Posts Tagged ‘Hells Angels’

krampus-clausI have so many cutlines for this Christmas photo (YES! A Christmas picture, just for the kiddos), originally seen in Germany’s The Local, but let’s give this my Top 5:

  1. Krampus Claus?!
  2. This cat isn’t here for the holidays. He missed the GWAR concert down the street.
  3. “Satan”, “Santa”, “Poh-taytoe”, “Poh-tahtoe”
  4. That’ll fix those selfish brats who want more than the action figures under the tree
  5. And finally… an homage to the University of Texas: “Get your horns up”

And an honorable mention:

  • Is this what a “Hell’s Angel” is supposed to look like instead of the sweaty, swarthy wildebeast on a motorcycle?

Earlier last month, the Wall featured an odd brick that spoke of a Christian biker “gang” and the Hells Angels throwing down in a real life barroom brawl.

A couple of days ago, the uh, Set Free Soldiers’ “leader of the pack” – Phillip Aguilar – could lose his freedom. Ah, irony and richly deserved as well:

The pastor of a Christian motorcycle club pleaded not guilty Thursday to felony weapons and gang charges in a case that hinges on whether he heads a church ministry or an outlaw biker gang.

Phillip Aguilar, 61, pastor of the Anaheim-based Set Free Soldiers, pleaded not guilty to charges of being a felon in possession of a handgun, ammunition and brass knuckles, and of being an active gang participant. Four other members of the group, including his son, Matthew, 29, pleaded not guilty to weapons and gang charges, and another pleaded not guilty to attempted murder.

Is this why Randy Newman clamored, “I love L.A.“?! Seriously? This dude is so great at surreptitious witnessing that it’s possible 12 of his peers will decide if he is rocking a cross around his neck or looking to wrap it around someone’s medulla.

The former convicted child abuser (no kidding) has been rollin’-rollin’-rollin’ (Limp Bizkit, anyone?) for Jesus since 1982. The question apparently is has he rolled over anyone in the past 26 years leaving them for dead.

If you don’t believe me, just ask the Grand Jury:

The court rejected the prosecution’s request to bar Aguilar from associating with members of Set Free outside his immediate family, but did order that members of the group could not possess “dangerous or deadly weapons.

You know, when I think of most reputable preachers, I usually envision them packing heat or cloaking a shank in between the binding space of Malachi and Matthew. I mean, it’s on the regular, right? Big dudes with leather gear and vicious ink rolling on a hog are typically known for getting picked on by a mean team of roadside atheists who are hurling insults about their mothers and blustering, “Those colors better run… or we’ll kick your butt.”

Yeah, I didn’t think so either. Born to be Wild, eh? Wait until he gets into prison. That fool will change his tune – and then repent.

We know about the Hell’s Angels – raising cane, riding their bikes, pummeling tuirps in the local pool hall and selling dopeer, being capitalistic entrepreneurs.

Well, maybe there is a larger – and more reputable – gang syndicate out there that has a leader who has been rumored to do the unthinkable, the miraculous. You know the analogy, “It’s like he can walk on water.”

Let’s call this camorista, “The Heaven’s Devils” and its leader of the pack doubles as a humble carpenter when he’s not out transforming lives, raising the dead and creating a buffet out of a two-piece fish dinner. Evidently, he’s out recruiting gang members too.

Meet Tabitha Ruiz, a mild-mannered Seagoville (Texas) high school student.

Tabitha Ruiz says her silver and ruby beaded rosary is a gift from her mother that she’s worn ever since she was a child. She had it around her neck last week at Seagoville High School when a security guard stopped her at the door. “I went to school, walked through the metal detectors and they told me to take it off,” said the teenager. “I asked them why and they said because it’s gang-related.”

A ROSARY is now among the forbidden relics of theological lore because punks, hos and dimwitted folk in Hollywood use them as fashion accessories (among other things). Amazing. Is pop culture that powerful? Is the Vatican – or at least the local Diocese – that non-responsive and apathetic?

Poor thing.

When a girl can’t rock the pearls, it’s nice to be able to roll with the beads. That is, of course, she doesn’t want to be accused of packing a butterfly knife, zig zags and some heat – just in case some of the pesky, inked up ne’er-do-wells show up on her turf. Then its out with the KJV66 and “BANG BANG”, lead that fool to Church.

You pickin’ up what she’s throwin’ down? Feel me. Holla’.

You remember the play.

Set in Hell’s Kitchen, 1950s when duck butts, leather jackets and having a bent eight were the rage. Hepcats and their smokes rolled up in a sleeve trying to show off for the dollies racing for pinks. Craaa-aaaazy man!

Well, fast forward to today in Anaheim, Calif., only it’s not the “Jets” and the “Sharks” involved in the story. It’s the oldest gangs in history – Christians and lions, heaven and hell, angels and demons… you know, God and Satan. Huh? It’s true, only it was played out in a Costa Mesa bar where three bikers were injured in a brawl.

Meet the Hell’s Angels and the Set Free Soldiers. Nice.

Two biker gangs at polar opposite sides of the theological spectrum were involved in a barroom brawl the other day. (No, I really can’t make this stuff up.) Two Hells Angels were stabbed and a Set Free Soldier was hit on the head with a pool ball. [Let’s see, Satan – 1, God – 2. Well, go God!] And after 150 patrol officers and SWAT members raided the Costa Mesa bar, both sides of this religious kerfuffle were arrested.

The members of the Set Free Soldiers group were arrested for investigation of conspiring to commit murder, Newport Beach police spokesman Sgt. Evan Sailor said. The three Hells Angels were taken into custody for investigation of assault and drug possession.

Seriously?! What’s next? A terse basketball player waits for the circus to come to town so he can fight a midget clown and bill it as a modern-day ‘David and Goliath’. How about a zookeeper that loves his job too much, considers Greystoke to be his hero and then freaks out one day, marches to his bosses’ office and screams, “Let my people go!” Or I know, I know. Let’s get a powerful, notable person – say, a presidential candidate – to call himself a Messiah and half the nation fawns after him causing the other half to call him the “Antichrist.” Oh wait, that story line is already taken.

Ah well, boys will be boys. Only these had a bit more leather, a gallon more sweat and about 500 pounds more of side pork. I just wonder what set this fisticuffs off? Bad witnessing? The classic argument about oneness v. trinitarians flare up? Maybe one swarthy and chunky biker said to the other, “Do you feel pretty?” Yeah, that’ll do it.