Posts Tagged ‘Eucharist’

The Anglican Church of England, much like the Roman Catholic Church worldwide, like to share. I know, sweet, right?

Aerobic exercises during mass (“Stand,” “sit,””kneel”… “roll over”), pawing out of the same hands for the Eucharist and sipping out of the same cup (or chalice, depending on how shee-shee your particular house of worship wants to be).

Church. For when you really want to take cover.

Church. For when you really want to take cover.

Sound familiar? Well, now we can add communicable disease to the collection, thanks to this story from CNN.

The archbishops of Canterbury and York are recommending that churches stop sharing the chalice at communion over swine flu fears, the Church of England said Thursday. The archbishops wrote a letter to all Church of England bishops with the recommendation. It follows government advice not to share “common vessels” for food or drink so as not to spread the virus.

The “common vessel” in question in typically reminiscent of the mug Indiana Jones went trolling during his Holy Grail excursion, made nice with the Knights Templar, fought a gaggle of Nazis and bumped into James Bond. Not Roger Moore or the current blue-eyed dude. The other guy.

Anywhoo. The same golden chalice is given to the every believer standing in line waiting to take a sip of the wine. Sure, the cleric wipes it every time, but does that single cloth once-over does a lot for some slob with herpes and meningitis?

And, now we need to worry about folk walking around with swine flu. Nice. As if eternal damnation wasn’t enough to worry about, we have the dreaded H1N1.

“The Department of Health have recently advised us that ‘in a pandemic it makes good sense to take precautions to limit the spread of disease by not sharing common vessels for food and drink,'” the archbishops write in the letter.

Yeah, I would say that’s a good call. As if the dude walking up to the Bishop with the surgical mask draped across his grill wasn’t enough warning. So, lather up in Purell folks. Your next communion really could be your last supper.

(A little too dramatic? Man, I need to stop watching the news.)

Lent is among us… and for the orthodox Catholic Christians in the house, it will get on them in the form of Ash Wednesday.

In case you don’t know, or don’t work with any liturgical Catholics and ask them, “Dude, what’s up with your forehead,” this hallowed day is the first day of Lent.

Basically, it gets their mind right with the fasting (of whatever) has to occur until Easter. It’s about the simple things, the human things, the Godly things. However, according to the Washington Post, D.C. Bishops are getting all techie with it on this sacrosanct celebration.

In preparation for the beginning of Lent on Ash Wednesday, the Washington Archdiocese is launching a campaign that will use new technologies such as YouTube as well as old-fashioned printed invitations to try to draw lapsed Catholics back to church. The archdiocese has an estimated 580,000 Catholics, according to spokeswoman Susan Gibbs, but only about one-quarter attend Mass every Sunday. The $75,000 marketing blitz, with the slogan “Longing for something? Maybe it’s God?” is designed to increase that percentage.

ash-wednesdayYeah, because nothing quite says, “Come back to Jesus” like “Put some of this soot on your forehead, you big fat sinner.”

But you know, I actually applaud this effort. At least they aren’t doing another bake sale or community theater to get folk walking in the door. There are many, many people who used to warm a pew who are, you know, living in the real world. So they are divorced, shacking up or whatever else keeps them out of the sanctuary and in the bars.

Good thing the Bishops in D.C. recognize excommunicated doesn’t mean dead. Not taking a Eucharist doesn’t mean… well, Satanic.

“We wanted people to be able to ask questions,” [Archdiocese spokeswoman Susan] Gibbs said. “Sometimes they’re not ready to walk in a church door . . . or they might be embarrassed to ask a question, or they might be worried that they won’t be welcome. People who are divorced believe that they might not be welcome, and that’s not true. . . . We wanted to give people a way to . . . get in a dialogue about their faith.”

Dialogue is grand, as long as you don’t ask them about what kept them out of church or the confessional. Otherwise, that will become a monologue with the quickness. Which, by the way, makes sense since that is what most Catholics I know consider prayer to be in the first place.

MEMO to the frozen chosen: Jesus can talk back. Just listen carefully during mass. No, not to that cat with cold hands placing the sign of the cross on your forehead. But rather, when you are trying to rock it old school, chanting…

Memento homo, quia pulvis es, et in pulverem reverteris (Genesis 3:19 for those of you scoring at home).

…to take note you are not dust yet. Nor is the God you serve. Enjoy the day, and um, use soap.

obama-hypeBarack Obama is certainly the president of the 21st century with his mastery – well, actually the computer dorks he hired working in their mama’s garage – of the Internet, specifically social media.

From blogs to YouTube, if you were online, you got pinged about the BarackStar’s whirlwind tour about the man who would be king… I mean, the Antichrister, Dietyum, president. Whew!

Since he has been elected, he hasn’t missed a beat. Dude has given the White House Web site a much needed face lift, chin tuck and ear flap. And, he is still rocking his hand held video camera too.

Some presidents have all the luck, and the pontiffs just get the raw end of the scepter. Well, not Pope Benedict XVI! He dawns his red shoes from the Wizard of Oz and humming, “Whatever he can, I can do better” as he commissions his own band of brothers to develop the Papal Channel on YouTube. Take that, Mr. President!

The Vatican launched a video channel on YouTube that will feature news coverage of Pope Benedict XVI and major Vatican events. It marked the start of the Vatican strategic vision of working “to be present wherever people are,” said Archbishop Claudio Celli, head of the Pontifical Council for Social Communications.

You know, I heard you already had one up on the man once dubbed “Obamessiah“. Pope B16, if you are serious about “being present wherever people are,” you may want to direct the bajillion members of the Roman Catholic Church about the Holy Spirit!

You remember that guy? Third member of the Trinity? Big player with the omnipresence?

obama-pope1Just because more than 80 percent of the folk to whom you offer a Eucharist base their priest searches on last rites and house calls doesn’t mean they can’t operate a video player online. So kudos to ya for that one.

Now, that you need something to do, the Pope gets to star in his own film, minus the “Bow-chica-wow-wow” music.  And guess what, Catholic sports fans? He even “is aware” he’s on candid camera.

By creating its own channel on YouTube, which boasts 70 million viewers a month, the Vatican is seeking to give people the opportunity to access information about the Pope and the Vatican from a regular and trustworthy source, said Father Lombardi. He said Pope Benedict “was personally informed about the project and sees it as a positive step” forward for the Church.

Let’s see… the man rolls out of bed and gets some fresh air daily hanging out of St. Peter’s Basilica, has to scratch his toukas in front of the world and some tourist clips that righteous itch on his iPhone and all the world wonders if Il Papa needs some Preparation H.

Forget the evangelism. Ignore the universalism. Spare me the altruism. That was your inspiration for keeping up with the Joneseser, the Obamas.

WOW! January has been a busy month for God Sightings. I suppose Jesus and his mama was jealous from all the headlines this other messiah was getting, so they had to show up spooking people in small towns and trailer parks across the country.

tiles-of-godMeet Antonia Baker of Las Vegas, Nevada.

[A] West Valley woman says she has had the likeness of Jesus in every one of her kitchen tiles for eight years. Antonia Baker saw the image in the floor of her Lakes home for the first time three years ago during the Christmas season while she was recovering from surgery for an eye injury. Doctors said she had to keep her head down to allow her retina to heal. She wasn’t allowed to read or use the computer, so she had to stare at the floor for three weeks.

I suppose when you have to do that, either vertigo sets in or massive hallucinations. Of course, the sanctity of her floor touched her soul, and then she tried to touch her pocketbook by selling some of the tiles and grout on eBay. Keep it classy, woman.

My question is if she is making a PB&J and drops some bread on the floor, and then her dog swoops in to gobble up the scraps… does that bread become the Eucharist, and Fido just took communion? IJS.

Oh, and a hilarious, and highly ironic, side note: the reporter’s surname is “Pope”

The economy is tough, so suffice to say, some misanthrope holiday shopper was praying a little from store to store knowing full well the credit limit had a stop watch on it.

Makes sense? So, how come it took the Pope to think of giving all those who sweat at the cash register a place to go, sob and thank the Lord they didn’t go to jail for yet another bounced check?!

Where Cardinals go to hang out

Where Cardinals go to hang out

What am I talking about? See the picture?

This is the Tremestieri mall in Messina, Sicily, home to Italy’s first Roman Catholic chapel in a shopping centre. The idea is to allow shoppers to take time out for prayer, says the priest who blessed it, Father Giuseppe Lonia.

Nice. But what’s next Pope B16? Going to a grocery store and getting your Eucharist on sale… perhaps with some cheese and Kool-aid?

Perhaps, going to some morose, artsy clothing store to get your latest cleric garb. Black… it’s the new, well, black.

Whatever the trends, this mall chapel covers a multitude of sin. And how is the ACLU going to combat that one? Well, get one in your local stateside mall, and we’ll see. But trust me on this, rosaries will never go on sale. Hollywood keeps the mark up there already. Ah, religion and fashion. Good times.