Daylight come and me wanna go home

Daylight come and me wanna go home

Eschatologists and new-age kooks alike, mark your calendars!

According to Mayans everywhere (and this popular brick noted on the Wall), 2012 is going to be a grand year of transition.

It’s not because of another presidential election when radio stations across the country can begin playing “Send in the Clowns.”

No, it’s because of this pictured quarter-man, quarter-wily bird, quarter-slimy snake and quarter-rabid mythological creature Quetzalcoatl.

This “thing” is scheduled to return in four years to slither on his throne during the Winter Solstice.

Someone warn Santa! Well, evidently a bunch of tools on the “naughty list” convened in San Francisco [insert your own joke here] to discuss 12-21-12, the last day of the Mayan calendar and the return of “what’s his name”.

In these times of economic distress, participants shelled out $300 each to attend the sold-out 2012 Conference, where astrologers, UFO fans, shamans and New Age entrepreneurs of every stripe presented their dreams and dreads in two days of lectures, group meditations, documentaries and, of course, self-promotion.

Anyone notice what’s missing from this multi-level marketing scam cloaked in turkey feathers, voodoo dolls, witches’ brew and aliens? Besides the common sense to spend your money on something more worthwhile in this economy, like gas or electricity?! CHRISTIANS!

People are so hungry to get one step closer to a deity – any deity – they are willing to believe anything to get there. Pick your prophet: Cultish frauds, Nostradamus and even wild barnyard animals… well, kinda. And now, just guys are becoming experts on the new dawn of the dead.

Take Jay Weidner, whose firm – Sacred Mysteries – has sponsored four more of these overhyped and eternally damnable events in the next six months. Seriously? You got four years to go before you are shown to be a fraud. Pace yourself. Anywhoo, on with the quote.

“The greatest crisis in human history is unfolding all around us. It’s not the end of this world, but it’s the end of this age,” he likes to say. “To survive the 21st century, we’re going to have to become a sustainable world — people should want to know how to pound a nail, milk a cow and grow their own food.”

Uh, yeah. About that? There’s this religious and philosophical group known for hanging out in New England villages who could probably do a lot better at teaching this tricks of Ye Ole trade than some metrosexual dolt in pressed jeans and a bedazzled button-down shirt teaching about freakish mammals.

Ah well, while I am serving the Lord and worshiping Jesus, I’ll be praying someone in the Bay Area calls Animal Control. It may save folk some money… and sanity.

  1. oshun says:

    Have you ever heard of cultural myth? Or how about pre-Christian myths about good shepherds and sacred Suns? Or better yet, how about respect for the cultures of indigenous people who were obliterated in the name of Spanish “Missionaries” and “religious” inquisitions? Get a clue, and be like Christ, who accepted the “whores”, zealots, lepers, and criminals, as more dear to him than the Saduccees, who sound an awful like the judgmental finger-pointers who claim to know the whole truth. Have reverence for the Most High Creator who loves all of Its Infinite creation, without condemnation. Mine is aGod of forgiveness, infinite good, and INCLUSION!! How about yours?

    • hiscrivener says:

      Yeah, same God. All the same attributes. But, as opposed to yours, mine could laugh.

      Believing a dog-lizard-dude-god is coming back to make his own dystopia a tad humorous.

  2. […] However, it also preying on the lost and the scared. People are apocalyptic by nature. Those who have no hope stored up for heaven think hell is just a rain drop away. And they will look anywhere for a sign of impending doom, from eerie books of faith to ancient civilization to astrologers’ conferences discussing the coming of “what’s his name”. […]

  3. Morrison says:

    Realistically speaking it really doesn’t matter wether or not the deighty in question is a ‘quarter-man, quarter-wily bird, quarter-slimy snake and quarter-rabid mythological creature’ or a bearded omniscent, omnipresent, omnipotent intangible father figure whom you mustn’t question as ‘He works in mysterious ways’, the human mind (although created by the deighty in question) is incapable of understanding the grand scheme and besides, it’s awfully rude to point out the holes in a religious belief structure.

    I digress. You guys/gals seem so ready to dismiss rather than considering there might be an alternative to your religious beliefs or there might be the underlying possibility that religion itself is yet another man made construct and thus full of holes bigger than the grand canyon and no particular belief system is correct.

    Suggested idea: quit trying to use religion as a justification for your superiority complex and accept the collective forms of christianity as yet another in a long list of already existing religions. No one can rightly say if the world is going to end come 2012, personally I doubt it, but then, who knows.

    • hiscrivener says:

      What is the use in having a dogmatic belief for living if you don’t have zeal, fervor or… oh yeah, belief? You think Buddhists belief you will be reincarnated if someone has no concept of Vishnu. Uh, no. It’s almost cliche to say it, but it bears repeating. I pray for folk to see what I see in Jesus Christ. I can’t imagine life without having some sense of vertical support.

      No one can say 2012 is doomsday, but I would rather wait upon the sound of a trump as validated through more than 2,000 of proven history than a mythological being that no one has ever documented in reality.

  4. hiscrivener says:

    The only detox they will get – it seems – is standing in front of a Great White Throne saying, “Um, you don’t like a hairy bird animal guy thing.” Yeah, I would imagine that would sober you up.

  5. Marianne says:

    People that would wait in joy for a winged serpent to bring enlightenment, have had too much pot, LSD, and cocaine in their systems.


  6. […] UPDATE: It just got much better, creepier and um, dumber too. […]

  7. sampan says:

    Thankyou verymuch

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