Archive for March 20, 2009

The Bible tells us “For we have not a high priest which cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities” (Hebrews 4:15 KJV).

Fast forward 6,000 years and I presume that means feeling like we haven’t the time to do anything because we are too preoccupied taking up overtime. You know like running to Starbucks, going to a bible group or even taking 15 minutes to pray.

Huzzah! Fear no more. That whole “I feel you” thinking has got your back because God now has an 800 number. Well, kinda.

Dutch artist Johan van der Dong has set up a local telephone number in the Netherlands, where he urges people to leave messages for God on his answering machine. “Like praying, leaving a voicemail message is a way to organize your thoughts,” he said. “It’s a perfect combination for some contemplation.”

Yeah. Even He has one - a great iAm phone.

Yeah. Even He has one - a great iAm phone.

Well, that’s mighty narcissitic of him, isn’t it?

Call God… at his answering machine?!

What, did Robert Tilton decide to create another ministry fleecing the sheep? Oral and Richard Roberts come out of their sabbatical and witness protection to find another small business venture? Did Thomas Weeks come up with a kitschy new idea for a program on TBN?

You know, ratings and all.

Good thing there is Vonage and cell plans with unlimited long distance. Can you imagine the charges for calling heaven?! And then, what happens if his son answers the phone? What would you say, “Um, hey! Is your Daddy home? I’m hungover and I need to promise him… again… that I’ll never do this if he makes this vicious headache go away.”

“SURE,” the bellowing voice says. “DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADYYYYYYYY!!!

So, here’s the REAL (no kidding) phone number:

Callers dialing 06-4424-4901 (or +316-4424-4901 if calling from outside the Netherlands) for the message, “Hi, you are speaking to God. I’m not in right now so leave a message after the beep.”

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DATELINE: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Then let Muslims discuss "In the Beginning"... well, maybe not.

Then let Muslims discuss "In the Beginning"... well, maybe not.

[Oh yeah, you know this story has to be interesting.] Apparently, the Malaysian government has been part of Oprah’s book club and all reading the same book because they have unanimously voted to re-impose a ban on Christian publications… from using the word “Allah.”

[See, I told you so.]

Apart from barring the use of Allah, the ban on Christian publications also includes prohibitions on using words like Kaabah, Solat and Baitullah.

So, while Christian reporters can’t talk or write about Muslims going to church, praying or enjoying their Hajj (the pilgrimage) in Malaysia, it’s the people’s feelers the Malaysian government that brought on this drama:

It is just that the government wants to avoid any confusion, [Malaysian Home Minister Syed Hamid] Albar added.

Nice. You know, with government officials like this, who needs enemies?

So, I’m just a bill… a lonely ol’ bill… had to be set on Malaysia’s Capitol Hill because you think Muslims, whom I’ll bet a dozen bean pies ain’t reading those cracked Christian publications, are complete morons and get Jesus and Muhammed confused?!

Seriously, I don’t see Imams teaching hooked on phonics. There isn’t a pressing need to sound out All-ahhhhh before you kneel on a musallah. Wait, that just confused me too. I wonder if this an affect on Muslim agnostics?!