Ever since Steve Jobs and the iPhone posse came down from on high and delivered to us common folk his revolutionary technology, people have been looking like Cujo for the latest in “apps”.
It’s now an advertising pop culture reference but seriously, regardless of what inane need you have… hit it… “there’s an app for that.” Thanks to an oddball list in Fortune, here’s a few of the dumbest:
- iNap – Need that power nap, then use this to play stupid noises like PC typing as your cover. As if your boss couldn’t look over your cube half wall to tell you are counting sheep.
- Fat Burner – Can’t get rid of that spare tire, then use this app closely located above your bellybutton and watch your phone vibrate the pounds away. Suck it “The Biggest Loser.”
- Flick a Booger – Never understand all the hubbub about “being mature” and “growing up”? Then this app’s for you.
And now, thanks to a story in the New York Times, apps have pressed an all-time low:
For religious skeptics, the “BibleThumper” iPhone app boasts that it “allows the atheist to keep the most funny and irrational Bible verses right in their pocket” to be “always ready to confront fundamentalist Christians or have a little fun among friends.”
Quite naturally, not to be outdone, some preacher’s kid living in his dad’s garage made a retort version:
Publishers of Christian material have begun producing iPhone applications that can cough up quick comebacks and rhetorical strategies for believers who want to fight back against what they view as a new strain of strident atheism.
Never mind all that Bible rhetoric and silly memory verses. Let’s make witnessing rely on straight technology. Forget all that “your word never returns void” mess. This makes preaching very… well, user-friendly.
With this dazzling display of “Wait, hold that misguided and sardonic thought” happening on any street corner near you, it seems these apps aren’t only for snarky comebacks, but the rules of engagement. Like they need that explained:
In a dozen new phone applications, whether faith-based or faith-bashing, the prospective debater is given a primer on the basic rules of engagement — how to parry the circular argument, the false dichotomy, the ad-hominem attack, the straw man — and then coached on all the likely flashpoints of contention. Why Darwinism is scientifically sound, or not. The differences between intelligent design and creationism, and whether either theory has any merit. The proof that America was, or was not, founded on Christian principles.
What kind of dolt needs a software program for the perfect bite-sized nugget in God’s Word in retort? Not this guy. Can you imagine you have that chance to lead someone to Christ on a street corner or in a restaurant, he or she is a little hostile what with all the hurting in the world and you say, “Um, hold that thought… Dear? Where’s my iPhone? I need to preach.”
Or on the other hand this bitter dude is so ready to give you the business about ‘If God is so good then so why do many bad people exist’ but first, find the app to hate on Christians because your debate skills aren’t quite what they used to be in high school.
Whatever happened to good ol’ Tetris?! Pac Man to help the time go by? Donkey Kong to assist you during those long bus ridge? Regardless, someone please stop the madness. I need to get off.
All I know is these apps are becoming a sincere pain in my Asteroids.