Archive for August, 2009

Stereotypes. They sure suck.

These weighty, sinful and misleading generalization have been the bane of this nation’s existence for centuries. Why? Because no matter the group of people in the cross hairs, there will always be a small – and extremely vocal and visible – minority that ruins it for everyone.

Take crime-impoverished cities (AKA “the ghetto”) for example. These dilapidated areas are chock full of pioneering civic leaders who care about the people in the community and the places in it. However, there’s that criminal element who thinks the city is their personal storefront for target practice and anarchy.

As seen in Pastor Joshua's bookstore, perhaps.

As seen in Pastor Joshua's bookstore, perhaps.

Thanks to those heinous dunderheads (most of them, under the age of 21), the ghetto remains the ghetto and people with any sort of sense avoid them at all costs.

Here’s another one: Meet the “Rev.” Joshua Sims of Double Rock Baptist Church. In, uh… Compton, California. (Sigh).

A Baptist minister was arrested this morning on charges of stealing more than $800,000 from the church he leads in Compton, officials said. The Rev. E. Joshua Sims, pastor of Double Rock Baptist Church in Compton, was taken into custody this morning at his home in Corona, said Steve Whitmore, spokesman for the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department. The arrest concludes a months-long investigation by sheriff’s deputies, Whitmore said.

This travesty would be different if this sell-out was arrested on a whim because of a misinformed phone call. Alas, this was a “months-long” investigation… well, eight years actually. EIGHT YEARS!

A church in Compton no less is home to a pastor who suddenly encounters a trunk full of bling, which just happens to belong to a friggin’ Bentley. Did I mention this was in Compton?!

And Josh here didn’t think that would flare up on his tail like a vicious case of herpes? Classy, brother.

In a city of drugs, death and disenfranchisement more common that jobs, money and hope, you would think a church would strive to be the city on a hill and offer some well, hope to its people, he chooses the more saintly approach of his hands-on ministry by putting his hands in their back pockets looking for his latest fix.

What’s next? Find a street named after a progenitor of the Civil Rights movement, get in a stolen car and start shooting up the place? Oh wait, that happens all the time in American every city on Martin Luther King Blvd. daily.

Well, thanks Josh for giving stereotype lovers and bigots everywhere something to relish. What took you eight years managed to bash Christians, minorities and the upstanding ‘Boyz N The Hood‘ in troika-filled fatal swoop.

In this week’s video evangelism, we have a story just in time for Christmas shopping preparations.

Dylan_XmasIt turns out, not every entertainer in Hollywood has done a Yuletide tune. Let’s add Bob Dylan to the mix!

As first reported on the Web site BullyPulpit.com, at least four songs have already been recorded for the album including, “Must Be Santa,” “Here Comes Santa Claus,” “I’ll Be Home for Christmas” and “O Little Town of Bethlehem.”

What’s next? “A hard snow’s gonna fall,” “Snowin’ in the Wind” or “It ain’t me, Santa”? Need we remind you this is Bob Dylan (nee Robert Zimmerman), as in really Jewish… singing CHRISTmas songs! Mazel Tov, Bobby.

Mind you, he seems to have returned to the faith. Dylan went through a “born again” Christian phase from 1979-81, releasing several gospel-style albums including “Slow Train Coming” and “Saved.”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan… at least when he was coherent to the point somewhere between barely understandable English and a man with 15 cold sores on his tongue.

But how would this sound to a Zionist on a brisk Christmas Eve [cue harp music]:

“Jeeen-guuuulll B-eeeeeels. Jeeen-guuuulll B-eeeeeels. Jeeen-guuuul All… the Waaaaayy.”

Okay, if that didn’t quite make the reference point to you, try this video clip on for size (told you this was Cross Eyed):

Earl Paulk will go down in ecumenical infamy as a preacher with more soil under his collar than the dude who does my landscaping.

During the hullabaloo of his legal issues before his timelyer, unexpected death, Paulk sold the Cathedral at Chapel Hill for what surmised to legal fees and a two-piece dinner at Long John Silvers.

Well, the Holy Spirit was asked to leave a while ago

Well, the Holy Spirit was asked to leave a while ago

And now, according to the Atlanta Journal Constitution, the former haven of hedonism has been sold to the Greater Traveler’s Rest Baptist Church for $17.6 million.

This was one of the largest religious facilities available in the United States,” Matt Messier, broker and principal for CNL, said in a release. “We are happy to have brokered a successful outcome for a property of this size, especially in today’s challenging economic climate.”

No kidding. It was 51 acres, 6,000 seats and fully equipped with a large fellowship hall, offices, classrooms and, oh yeah, a movie theater. Because there’s always the need to screen the latest flick by TBN for date night.

Rumor is, Paulk had many of those.

Anywhoo, on August 30, the church led by Pastor E. Dewey Smith will change Paulk’s former home into “The Hope Cathedral.”

Congratulations, Pastor. It’s truly a benchmark in the 132 years of your church.

May the anointing of God break every yoke that was upon that place when you take foot in the pulpit for the first time… and bathe that thing in Crisco oil. Just sayin’.

Omarosa and TV GuideThere’s always a time in a pseudo-famous person’s life when the watch stops ticking and his or her 15 minutes are officially up.

Such is life for one Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, D-list celeb-waste-of-space and hopeful “Apprentice” of Donald Trump’s.

When the aforementioned watch ceases to tick, these dolts have their own “Come to Jesus” meeting.

For Omarosa, it seems to be a little more literal as she has gone from the board room to the class room, as in United Theological Seminary.

This is a woman who relishes in the green spotlight, but the moment she walked out her front door and realized no one cared she was home, she finds Jesus.

Convenience or conversion?

We’ll soon see as she walks into the ivory halls of seminary, will she be convicted enough to remove the “naughty” portion of her Web site and that tawdry picture of her draped in a diabolical teddy. Or perhaps, she will think twice about listing her occupation on MySpace as “bad @$$”.

Yeah, that’s classy Omarosa. And if she screws this gig up, I would hate to be fired by her new boss. Oy!

Ever been to a church that spoke and praised a different language than yours?

I have, and it’s amazing, because although the pastor is going bananas on some scripture, you know it’s Jesus and you get jazzed hearing it.

Much is the same for this great Prayer Mosaic. Whether the Lord’s Prayer is in English, Swedish, Afrikaans, Russian or even slang, it sounds great in any tongue. Enjoy.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

more about “Cross Eyed: All Nations Under God“, posted with vodpod