Archive for November 17, 2009

I suppose this would explain why dirty old men want to practice the "laying on of hands"

I couldn’t fight it any longer! Believe me, I tried, Wall Watchers.

At first, I thought I could ignore Carrie Prejean during the Miss USA imbroglio.

You know, when the Donald “trumped” the news and trotted her out before a sweltering dais of paparazzi, flashing cameras and gay rights activists who wanted to know just who in the h-e-double-hockeysticks would tell Perez Hilton what states should do about same-sex marriages.

(And how in the h-e-double-hockeysticks did get to judge Miss USA anyway?!)

“Well I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one way or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage. And, you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that marriage should be between a man and a woman, no offense to anybody out there. But that’s how I was raised and I believe that it should be between a man and a woman.”

And that started it all.

All the “I think” and “I believe” was fine with me. It’s her opinion, and as a vociferous Bible-tottin’ Christian, who was I to argue?!

That is until she lost her crown, a sex tape popped up (as did Web traffic globally) and launched her whirlwind media tour to deny everything… except that it was just her in said tape (wink wink). Now, porn magnate Vivid has said tapes of her solo affair and wants to make a quick buck.

Yet, I still managed to turn a deaf ear… until now. But. Must. Write. Can’t. Help. Myself. And why? Because we learn Carrie Prejean has Christian boobies. (You read that correctly. Stop laughing and pay attention.)

Thanks to the story in Us, by way of an exclusive with Christianity Today, Carrie is on the public relations trail again. High-HO-Silver (I think that’s an unofficial nickname):

“No, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting breast implants as a Christian,” Prejean, 22, says in a new interview with Christianity Today. “I think it’s a personal decision. I don’t see anywhere in the Bible where it says you shouldn’t get breast implants.

You’re right, Carrie. It’s not in the Bible. I know, I’ve checked. However, since you are so smart, perhaps you could help all of us biblical dunderheads?

  • Abortion isn’t clearly defined either. Cherishing life and “thou shalt not kill” is. Where do you stand on that, Madame Hermeneutics?
  • The Bible tells us to flee from drunkenness, but doesn’t say much about shooting up or freebasing. So, how’s your crack habit these days?
  • Any thoughts on the tens of thousands of Christians who have tattoos? I mean that scripture in Leviticus 19:28 was talking about pagan practices, but meh? I’m sure you got a tramp stamp to justify that one too.

Ah, well. The mysteries of the Bible… and of Carrie Prejean, biblical scholar and excuse-making dimwit. Come to think of it, the Bible isn’t that clear about sex tapes, but who am I to judge.