And yes, Wall Watchers, this cat is serious.
Evidently, televangelist extraordinaire and international huckster Rod Parsley has taken to the airwaves pleading for money – your money – that the devil has stolen from him.
As seen on his Web site, a brazen banner ad reads, “CRISIS: Will you help me take back what the devil stole?”
The Rev. Rod Parsley has issued a desperate plea for money, telling his flock that he is facing a “demonically inspired financial attack” that is threatening his ministry. Parsley is asking for donations by Dec. 31, calling that date an “unavoidable deadline” during an episode of Breakthrough.
Yeah, because he has never used the big, bad wolf in the candy red suit to earn money for marketing purposes before. Only this time, if you look under his mattress, we discover a crisis – a PR source for this ballyhoo.
When asked to comment yesterday, Parsley’s World Harvest Church issued a statement saying the recession caused a decline in member giving in 2009, which has led to a fourth-quarter deficit of $3 million despite a 30 percent reduction in the budget.
A deficit of $3 million. That is almost insurmountable these days. But it’s that specific figure. Why is that monetary value so peculiar. I think I’ve heard it before [Cue harp music].
This year, the church settled for $3.1 million with a family whose son was spanked at its day-care center in 2006, to the point his buttocks and legs were covered with welts and abrasions.
And so, there you have it. “Breakthrough” is about to break down and it’s all his fault.
MEMO to Rod’s daycare workers: That’s not corporal punishment; that’s a beating!
Welts. Abrasions. And not even on the child’s behind? This church would have sued me for manslaughter or something because I would have gone postal up in that piece so fast. Lord have mercy.
In an online message titled “Crisis-Urgent,” Parsley said ministry friends have agreed to match the first $500,000 in donations. Well, that’s nice. Apparently, your hallowed brethren doesn’t watch the news because if I could do that math that easy, I would sit you down on your plush King’s chair and ask you, “What up!”
Dude, you were liable. Pay it, shut up and move on.
That wasn’t the devil. That was your lack of supervision and guidance at the daycare. You hired thugs and hoodrats (not all of them, but come on, I have seen the inner workings of several church daycares. Anyone say “lowest common denominator”?), pay them a paltry fee of $10 an hour, no benefits and still expect them to rear someone else’s child in the way of God?!
Parsley is a piece of work. Instead of manning up and finding a way to pay this $3 million back in the community the right way, he will shill and kowtow to his global viewing audience to get his back yet again. Good luck with that. You have 10 days left.
And to make matters even more cantankerous, we have Parsley promising a troika of blessings – in exchange for a sizable love offering – on his show: God’s favor, good health and stress-free homes.
To which I have only one thing to say, it looks like your 15 minutes may be up. And if this is how you ran your entire ministry, I believe the devil isn’t stealing from you… he’s just taking back his investment.