Archive for April 12, 2009

[Can’t you just hear that Andrew Lloyd Webber tune howling in your ears?]

Anywhoo, Easterer, Resurrection Sunday is here and to commemorate the festivities, why not break out [cue timpani roll please…] a list!


Keep praying, girl. You ain't making this list.

Keep praying, girl. You ain't making this list.

As I have mentioned in the past, I adore fascinating lists. Just group anything by 10s, and odds are, here comes HiScrivener to ascertain if there is an overlap in consideration of one of the Top 10 televangelists’ rainbow ties or a missing item in the latest list of “Hot Hairdos in the Heavenlies.”

Recently, Time magazine developed a list of the “Top 10 Jesus Films.” It’s itemized below, but I will give you a hint on this sacred day: Jesus lives. Ta-dah! (And thank God.)

10. The King of Kings – First was “The 10 Commandments,” then the austere genius of Cecil B. De Mille created this movie in 1927. And aside from the heavy doses of King James English prose, it’s nice for the history lesson, but not so much on a Blockbuster night.

9. The King of Kings It took almost 40 years for the remake, and by the sound of the Casio keyboard music and community theater overacting, that was rushing it. If you have seen this movie from 1961, then click to read Richard Corliss’ lovely description of the film. Genius.

8. The Gospel According to St. Matthew – Arguably, one of the best if you fancy a portion of Gospel made by a man who had absolutely no good intent reading said Gospel. Being gay and believing there is no God will do that to a guy. If you’re not hooked on Italiano phonics, this version is ironically, a must-see. See, God can use anything.

7. Godspell To which, I had to LOL. I mean, I like my Jesus a little less eh, “snappy” and not so much on the Rainbow Brite wigs, falsetto voice and bedazzled fatigues. Then again, if I saw a motley crew dawned in Circue du Soleil face makeup carrying a dead guy who strikingly resembles the etheral Thomas Andrews from Titanic amidst the bustle of New York City, I would look for the nearest church anyway. Mission Accomplished.

6. Gospel Road – You know, thank God for this Richard Corliss list. I completely forgot about this Johnny Cash production – yeah, that man in black. Can you imagine Jesus dying on the cross but still having enough fortitude to echo, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do” in the thickest Southern drawl? Yeah, me neither… until now.

5. Jesus of Nazareth – I already have some issues with this list, namely the underranking of some greats. But this brilliant depiction scraping the top 5 is the equivalent to Jesus not “going through with everything” because he wasn’t a people person. I mean, seriously?! There’s no Easter without this movie. This is the “A Christmas Story” of this righteous day. And it’s only fifth?! Oy!

Maybe the greatest way to tell this story

Maybe the greatest way to tell this story

4. Monty Python’s The Life of Brian – And so, the list goes on. Surprises. Ballyhoo. Misalignment. And now, the angry mob is actually a pithy crowd of English snobs. Oh sure, this is hilarious and borderline sacrilege, but this would be up there with an honorable mention with “History of the World, Part I.

3. The Last Temptation of Christ – This isn’t some soul journey for a dude named Jesus that folk mistake as a day laborer. Yes, those who truly heart Jesus know about this movie, but not for divine, adoring reasons. This is public enemy #1. And please, it’s an Easter film with sex and violence. Not really what I would consider to be holy on a day of deliverance. I have another list for this film, but that’s another blog all together.

2. The Passion of the Christ – Here, here. Read Corliss’ summation of this amazing film. It says it all, except for one thing – three hours of this movie will do more for a person on a pilgrimage than most churches these days ever will. And I don’t necessarily know if that’s a good thing or not.

1. AND THIS IS NOT A JOKE, as printed in a formerly respectable magazine… South Park: Fantastic Easter Special. Not Campus Crusade’s Jesus film. Not King of Kings. The Nativity Story didn’t make it. But this tomfoolery did?! If Jesus had a grave, he’d be rolling in it! Someone lay hands on me because I must have the flu.

Well, there you have it – a highly controversial list with several gaffes, absurdities and ruminations.

There should be a litany of comments on this, but despite it all – and you know you saw this coming – it’s still “The Greatest Story Ever Told” (which incidentally didn’t make the list also).