watchdog groups that have accused this “church” a cult… the Canadian government have stripped Rigo’s bidness of its charitable license.

Why? Because it’s nowhere near charitable, unless you consider a parsimonious indulgence on his wife to be “charitable.”

After an audit of the church’s books, sparked by critics of its activities, the federal charity regulator has told the Dominion group that its assets have been misused, spent for the “private benefit” of Rigo, his wife and others. The regulator found that money contributed by donors and destined for good works was instead paid to fund “numerous personal trips, payments for privately used vehicles, gym memberships, food, lodging and other unsubstantiated payments.” Among the expenses that raised eyebrows, auditors say, were numerous purchases at “expensive fashion outlets such as Gucci and Dolce Gabbana.”

Nice.

So, here’s this former interior decorator gone Saul of Tarsus blinded by the light… of gold and jewels grabbed in the pulpit… who throws out the familiar line and “encourages believers to live effectively as Christians.”

And liberal theists, you wonder why folk have a serious weed with the dubious “prosperity gospel”?!

Listen, life is chock full o’nuts. But the problematic and troublesome scab that you just can’t peel off is most of those pistachios hang around the Church! And those garrish dolts see the evangelism of the lost as some cheap cash grab.

These days, and this economy, it’s so hard to trust the shepherds when most of the public ones are out to fleece the sheep… make Kashmir sweaters and embroid them with Gucci and Dolce Gabbana insignias.

Maybe there wil be a DVD set on “Five Easy Steps to Become a Cult Leader and Look Good Doing it” and then everyone’s happy. Well, at least they will be when he drapes on his Louis Vutton prison wardrobe.

What the famed prayer sculpture could look like now

What the famed prayer sculpture could look like now

Oral Roberts University has been going through the ringer lately. You know, having a president with a case of self-entitlement the size of this hair gel account and him bringing along a wife who has a hankering for cute co-eds and some text messaging will do that for a college. OMG!

Now, the lineage is gone (as is the endowment… allegedly), the frisky woman and her hot flashes have vanished, the debt is still an anchor around its academic neck and no leadership in sight… until now.

So, did they learn from their lesson, find a real academic and leave the TBN crowd behind? According to this story from the Tulsa World, um, kinda.

A pastor and missionary who turned a small Christian college into a recognized liberal arts university was named Wednesday as the candidate for president of Oral Roberts University... Mark Rutland is the author of 13 books and has a 30-minute syndicated daily radio program, “Herald of Joy.” He has also founded ministries in Ghana and Thailand.

So, we have a radio preacher here with a sterling reputation for hooking up megachurches to not pay its taxes?! Hrm.

ORU revealed in 2007 it was $55 million in debt, but a fundraising campaign has cut that amount to about $16 million.  A 2006 article in the Tampa Tribune referred to Rutland as a “turnaround man” based on his success in saving a megachurch in Florida that was $15 million in debt.

Multiply that kerfuffle by four and you have the trouble brewing at the Oral Roberts University. Rutland is an educator, but has been a missionary all his life. Trust me, this is a field to sow some seeds of accountability, deliverance, redemption and trust. Those are his lost children and the angst of public perception will be his persecution.

“I believe that the first thing that needs to happen is, at the wider constituencies at Oral Roberts, trust has to be restored,” he said. “The kind of balanced and thoughtful leadership has to happen there that can restore the goodwill of their constituencies and restore the confidence of Tulsa, Oklahoma, and the world.”

Well, he’s off to a great start. He agrees with me. Good times and keep your eyes peeled, Wall Watchers.