Ted Haggard’s identity “can’t be put in a box”, never mind what was in his “closet”

Posted: January 30, 2009 in Above the Fold, Follow up, OMG!, Televised Theology and Toiletries
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tedhaggardbookFrom a personal masseuse and pushing pills to embarrassing his family and eradicating his ministry, Ted Haggard has been one busy boy.

And now, with a shudder and two snaps in a circle, he fights back with a one-liner that sounds like he pulled out of his crate of homiletics: “[My] sexual identity is complex… and can’t be put into stereotypical boxes.” And then, continues to say the relationship with his wife is stronger than ever.

Uh, I’m sorry?

Lately, Ted has been on a media whirlwind tour, and possibly to lure out some ratings for his tabloid expose on HBO. And so, after speaking about his exile from TV, his church and you know, the public’s conception of a nice guy, he owns it:

“I am guilty. I am responsible,” Haggard, 52, said Friday in a phone interview. “I got off track, and I am deeply sorry and I repent … I’m moving along in a positive direction.”

Good on ya’, Ted. But um, you care to shed some light on that “stereotypical boxes” commentary:

Asked whether he could define his sexual identity, Haggard said: “The stereotypical boxes don’t work for me. My story’s got some gray areas in it. And, of course, I’m sad about that but it’s the reality.

Dude, “gray” isn’t the word, as if it’s some metallic silver as seen through the eyes of an old woman. I mean the murky monochromatic gray of the old woman’s hair… and possibly cuticles.

Hrm, well at least he is looking toward redemption and deliverance while trekking down the highway of regaining his ministry. There, get that out of your frilly closet, brother.

Now back living in Colorado Springs, Haggard said Friday he hopes to build his business selling insurance and debt-reduction software and is considering marketing himself through a speakers bureau to share his story — “if the terms were right. I have to earn a living. If what I have is helpful to other people, then I want to make that available to them,” he said. “If it’s not, then I’m perfectly happy building my business.”

Ah well, there’s always Amway. I hear they sell pills… and so, it all comes full circle.

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Comments
  1. […] man who hand-led his family through a harangue of male prostitution, drugs and oh yeah, “categorically denying… has decided that what Eddie Long needs is his valuable […]

  2. Piano Chord says:

    I’m sure he could sell the brooklyn bridge, if he started a church that grew to 14,000. I think the guy’ll be alright. But it’s a shame he’s so conflicted. To bad we can’t all just believe in what we like.

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