Well, be warned about wasting $10 to see this film.

Man, my fraternal juices were flowing when I saw this movie and knew this post was coming (shout out to my Ice Cold brothers of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.).

Why? Because I get to harangue a Q-Dog. No, no, not the “Atomic Dog” brothers but rather Quetzalcoatl – the triune man, dog and lizard of the Mayans who is supposed to return to earth and create his “Age of Transition” on December 21, 2012. Yawn.

Apparently, director Roland Emmerich has decided this calendar snafu was yet another excuse to destroy the world.

You see, I’ve seen most of his post-apocalyptic flicks and whether his tool for global carnage has been a radioactive iguana (“Godzilla“), global warming gone terribly awry (“The Day After Tomorrow“) or hacked-off aliens (“Independence Day“), the scripts usually blow about as bad as a drunk in a breathalyzer test.

This – fancy effects and a cacophony of explosions aside – was no exception at all.

You would think with the star power this movie had, a decent script could have been in order. Danny Glover was the president, John Cusack was our hero and Woody Harrelson even makes a cameo as a radio host with the Mayan calendar on his studio wall.

But, not so much as seen by the one obvious sci-fi nerd who left the movie early in a flurry of disgust and cussing in Klingon, or something like that.

I had to stick it out. This 2.5 hour movie feels more like 6.5, and a brother had to pee. Can I say that?

So why the commitment? I heard the kerfuffle about Emmerich deciding to destroy every Christian faith-based artifact in the world and wanted to see that for myself. St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome and the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro were the first to go. Even a gaggle of priests gets smothered.

Poor St. Peter’s Basilica. First, the anti-matter bomb in “Angels & Demons” and now this disaster. Why do producers find Christians such an easy tag for their angst? And then it dawned on me… there’s nothing of Judaic, Hindu, Buddhist or Muslim relic being obliterated here. Why not?

(Spoiler alert) Even that cute Buddhist monk survives the flood over the Himalayas, but a priest can’t get any love!

Then I discovered why the protection over other relics, specifically Muslim. Fear.

“Well, I wanted to do that, I have to admit,” Emmerich says. “But my co-writer Harald said I will not have a fatwa on my head because of a movie. And he was right. … We have to all … in the Western world … think about this. You can actually … let … Christian symbols fall apart, but if you would do this with [an] Arab symbol, you would have … a fatwa, and that sounds a little bit like what the state of this world is. So it’s just something which I kind of didn’t [think] was [an] important element, anyway, in the film, so I kind of left it out.”

What the fatwa? Seriously? Muslims scare him so the Kaaba was off-limits but Christians are pansies so the Vatican was so getting crushed.

This is a man who makes no apologies for not being the biggest fan of organized religion; yet somehow Imams freak this dude out. Nice.

You would think an espoused atheist would show equality and express his vitriol for every religion, but no, once again it’s Christianity that gets the pass on etiquette. It’s okay to thrash what we love because there’s no fear of revolt. We just don’t do that.

Sure, it could be the whole “love thy neighbor” message, but I think it smacks more of apathy. It takes a lot to get Christians to unite under one banner. Call it abortion, politics or… well, that’s about it.

Do Christians as a whole picket abortion clinics? No, but the world thinks we do. Do Christians as a whole burn Harry Potter books like a scene from “Footloose”? No, but again we are lumped into that simpleton mentality as well. Many people claim to do these things in the name of Christianity, but really, it’s just their personal issues under the guise of their beliefs. And we all get blamed for it. Sigh.

I’m not calling for Christian extremism (there’s already enough of that). I’m just saying we need to learn what is worth begin disgusted about, and let God sort out the rest. So, allow this movie to be Hollywood existentialism and some sort of catharsis for Emmerich who needs to slay his own inner demons about Jesus.

As for me and my house, I would have rather put that $10 in the offering bucket where it will do some good than in this ballyhooed movie. I suggest you do the same. Bor. Ing.

 

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Comments
  1. Alastair says:

    I’m reading this posting and it looks fantastic! Nice writing style and you have mentioned some superb things about this issue.

  2. disaster movie is hilarious, i laugh for hours just watching that movie *.~

  3. Mark says:

    The End of the World Arrives Three Years Ahead of Schedule
    I had an interesting pre-cursor while going in to see 2012 . I was with a small group of three, and I handed my tickets to the doorman, who, after ripping them and handing me back the stubs, said: “ Enjoy this graphics , this isn’t the kind of movie you go and see for the dialog.” My friends and I looked at each other and laughed. We were also a bit worried. Did we just drop about $15 bucks each to watch another disaster movie with vacant plot and characters? Are we foolish to expect more than a vacant plot and characters in a disaster movie?
    Fortunately, my answer is “No.” The answer from one of my friends who was with me is “Sort of.” But this isn’t my friends review, it’s mine. All mine! So, the answer is decidedly…”No” on both counts. 2012 proves that you can actually have an entertaining disaster movie as well as a few emotional chords to strike.

  4. gcmwatch says:

    Saw the first hour of the movie on my pc. That was enuff. Special fx booms, bangs and whishes aside it was BORE-RING. Reminded me of a reupholstered Indiana Jones movie.

    Thanks for the review. It confirmed my suspicions. Not worth paying any money to see. I like to be entertained (with a good story line of course) when I see a movie. It doesnt bother me that much about Christian symbols getting blown to smithereens, although the Muslim fatwash threat is not lost on me.

    This was just an overblown personal agenda of a man with too much money, time and bad imagination on his hands.

  5. Ross L. Gillum says:

    Is it just me, or does Fatwa sound like a dessert wine or what?!?!? Yes, please pour me a pinch of that 1950 Fatwa, old chap! 🙂

    Hadn’t planned on seeing the movie, as I think I am above the age limit to be allowed into the big screen theatres now. Isn’t that 45 and under now or something like that! LOL. Seriously, with work 6 days a week, I will watch it on Cable next year. That still gives me two years to be prepared for all the destruction!

    Excellent review, and actually much what I expected from Hollywood. Trashing Christians, or showing them as extremists is old hat to them. You are probably right about the apathy querie for sure. Time to remember and practice that old song. ” I Am Not Ashamed To Own My Lord”. Christians have confused the “love thy neighbor” commandment with “appease thy neighbor” hog wash. Methinks this is not the message Christ was intending us to share. The ways of our nation/the majority of the world today, shows how “asleep” we have been.

    Happy Thanksgiving!

    RLG

  6. that was a great review. it won’t stop me from seeing the flick i don’t think but that’s because i love me the Cusack. i may have to wait til it gets to the cheapie theatre now though.

  7. lambskinny says:

    Nicely written; funny and informative, too.

    I must admit — I liked the fluff of 2012, especially Woody’s full-of-fun performance as the radio talk show host.

    Thanks for your observation that “extremist” Christians burn books for their own motives rather than for God. We definitely have enough nutties out there. No need for more.

    Who needs fatwa anyway!?

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