Archive for July 31, 2009

There are many ways to answer that question, but one in particular, look at growth of the church body.

For instance, if you are still bumping into church members at the club, liquor store or the adult shop, both you and the “other dude from bible study” need to reconsider that whole membership thing and work on the salvation part of things.

Another is check the childrens ministry. Are the kids happy? Are they engaged? Or, if they are slightly more daring, are they bolting out the back and stealing Dad’s car making the getaway!? Yeah, that happened. Check the video, we’ll be back.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

A person considered to be a “very small driver” trolling through traffic would get my attention as well. Did you see that kid trek out of the car? That boy needs to holler at the U.S. Olympic Track & Field committee. He’s got a future.

And all because he didn’t want to go to church?! That’s sad. Granted, it’s in Utah, so there’s no telling what kind of church little man is petrified of visiting, but it begs the question… what makes it so bad?

Is the puppet show that awful? I know some folk just have smoker’s cough and thinks that’s a great character voice, but I wouldn’t tell the old man’s car because it blows that bad.

Maybe the children’s pastor is one of those retiree volunteers who obviously hasn’t had a kid in about 25 years? You know the type, balding, rotund and breath that could stop a Peterbilt in its tracks? That combination does not make a lovely church experience for the kiddos.

Or if it was a LDS church, maybe all the talk of the holy underwear spooked him out a little? I mean, freshen it up, Mormons. Put some Super Heroes on that handmade stuff. Maybe some sweet “Hello Kitty” bonnets for the girls and Mormon bloomers with the “Batman” insignia across the tail.

Anything, but just don’t let this happen again, because that’s not a shining indictment on any pastor.

“Ooooooh. You’re THAT church.” Yeah, not so much.