So, when a guy is leading the rally cry for the Red Kettle, and ring-a-ding-dinging in front of grocery stores all over Wisconsin, a dude needs an outlet. Right?
Unfortunately, Captain Johnny is a widower. He’s lonely in the winter standing in front of barren stores, packed parking lots and greeted by people who are either on the cell phone, in a mysterious 50-yard dash to get inside or just have their pants on fire. Anything, but make eye contact with Johnny wishing you, “Merry Christmas” as he ogles that red kettle in hopes of you dropping a dime.
And then he figures those aren’t phone numbers getting dropped in his kettle, and that red apron is not that fetching for the ladies, so he waxes his board and surfs an online Christian dating site. He met the cryptically named “Cia”, fell in love and now will lose his job if he marries her. Huh?!
Harsh, a widower, is engaged to a woman who isn’t affiliated with the Salvation Army — and that is against Salvation Army rules. Major Robert Thomson, the Salvation Army divisional commander, told Action 2 News by phone, “Captain Harsh, through some decisions of his own he has made that deal with his personal life and personnel, we’re just working through those decisions that he’s making, and because it’s a personnel issue I can’t say more than that.”
Well, good thing human resources got to you before – you know – your conscience did, eh, Major?
Thanks to a follow-up from the Huffington Post, we get more information about this ludicrous cause for a pink slip:
Harsh said the organization’s rules regarding marriage are outdated, unfair and must be changed, but he doesn’t want his personal situation to harm the Salvation Army… “[The rules] are not scriptural. They are man-made,” Harsh said. “God could care less about the uniform or a position. I am doing this so future officers don’t have to go through what I went through.”
What, these antiquitous neanderthals don’t have Salvation Army networking events where Captain Johnny can hook up with those red kettle starlets hanging out on the West Coast? Because if a brother has a hankering for only Salvation Army chics, then why not go after ones that take credit cards? Makes cents to me.