Archive for November 3, 2008

You have an opinion. You have a feeling. You have an unction from God. But do you have a reason?

WHY are you voting? Because you should.

Don’t believe me? Peep just a few musings by orators and existentialists much greater than yours truly. See you at the polls tomorrow!

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Not Alex, but nice beard nonetheless.

Not Alex, but nice beard nonetheless.

Meet eighth-grader Alex Woinski.

A mild-mannered boy who in his half-Jewish/half-Catholic ecumenical roots decided he had a novel idea for this past Halloween – your favorite Savior and mine, Jesus Christ.

Evidently, that’s what the heathen principals of West Brook Middle School in Paramus, N.J. exclaimed in the school cafeteria when they first saw young Alex, shortly before they kicked his tail out of school for wearing such a heinous costume!

Woinski, who has shoulder-length brown hair, wore a white robe, a red sash, sandals, a fake beard and a crown of thorns. His mother told The Record of Bergen County that Alex was told he could keep the costume on if he removed the beard and crown of thorns. Superintendent James Montesano said the district doesn’t want students wearing costumes that could be distracting.

OK, we’ll let the Birkenstocks and tattered bedsheet slide. But proof of puberty and tree shrubs adorning your brow is something we can’t allow at West Brook Jr. High. Because with the many parents who allow their kids to go door-to-door dawning the Grim Reaper or that dumb mask from SCREAM, I suppose the visage of a young Messiah would be alarming.

Trick or Treat. Smell my feet. Give me some unleavened bread to kosher ham to eat.

Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, huh? Yeah, I would have sent that brat home too. Good on ya’ New Jersey public schools.

Recently, a few bricks were hurled at the Wall about a fallout in the noted Robert Schuller camp – well, for both of them. As noted:

“For this lack of shared vision [between Pap Schuller and his grim-lipped kid] and the jeopardy in which this is placing this entire ministry, it has become necessary for Robert and me to part ways.

As the two Schullers decide who gets the China and who gets the pearls, we discover a new – and quite ridiculous – fashion to pastoring a church: Musical Preachers, thanks to the Los Angeles Times.

The schism between the Rev. Robert H. Schuller and his son at Orange County’s Crystal Cathedral arose over a disagreement about broadening the church’s long-running television show, “Hour of Power,” beyond a single personality — a move opposed by the younger Schuller, pastors involved in the matter said Sunday.

Makes sense, right? Papa Schuller is getting more advanced in years so he can’t read the holy writ like as he accustomed. The kid is younger, a little spry so he thinks, “Shoot, I can rock this joint and ALL those cameras with my dad’s gridiron jaw and uber-lukewarm pablum.”

Eh, not so much, grasshopper. The pebble is still in the old man’s hand.

The show will now be hosted by different pastors, and even businessmen, from around the country and Latin America.

Ah! Nothing says “Salvation” quite like a live infomercial on Six Sigma work efficiencies, promoting those lovely motivational posters and house flipping in industrial markets. In Espanol, no less!

You know, this could be a good thing. If folk don’t get saved in the famed Crystal Cathedral, they will at least walk out with a gimme bag of household products, “As Seen on TV” brochures and some inspirational quotes from Anthony Robbins.

Either way, that’s life improvement. Right?