Archive for October 19, 2009

What class would look like in a Scientology Pre-K.

What class would look like in a Scientology Pre-K.

You know you’re in Hollywood when the movie stars stop making headlines for their film reviews and start getting the media’s attention for being stupid, raging against politicians and having convoluted religious beliefs.

And greeting us at the gates to the sexually perplexed and ecumenically devoid would be America’s fabled door attendant, Tom “Captain Scientology” Cruise.

Walking into his fabled kingdom of the criminally insane, we discover his wife Katie Holmes who has been shacked away from the world and tending to the spiritual love child of Dianetics named Suri.

Suri was destined to become yet another immortal soul being who people wanted to hurl off the “Bridge of Total Freedom” because she was so crazed with Thetan thinking, but thanks to young Katie, there may be hope in the form of Papal intervention.

According to the Daily Mail (UK), Katie decided to undergo her own “Mission Impossible” and enroll baby Suri in some fru-fru Catholic school, Catholic Charities Yawkey Centre For Early Education And Learning in Boston, Massachusetts.

“Katie has been listening to her parents who are devout Catholics,” I’m told [the reporter by the ubiquitious, money-grubbing sources]. “She is not convinced by Scientology and has told Tom that she wants Suri to be educated as a Catholic – as she was. They had been having huge problems agreeing on her school. To say they were having arguments is putting it mildly – but Tom came around to the idea in the end.”

The article also mentions that Tom is on a movie shoot. Hrm.

So, is this necessarily of story of brazen faith and coming back to the Church, or just some spineless jellyfish move of a scorned woman taking advantage of her hubby out of town for six months?!

I would say Katie is so emotionally scarred that she is in need of a psychiatrist, but hey… we all know that’s got a snowball’s chance in hell of happening in Tommy’s kingdom, right?

Scientology spin control and bullies e-mailing me with accusations of slander in 3… 2… 1…