Archive for December, 2009

Answer: Rick Warren.

"Psst. Yo, brother. Can you spare some of that stimulus money?" (Source: AP)

Despite what popular opinion is about the guy’s psychopablum and mushy mandates of the Gospel, I really have never heard of this guy beg for a dime.

What with the books, the appearances (presidential and every other type) and his sizable bank account, I thought at least he was above this.

Perhaps he was inspired. Hmmm… [cue harp music]:

Not too long, we tagged the Wall with the bemoaning of one Rod Parsley who believes Satan is stealing his cash.

Now while I firmly believe Ol’ Slewfoot is fully capable of such a diabolical act, we discovered this $3 million beg was not the case.

Turns out some “teacher” at World Harvest Church’s baby sitting factory for BeBe’s kidser, daycare pummeled some kid, the parents sued and oh yes, won $3 million from Parsley!

Spare the Rod, spoil the child, I say. State of Ohio – 1. Devil – 0. You twit.

Fast forward to the aforementioned (and linked) story from the New York Times and we find a destitute and dang near poverty-stricken Rick Warren [honestly, I’m surprised].

In an urgent letter posted on the Saddleback Church Web site on Wednesday, Warren says expenses are up because parishioners are out of work and ”the bottom dropped out” when year-end donations dropped dramatically. He asks parishioners to donate $1 million before the new year to keep the Orange County church out of debt.

This is a pill, albeit horse-sized, that’s much easier to swallow. It’s no secret the economy blows and people are praying for God’s understanding and mercy as the tithe stays in the storehouse from it which it resides for now.

The slightly shady part is Warren knows the press monitors his Web site as much as his church members do. And to put that up online, you don’t think somewhere in the recesses of his mind there was a thought, “You know, this could become a national story. Sweet.”

Here’s an idea, mands of Gawd (shout out IST): Exercise the same faith you espouse when praying for the throng of folk who, you know, are near poverty, have no money to tithe because they need to keep on the lights and are believing God for more than just you staying on T.V.

If the Lord is big enough to answer their 911 calls to heaven – and he is – then he “sho’nuff” can answer yours.

However, forgive our Savior if he’s a little preoccupied with those who probably can’t get a loan and doesn’t have the cache reserves that you two have. Happy New Year.

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Christmas is a time to gather with family, eat like a glutton, think about the Christ child… and how he lived. How many Jesus movies did you watch this past week?

Me? 516. At least it felt that way with every church party I visited. I enjoy them wholeheartedly but after the 200th time, maybe its claim to the “Greatest Story Ever Told” wanes a skosh.

Anywhoo, during those wonderful films, I began thinking of all the people who claim they don’t believe in God; yet, they can be heard referring to “Jesus’ day.” How do they really know anyway?!

A Jewish home in the shadows of the Church of the Annunciation. Ironic. (Source: Dan Balilty, AP)

Then, this story from USA Today comes out and I now have a referral point to that ubiquitous time in history.

Archaeologists said Monday that they unearthed remains of the first dwelling in Nazareth that dates to Jesus’ era, a simple structure of two rooms and a courtyard, said Yardenna Alexandre, excavations director at the Israel Antiquities Authority.

I love how the aforementioned folk who don’t believe in Jesus of Nazareth are fascinated by everything else in Nazareth.

While these diligent archaeologists are not claiming it is the house where Jesus lived specifically, a young Jesus may have played around the house with cousins and friends, Alexandre said.

MEMO to the Pulpit Pimps and False ‘Profits’ out there: it’s okay to admit Jesus didn’t come from riches, but rags.

This was a modest community – you know, living in dirt homes, wearing tattered tunics and driving camels. And for many in Christendom, that now visual fact could bring healing to the millions who feel a seed here and keeping up with the Joneses there have done nothing but destroy their credit… and their faith.

Yes, later in life, you can argue the Christ-child wasn’t doing that bad financially.  Spare the doxology and psychobabble, this isn’t that kind of post.

My prayer is we can all take from this discovery and confirm where the Gospel message’s focus should be – it’s about who you are and are destined to be, not what you have and what you are determined to get.

That… or call Hollywood and claim we have the makings of a new movie, “Jewish Boyz in the Hood.” Nice.

So, I had a fabulous Christmas (and I pray you did as well). Stockings are down. The fridge is replenished. My family is content. And then I read this crap.

According to WOW News’ World Net Daily and DallasWFAA-TV, Liberty Legal Institute sent a Dec. 15 demand letter on behalf of Joe Mitchell, a retired General Motors employee, Dallas resident and student, to Eastfield College in the Dallas County Community College District.

This is actually a Navy Seal training center in Coronado, Calif. Nice architecture, das dunderheads.

The complaint accuses the school of an “unconstitutional attack on religious expression in the classroom.”

This story is painstakingly lodged itself in my blessed assurance for many reasons, but here’s the once-over.

Mitchell adores to make ceramic crosses as gifts. It’s more than a hobby for the guy; it’s a business in his twilight years. He’s in ceramics class for the third year where he encounters a tool professor named James Watral, chair of the ceramic department at Eastfield College.

Yeah, “CHAIR of CERAMICS!?”

Isn’t that like… well, I just don’t have an apt analogy for this.

“As Mr. Watral was giving students a tour of the pottery department, he took them to a shelving area where ceramics pieces are stored prior to being fired in the kiln,” the complaint states. “Mr. Watral then pointed to a cross and stated in front of the entire class with contempt: ‘I don’t like that.'”

To which, I say, “Big. Deal.” But wait, there’s more.

During the fall 2009 semester, Mitchell said he was constantly asked by his instructor whether he would be creating religious projects. He created a ceramic Israeli Coat of Arms, including a Menorah, to give to a Jewish friend. After the piece had been fired, he said his instructor, Chris Blackburst, asked if she could take a look at it.

“She then proceeded to compare the cross to a swastika,” his complaint states. “She stated that many individuals view the cross as an offensive symbol in the same was that many people are offended by swastikas, and that his crosses would therefore not be fired by the department.”

Ah, there’s the rub. Seriously?! A swastika. I get what our apparent devoid-of-a-heart nitwit is trying to say. The cross is offensive… to anyone with a death wish hating God for no apparent reason other than because of campy Christians they have encountered.

But to compare it with arguably the most recognized symbol in the world for hate, vitriol and bad facial hair is asinine.

What’s more daft is this guy is actually suing the college. Why? Because someone hurt his feelers?

There isn’t a week that goes by where I don’t get offended in some fashion because of some misguided comment, divisive statement or godless misanthrope just trying to get under my skin.

I call B.S. and here’s why: This whole law suit is over the fact dude is no longer allowed to fire his crosses – his merchandise – in the school’s kiln. He’s been doing this for three years and now the school is taking a harsh stance against his crosses – his meal ticket.

What the school said was completely out of line and at the very least, this “chair of ceramics” deserves a nice kick in his jingle bells. However, I’m sure the school said it at the beginning of the year.

Don’t stand in the shadow of the cross crying religious discrimination when you’re just too cheap to buy the cornerstone of the company business.

Dude has had ample time to deal with his grievances but not with his pocketbook. Orders are slow. The economy sucks. And Mr. Mitchell ain’t getting paid as he is accustomed, so he sues. You know, instead of buying his own kiln at the house.

My question is why does it take a lawyer to review the policy when this guy should have done before he took the class? Again?

My angst with anti-Jesus organizations like the ACLU are well-stated and numerous. However, what’s equally as multitudinous is my lack of empathy for folk who make Christians look worse than we already do.

This law suit is exhibit A because the amount of intelligence it takes to see through the paper-thin visage of what’s really behind this legal recourse can be found somewhere in between Tiger Woods’ belief he could ho around in private and one of those crooks in need of a disguise so instead of panty hose grabs a roll of duct tape. (Yeah, really happened.)

The chic who compared the cross with the swastika needs to have her blood stream hurled in the kiln for warmth. As for Mr. Mitchell, he just needs his law suit thrown in there… along with his tuition.

In the words of a few billion people who hate the swastika, “Oy Vey!”

There are anagrams for Santa that make Father Christmas more of a bastard child at a family reunion in the minds of fundamental Christians.

There are thoughts of the manger that make non-God-fearing folk want to put the holidays out to pasture.

And then there are those who love Jesus and celebrate his birth while propagating subterfuge against their children until the day they figure out that dirty old man with the beefy belly looked familiar for a reason.

The geniuses at IgniterMedia.com have done it again – this time, they tackle the stark differences and similarities between sweet baby Jesus and portly St. Nick. Enjoy this for the HOLY-days and we’ll be back with the news before the New Year.

Peace & blessings to all the Wall Watchers out there. You have blessed this enigmatic pontificate more than you know.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Happy Santa-Baby-Jesus Day“, posted with vodpod

This story takes us waaay behind the scenes into his empire (Courtesy: Breakthrough)

And yes, Wall Watchers, this cat is serious.

At least, that his latest pitch to get your hard-earned money this holiday season. Here’s the story according to the Columbus Dispatch by way of Charisma:

Evidently, televangelist extraordinaire and international huckster Rod Parsley has taken to the airwaves pleading for money – your money – that the devil has stolen from him.

As seen on his Web site, a brazen banner ad reads, “CRISIS: Will you help me take back what the devil stole?”

The Rev. Rod Parsley has issued a desperate plea for money, telling his flock that he is facing a “demonically inspired financial attack” that is threatening his ministry. Parsley is asking for donations by Dec. 31, calling that date an “unavoidable deadline” during an episode of Breakthrough.

Yeah, because he has never used the big, bad wolf in the candy red suit to earn money for marketing purposes before. Only this time, if you look under his mattress, we discover a crisis – a PR source for this ballyhoo.

When asked to comment yesterday, Parsley’s World Harvest Church issued a statement saying the recession caused a decline in member giving in 2009, which has led to a fourth-quarter deficit of $3 million despite a 30 percent reduction in the budget.

A deficit of $3 million. That is almost insurmountable these days. But it’s that specific figure. Why is that monetary value so peculiar. I think I’ve heard it before [Cue harp music].

This year, the church settled for $3.1 million with a family whose son was spanked at its day-care center in 2006, to the point his buttocks and legs were covered with welts and abrasions.

And so, there you have it. “Breakthrough” is about to break down and it’s all his fault.

MEMO to Rod’s daycare workers: That’s not corporal punishment; that’s a beating!

Welts. Abrasions. And not even on the child’s behind? This church would have sued me for manslaughter or something because I would have gone postal up in that piece so fast. Lord have mercy.

In an online message titled “Crisis-Urgent,” Parsley said ministry friends have agreed to match the first $500,000 in donations. Well, that’s nice. Apparently, your hallowed brethren doesn’t watch the news because if I could do that math that easy, I would sit you down on your plush King’s chair and ask you, “What up!”

Dude, you were liable. Pay it, shut up and move on.

That wasn’t the devil. That was your lack of supervision and guidance at the daycare. You hired thugs and hoodrats (not all of them, but come on, I have seen the inner workings of several church daycares. Anyone say “lowest common denominator”?), pay them a paltry fee of $10 an hour, no benefits and still expect them to rear someone else’s child in the way of God?!

Kushite, please!

Parsley is a piece of work. Instead of manning up and finding a way  to pay this $3 million back in the community the right way, he will shill and kowtow to his global viewing audience to get his back yet again. Good luck with that. You have 10 days left.

And to make matters even more cantankerous, we have Parsley promising a troika of blessings – in exchange for a sizable love offering – on his show: God’s favor, good health and stress-free homes.

To which I have only one thing to say, it looks like your 15 minutes may be up. And if this is how you ran your entire ministry, I believe the devil isn’t stealing from you… he’s just taking back his investment.