In New York, Jesus is a hack

Posted: August 13, 2009 in On Your Wall, The Obvious Files
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Typically, I’ll pontificate, ruminate or even gesticulate (although you can’t see that part) prior to sharing the headline.

Not this time.

I mean, I can’t. There’s nothing to say other than using the old, not-so-biblical axiom, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.”

This story from (NYC’s Lower Hudson Valley) has the makings of a scene from a Michael Bay and Jerry Bruckheimer film. [Cue harp music]

He sure did in this case

He sure did in this case

There’s this cab driver in Mount Vernon, New York getting the saliva choked clean out of him by his fare.

The poor driver loses control, probably from unconsciousness, and plows clean through… wait for it… the River Jordan Holy Tabernacle Church.

What happens after he careens into the choir loft and dunks his Crown Victoria in the baptismal is nothing short of post-apocalyptic.

While investigating the incident, police discovered four adults and a 3-year-old girl inside the locked church. “What scares us about this is that the church was all locked down from the outside, so there was no means of getting out of the church for these four adults and the child,” [Police Commissioner David] Chong said.

So, why were these folk having a church lock-in – by themselves?!

According to yet another story by, worshipping, of course. At 2 a.m. And with all the doors locked. Oh, and with a frickin’ three-year-old inside.

It was a prayer meeting – part of our religion,” said June Delgado, who called The Journal News to say she was among the five inside. “We get together and pray. Based on the individuals, sometimes that prayer meeting prolongs.”

Well, unless you are chanting like a Shaman, blowing incense all over the place, you’re full of more mess than a Christmas turkey. In other words, I call bull but only these keystone cops will determine the real deal.

So, go get ’em, Commissioner Chong.

And no, Cheech was not available for comment due to the fact he was half-baked driving a van made of hippie lettuce.

  1. charming post. simply one decimal where I quarrel with it. I am emailing you in detail.

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