Archive for April 17, 2009

I once heard a pastor extol some genius when discussing some inane practices of certain legalistic denominations, “Ladies, I have a prophecy: If the barn needs painting, paint it!”

Oddly enough, the people who laughed the loudest were the women who looked like TBN rejects. Nice.

A "cut" below the rest

A "cut" below the rest

So, I took a stroll down Amnesia Lane when I read this story about some tool who did a little more than painting his own barn.

Meet William Blasingame – a 66-year-old Episcopal priest from Staten Island, a tool whose mid-life crisis came late and a fool whose tail is on the line for the big house as he stole almost $85,000 from his church for… wait for it… paint, er… plastic surgery and botox!

As the lovely story in the New York Post gets nice:

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the cutest clergyman of them all…

Blasingame is busted by the Staten Island D.A. for his vanity run-a-muck and jonesin’ for botox, plastic surgery and some sweet duds like gold-embossed suits and leather shoes imported from London.

So, for his quest for the needle of youth, Blasingame could face up to 15 years in prison if convicted of second-degree grand larceny and possession of stolen property.

And look at him. Who’s the cute priest? Who’s the cute priest? It ain’t you, holmes.

Can you imagine warming a pew at the historic St. Paul Memorial Episcopal Church and Sunday after Sunday, the Rev. looks more and more surprised by standing still. He starts coming to the pulpit with his own soundtrack, “Send in the Clowns.” And then there’s the appearance of his eyebrows going north until they meet his receding hairline?!

Since Blasingame isn’t a big fan of biblical truth and spiritual dogma, allow me to crack open my KJV66:

Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase. (Proverbs 13:11)

plastic-surgery-demotivational-postRegretfully, this is a scripture not many sideshow televangelists recollect during their weekly pontifications. You have to work at everything, including looking young.

But, in the event of keeping one’s ministry relevant, these Ponce de Leon groupies [COUGH… like Paula White… and her ex-hubbie… GAG] become Blade Runner and go under the knife.

The question is Why? People get old, it’s a fact of life. I understand surgery after pregnancy. I get physical deformity. But lypo or getting a face lift so tight that if you sneeze, your ears would clap, I no comprende?!

We are supposed to be living epistles, not walking edifices. We are to be witnesses for God’s glory, not a testimony for man’s genius. Where’s the rub? TV preacher, you come across as a fraud to what you are proselytizing. How can attest on how God “accepts you the way you are,” when you can’t even accept the way you are?!

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m old-fashioned. But at least I’m in my own skin and not some plastique counterpart that forces God hand to play peek-a-boo and guessing who I am. And then when you are so addicted to it that you begin fleecing your sheep to make Armani sweaters, Houston we have a problem.