Tom Cruise: Scientology helps you stop believing in Dog

Posted: January 12, 2009 in Good for a Giggle, IJS, Occultish Observations, Religion Potpourri
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Jumping on couches. Arguing about Zoloft. Making his betrothed vanish like a fart in the wind. Laughing because Katie Holmes face is on milk cartons. All this is a day in the life for Scientology’s Superman, Tom Cruise.

Brought to you by the Church of Scientology

Brought to you by the Church of Scientology

And now we have this bizarre claim seen on WOW News Times Online in the UK:

He [Tom Cruise] told a Spanish magazine that the teachings of Ron L Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, helped him overcome reading difficulties deriving from dyslexia.

Ain’t that sweet. But the issue is seeing how this cultish tomfoolery is based on humanism, there is absolutely no room for divine intervention… so where was the healing? Did Ronnie boy invent Hooked on Scientology Phonics? What? He sat down with you on his lap and taught you to read See Pug Run?

When I graduated from high school in 1980 I was functionally illiterate,” he said. “Nobody gave me a solution and I wanted to know why the system had failed. Finally, as an adult I learned to read perfectly through the method of (Scientology’s late founder) L. Ron Hubbard,” Cruise confesses.

This may be a little deep, but how fun would it be to give a young “Risky Business” Tom Cruise, battling with a little reading disorder and some twit hands him a page full of palindromes. You know, hand him a fictional script reading something like this in italics:

It’s 8:02 p.m., February 20, 2002 (20:02, 02/20 2002), and I see Bob on radar driving a Honda Civic. He brakes shouting, “Was it a rat I saw?” WHEW! “I shall step on no pets,” he thinks while singing Yoko Ono and whistling about a redivider. You see, he was stressed about desserts. Then someone shouted, “Yo! Banana Boy!” Bob turned, apologized and shouted an S.O.S., “Was it a car or a cat I saw?” Who cares. “Red rum sir is murder.”

Man! I read perfectly and that confused the heck out of me. Good times, Hubbard. Decipher that – words and phrases. Enjoy.

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