Archive for February, 2010

Source: FreakingNews.com

I have been belaboring this subject for a few days when the news became official about these two on the rocks, but a couple of salient posts from Another Bricks on the Wall Bene Diction Blogs On and I’m Speaking Truth inspired a brother.

Here goes…

I am not a proponent of divorce, as you can see in the previous tag on the Wall. If you can work it out, you should… that said, the Hinns worked everything out for more than 30 years. And now she leaves his tail?! No, no, despite the prayer vigils on TBN, something is not kosher with this situation.

Suzanne Hinn filed the papers in Orange County Superior Court on Feb. 1, citing irreconcilable differences, after more than 30 years of marriage. The papers note the two separated on Jan. 26 and that Hinn has been living in Dana Point, a wealthy coastal community in southern Orange County.

This is a woman who had the cash, the fame, the notoriety and didn’t have to do a thing… and still, she serves Brother Benny. This wasn’t some fresh revelation from God, folks. She has been harboring resentment against this coifed-hair-having, Nehru-suit-wearing dude for quite some time.

Think about it [cue harp music].

She has sat through the plights of vicious investigative reportingand stayed. She dealt with Sen. Charles Grassley demanding to thumb through the ministry’s mysterious financesand remained faithful. She put up with the fashion faux pas pandemics of his hair and his wardrobe… yet, she was still seen in public with the guy.

But now she is tired of his schtick and files for divorce. Um, not so fast lady. While you may have taken him off guard, some of us have you figured out. For instance, from the ministry’s global HQ in North Texas:

Pastor Benny Hinn and his immediate family were shocked and saddened to learn of this news without any previous notice. The couple has been married for more than 30 years. Although Pastor Hinn has faithfully endeavored to bring healing to their relationship, those efforts failed and were met with the petition for divorce that was filed without notice.

Get that, “endeavored”. This drama has been going on for a while; yet he never saw it coming? [Enter your own “Didn’t God tell him joke” here]. And “citing irreconcilable differences” is lawyer-speak for “she can’t stand you man now give her half”.

Why the sudden change of heart? Perhaps, she got tired of the game? Maybe, the stories of people who believed they were healed by God only to discover they were swindled by man finally reached the breaking point. While has been showing everyone he is bathing in the waters of revival, perhaps she was the only one who knew he was drowning in a river of shame and sacrilege.

You know, is Suzanne around so we can ask her?

Um… “Holy Ghost Enema?

You know, maybe heartache and heartbreak has nothing to do with it. Perhaps she is just as bananas as he is. God only knows why this marriage didn’t work because we dang sure don’t after that cavalcade of insanity.

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Marriage has been considered sacrosanct among Christ followers, cardinal among people of faith. So why can’t more Christians stay married?!

Come on, people. Yous gots some ‘splainin’ to do, according to this recent article by WOW News’ The Voice.

According to the article, marriage goes deeper than the ubiquitous 50 percent end in divorce. We get that, but on a quest to find love and catch lightning in a bottle, a few people in the Church are shattering that bottle not only once, but twice with 67 percent of second marriages and 73 percent of third marriages not making the cut.

In the words of a stoic and much-maligned street poet, “Why can’t we all just get along?”

Laura Baker, founder of Prasso Ministries, says that people who divorce once are likely to do it again because they are searching for identity in another person’s love instead of the love of their Heavenly Father…

“It’s easy to think that the answer is in a new relationship, but if the person is looking for their identity in the love of another person, the relationship is likely to fail,” Baker says. “Our identity can only successfully be found in the love of our Heavenly Father and in the identity He provides. Once that is settled, new relationships have a chance to flourish.”

Here. Here.

Divorce is so common in the church that seeing a “Divorce Care” group plastered on the marquee doesn’t even make the pastor flinch. This is a pandemic issue that makes the Swine Flu seem like the common cold.

Shoot, some good-intending folk in the Church have even created kitschy terms to cover divorce, like calling people “Re-single.” Cute, and would spouses then become “pre-used”?

Although some marriages in the Church last about as long as a test drive, it seems many consider marriage as a leased relationship – if you get tired of it, hand in the keys for a new one.

Why are Christians so quick to give up? I’m not talking the women in an abusive relationship or people that get married to one person who is a polar opposite of the shrew they became. I mean the “irreconcilable differences” crowd. That just means you two can’t get along and are sick and tired of being sick and tired, so its kaputz for all that “for better or worse” crap.

Does My Fair Lady get on my nerves? You bet. And trust me, the feeling can be mutual but we meant business when we got married. She is all that, and that’s as good as it gets for me. We will not separate because God said that we should not separate. If he wants that, he will back it up with his blessing, right?

“Haven’t you read that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?” So they are no longer two but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate” (Matthew 19:4-6 NIV).

While I applaud people for trying to find love and working to find a passion that was lost, look in your own marriage first not in the butterflies of some hottie batting eyelashes at you. Temptation – whether it’s the chocolate in the checkout lane or the seductress checking your groceries – is from the devil. And why would God bless any union devised on those roots?

Dearly departed, avowed atheist and genius comic George Carlin once quoted:

“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence?

Only if you mean it, brother. Just saying.

We all know Jesus is awesome at work, for work.

For most, if you side with righteousness in the commercial marketplace, you will get righteous sales. That’s a non-issue because the body of Christ may be many things, but one thing is irrefutable – we are loyalists to a fault. If it smells like a duck, we will quack all the way to the express lane to get a feathered friend on sale.

But now, Jesus is becoming passe as secular nitwits are using the Son of God to shill instead of be sacred. For example, PETA goes butt naked with supermodels looking like angels. Every faith-based entity has a stolener, borrowed marketing slogan of its own. Megachurches are trying to become the “big box chain store in the sky.” And let’s not forget the Holy See going iPope.

Everyone has a gimmick and it seems Jesus is being forced to become Donald Trump, pimping ideas and lending his name to everything in sight.

Lindsay Lohan Superstar

What’s new? Enter Lindsay Lohan, the narcotized and stupefied starlet who seems to yearn for “Groundhog Day” in an effort to recreate her 15 minutes of fame.

According to the UK celeb rag OK!, Lohan has decided to rock the crucifixion pose for a French fashion magazine. Because when I think of hot holy water, I dream of Lindsay.

Quite naturally, Bill Donahue with the Catholic League, was ready at the mic to drop his two cents down the gullet of Lohan:

“Not only is the pose inappropriate, the timing is offensive” because the sacred season of Lent starts next week, Bill Donohue, head of the Catholic League. “The “spiritually homeless” Lohan recently Tweeted that “i’m all about Karma…what goes around comes around.”

He continued: “If she believes that, then it behooves her to apologize to Christians before it’s too late.”

Aside from the lack of taste and judgment, why?

I mean, what are you sporting for fashion? The latest in finely shewn, camel-haired togas… just like back in the days of JC and the Boyz?!

The girl is no Madonna. Or Kayne West for that matter. So is it a symbolic attempt to resurrect a dead career, or is the girl truly crying out not to be left behind?

This poor doltish girl has journeyed from Kabbalah to Judaism, Christianity to Scientology. And now, she’s gone Vogue with Jesus.

Perhaps Mr. Donahue should attempt his hand at sign language interpretation because those hands are open for a reason. Whatever the case, this ill-advised ingenue is trying to say something for her salvation. It’s just too bad no one that cares knows what it is.

According to the generically entitled “theologian” Sam Storms, it is.

And to his credit, he brought up some salient points at Bridgeway Church in Oklahoma City, Okla. about man’s plight into this eternal quest for a payday and the pablum that necessitates it.

“For most professing believers if God is love he must promise to minimize my struggles and maximize my pleasure,” he lamented. “Many believe it’s their spiritual birthright to experience comfort and prosperity and that it’s God divine obligation to provide it.

See, regretfully, this entire doxology has created a distorted view of the love of God. To some who attend certain megachurches or follow particular global ministries, that love is a credit card with no limit allowing God’s children to be footloose and fancy free because whatever happens, “God loves me.”

(NOTE: There is no generalization here. Many big churches and ministries are fulfilling God’s purpose, but it’s the snake oil salesmen that ruin it for everybody.)

It’s a brainwashing tactic, not a biblical exhortation, of which we have become all too familiar thanks to many misanthrope swindlers who have used it to their advantage and not for the benefit of their sheep (i.e. Kenneth Copeland, Rod Parsley, Benny Hinn and now entering the fold, Ed Young).

People give, give and give believing they are doing the right thing (admirable) and that God must give it back so “that I may lack nothing” because he loves me. See, it’s twisted because of three reasons:

  1. God does love us more than can we ever comprehend
  2. We are his children and because of that, why would he ever want us to suffer
  3. There is an enemy and “our Daddy can kick your Daddy’s tail in a minute”

All that is very true. However, what the sheep are not told before they are sheered is they may experience heartache despite the checks they donate. Essentially, God is the mighty purveyor of “Opposite Day” – if Satan wants me to experience lack, then God will cause me to experience abundance.

Yes… and a big no.

The so-called prosperity gospel that teaches wealth and good health is a sign of God’s favor and blessing is prevalent in the church, Storm lamented. Underlining the seriousness of the problematic theology many preachers have picked up, the Oklahoma City pastor called it a “corrosive and disintegrative pox” on the church and “a disease far more infectious and ultimately fatal to the soul than the worst bubonic plague and the affects it might have on the human body.”

Man, and I just want God to help me pay my light bill… now this?!

I see what he is saying. People are becoming sorely irresponsible with accountability, not just the malefactors exhorting but also the men and women experiencing. Aside from having favor, blessing, abundance or whatever words fit from the slimy televangelist thesaurus there, 2 Timothy 2:3 reminds us we still have an enemy because “you therefore endure hardship, as a good soldier in Christ.

The only check that isn’t unveiled at one of these pep rally for Jesus crusades is the reality check.

If you want to sum up this walk with the Lord in one sentence, try this: God hates sin and has provided Jesus to escape it, while Satan hates you and will do everything to make you leave God.

Help us to see what you have for us, oh God.

Raise your hand if you have suffered at all this last year. Well, joy comes in the morning and for many of us, it’s been one long night. We could all use a break, and thanks to God’s grace and mercy, we got more of those than we realize.

The suffering is the clue that a blessing is coming because God works to get stuff to us and the enemy fights it every time. Sometimes the fight is so quick, it doesn’t phase you. Other times, the fight is long because the enemy is real and he fights to win.

It’s a losing battle, praise God, but a battle nonetheless.

I once heard a stoic pastor say, “Good is the worst enemy of best, because anyone can provide good but only God can give you his best.”

The prosperity gospel shows us that you shouldn’t have to wait for that filet mignon God has intended for you because if you eat all that fat-induced ground beef, you still feel full… and isn’t that satisfying? Sometimes Wall Watchers, we have to wait… but it is so worth it.

We will endure hardship while still being favored of God. We will experience a rough patch before things get smooth. We will walk through the valley of the shadow of death… but at least we are walking. We will go through hell to get to heaven.

Use whatever axiom you wish. God is real and you aren’t him, so rejoice that there is a plan and when you give money to a church or a minister, do it not to buy God’s grace but because you have some grace to give to others.

Still don’t believe me? Take it from Peter who incurred a ton of heartache and he walked next to Jesus.

Friends, when life gets really difficult, don’t jump to the conclusion that God isn’t on the job. Instead, be glad that you are in the very thick of what Christ experienced. This is a spiritual refining process, with glory just around the corner.

If you’re abused because of Christ, count yourself fortunate. It’s the Spirit of God and his glory in you that brought you to the notice of others. If they’re on you because you broke the law or disturbed the peace, that’s a different matter. But if it’s because you’re a Christian, don’t give it a second thought. Be proud of the distinguished status reflected in that name!

It’s judgment time for God’s own family. We’re first in line. If it starts with us, think what it’s going to be like for those who refuse God’s Message!

If good people barely make it,
What’s in store for the bad?
So if you find life difficult because you’re doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he’s doing, and he’ll keep on doing it. (1 Peter 4:12-19 MSG)

Just when you thought some megachurch televangelical playas had seen enough of the brethren being shady, sucking their thumb in a fetal position and using hundreds of dollars for tissue – comes Ed Young, Jr.

Eddie is pastor of one of the largest – and most egregious milquetoast – churches in the country, Fellowship Church. He recently made national news (and got to chill with Stephen Colbert) by telling his congregation to have sex for seven days. No mention of differentiation between married couples and those just hooking up, but never mind that now.

Ed has an issue, aside from the fact he rarely mentions Jesus Christ from his production soundstageer, pulpit, he’s a flawed human who adores what cash can bring him. Yes, his church has five “campuses” – four scattered in North Texas and another in Miami (uh, like that’s not too conspicuous). Yes, he has written a few books. So yes, he deserves to have a salty income – but in this story, it’s $1.24 million. This reeks of pimpdom.

Now, I do understand why some global ministers have private jetsever seen an actor or an athlete fly coach, much less first class? No, you haven’t because they would get mugged right out of the terminal. People can’t handle fame. They’re dimwits who are attracted to folk who put on their skivvies like anyone else. But because their Fruit of the Looms are scattered on TV and movies, they must be righteous.

Famed preachers are no different. People can’t handle if their favorite global preacher stepped out of Daystar and TBN and off the runway and into their lives, if only for a while. And then there’s this pimp with his starched button down, Zoom-whitened grill and bedazzled jeans. He is no traveling evangelist. He is no global minister. And he apparently is no righteous individual, just flawed like the rest of us.

Only when he flat-out steals millions of dollars, it becomes national news. Enjoy.

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