Archive for March 5, 2009

Maybe it was the deplorable State of the Union. No, not the speech… the country. Perhaps it was recent outbreak of superhero movies to hit – and dominate – the big screen. Or possibly people are tired of attributing the “hero” tag to fictional people.

Whatever the case, this is an Apocalypse Watch! Much like the TV show, meet the next “Greatest American Heroaccording to this latest Harris poll that says the BarackStar is this nation’s idea of a hero. Here is this messed up nation’s Top 10, in reverse to add to the drama:

obama-superman10. Mother Teresa (who outranks… GOD at a close #11. And she ain’t even canonized!)

9. Chesley Sullenberger (Hero, yes. Creator of the Universe, not so much.)

8. John F. Kennedy (Probably just for the whole Marilyn Monroe thing.)

7. John McCain (More like a tragic hero, if you need him.)

6. Abraham Lincoln (End a war. Free the slaves. Rock the Amish look for your entire presidency.)

5. Dubya (Hrm. Oh-kay. Next?)

4. Ronald Reagan (Well? You thought that was good. Wait until you hear my Mr. Ed.)

3. Martin Luther King (I know the next two. It has to be…)

2. JESUS CHRIST (#2. Seriously?)

And yes, in the words of the aforementioned failed TV show, “Believe it or not”…

1. Barack Obama

Incidentally, only one of those have actually walked on water and healed the sick. But eh, who’s counting miracles. Now, if the BarackStar takes care of the economy, now that’s a miracle!

But I probably still wouldn’t ask him to sign my Bible. No matter how cute he looks in that leotard and cape.

DATELINE: Chattanooga, Tenn.

What in the world happens there? Well, for starters, churches hosting traveling Gospel duets. Sweet, right? Uplifting, sure.

Too Close to Heaven?

Too Close to Heaven?

But, um, criminal? Yeah, evidently “the reason why this couple sings” is to shack up on honorariums and then bathe the church in propane. “Oh Happy Day.”

Investigators charged a traveling gospel singer’s wife with attempting to set fire to a church where she got upset with the pastor after her husband had performed there, Chattanooga fire officials said. Court records show that the woman was charged Wednesday with attempted arson at the Harmony Baptist Church.

“Stand by Your Man”? Yeah, I suppose that could be Gospel music.

So, the evening service didn’t go that well. The offering wasn’t that great. You know, the economy and all. And her hubby’s voice probably cracked, so giggles abound during the chorus of “This Train.”

But the match that lit the fuse – eh, so to speak – was the pastor of the church confronting sister friend about her sleeping arrangements.

Fire officials said the woman got upset after the pastor, who had offered them overnight accommodations, noticed they were not wearing wedding bands and asked if they were married.

The nerve! I’m guessing their mini-skree has tanked since this story, but hey, maybe she has a career in a repentance calling. With the sackcloth and ASHES homegirl can flame on, souls are bound to get saved.

You go girl. Only don’t pray for the “fire of God.” People may get jumpy given your prison record.

We are in the high holy days of Lenten.

And, if you are of the Catholic ilk, what are you laying down for the season? Chocolate? Sex? Anything? Well, if you have heard from the Vatican lately, you probably aren’t reading this post.

The Italian branch of the Roman Catholic Church wants its followers to forswear text messaging, social-networking Web sites and computer games in the run-up to Easter. While many Italians traditionally give up fatty foods or, in extremis, alcohol, the appeal to go without some of the trappings of the modern world, including Facebook, iPhones and computer games, on Fridays — and on other days if possible — is unprecedented.

Hey Pope, who's in your five?

Hey Pope, who's in your five?

And now for one of the most hypocritical and hilarious things I’ve heard in a while:

The Pontiff warned on his YouTube site in January that “obsessive” use of mobile phones or computers “may isolate individuals from real social interaction while also disrupting the patterns of rest, silence and reflection that are necessary for healthy human development.”

The Pope has a YouTube site… that (wait for it) has not shut down and is operational as of 10 hours ago. Nice.

Maybe while you are at it, unplug all those power breakers that are most likely running on some sort of electronic panel.

Rock it Old School, playa.

Have high mass by candlelight, never mind not having electricity. People will think it’s Christmas… right until Easter. How sacrosanct is that?!

Genius move, Il Papa. Just keep your site active for all those people who will give up chocolate instead. People still need to get their video voyeur on. And then, can call all their friends in CCD class with those rollover minutes they are saving.