Orlando Atheist looking to cash in as postal worker when left behind

Posted: May 29, 2009 in Above the Fold, Denominational Fun, On Your Wall, Religion Potpourri, Testify, WWJD
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Times are tough. People are getting two jobs to make ends meet. Some are changing careers for signing bonuses. But there are the few who dare to invest in the future.

Meet this tool: Joshua Witter, avowed Atheist and Orlando financial madcap.

You see, he’s got this cracked idea to scam Christians out of these cash in lieu of the rapture. Uh yeah, as in cashing in on being left behind.

About 70 people have paid the Orlando man about $5 a piece to get their messages to those doomed to face the plagues, pestilence and darkness of Armageddon.

Rapture carNo one knows the time or the hour, but hey, give this dolt your money to tell Mom an’dem your dancing in the heavenlies while they are wondering how they ended up on the movie set of “I Am Legend.”

Witter, who has professed “he’s screwed anyway,” has guaranteed these people who are so heavenly minded that he’ll deliver fond good byes to loved ones who will be no earthly good.

Here’s a thought: While these God-fearing people are busy digging under their pillow in the “Apocalypse Travel Fund” for this dude, anyone thought of possibly witnessing to the guy?!

I’m pretty sure we can all presume he’s on a one-way ticket to hell, so um, how about being a real Christian and try to derail his train ride to the pit?

While these buffoons are missing the mark, Witter is stretching his entrepreneurial wiles and marking a big fat “X” with his Web site, postrapturepost.com. Admittedly, it began as a joke but what’s that Mr. P.T. Barnum? More than every minute?

Since 2005, Witter said he has sold more than 200 items, most of them T-shirts and coffee mugs, and many of those (he admits) to friends and fellow atheists. Among the best sellers are the line of I-Told-You-So cards, which sell for $8. Some of those who ordered the cards — Witter suspects they are not true Christians — are willing to pay extra to have them sent early as Christmas cards.

What’s that? When you care enough to send the very least?

Witter has read all the “Left Behind” books, is convinced he ain’t going anywhere when Jesus comes to get all of us and is already planning on dealing with locusts in his Wheaties, bumping into walls because he can’t see a thing and trying not to sit with all the boils on his butt.

So, why not? Get paid while you are still here, right? At least, the dude’s got a brand promise:

“Your hope lies with me. I am your mailman,” he vows. “I’ll do my best come Hell or high water to deliver those letters.”

And I guess if Jesus doesn’t return while he is alive, all that money will act as a love offering. Ah, nice how things come full circle, eh?

  1. JesusBlogger says:

    Just when I thought I had heard it all

  2. wickle says:

    I’m sitting here trying to make a reply.

    I got nothin’. This is too good.

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