Archive for October 9, 2008

Mary, Mary, why you buggin'

Mary, Mary, why you buggin

Another Brick – and resident caterwaul – on the Wall, Kwesi, called it… where is the God Sighting this month?

Evidently, Jesus was too busy with the economy, the war and other prayer necessities, but without fail… his mama showed up in a Springfield, Mass. hospital. The only problem with her visitation is that she is causing quite the hubbub in hospital operations, so as immaculate as she is, she’s got to go.

Only in America.

Hospital officials released a statement Wednesday saying they would remove the window, but would continue to study it over the next few months and may put it on display. Hospital spokesman Mark Fulco said the hospital believes the image is “unique,” but removing the window “is necessary for returning to normal operations.”

Oh, did I mention this is a CATHOLIC hospital?! Yeah, I think the hospital chief of staff will have to say some Hail Mar…er… um… well, never mind. Just call the Vatican. I’m sure there’s an indulgence you can use to get out of this.

You know, a guy needs his challenges. Sir Edmund Hillary had Mount Everest, Roger Bannister had the four-minute mile and now this… a megachurch pastor with a slight God complex wants to rule the air no one else has claimed.

As seen in this story from the Washington Posta real preacher – Joel Osteen – has chosen to address the “Prince of the Power of the Air.

Oh wait! Not that guy. The other PPA – the Federal Communications Commission. And why? So he can hold squatter’s rights over white spaces. This should be good…

Joel Osteen sent a letter to the Federal Communications Commission today in protest of the proposal by tech giants Google and Microsoft (among others) to use the unlicensed airwaves, known as white spaces, shared by wireless microphones to provide wireless broadband. The makers of wireless mics are concerned that sharing the airwaves will interfere with their signals and knock their productions off the airwaves.

Can you blame him? Here is Joel discussing how this is (yet again) your best day yet in front of a packed house of 20,000. His drawn-out twang can be heard echoing off the rafters through the stadium’s PA system, then without a moment’s notice, a hip-hop Tejano station interferes with the frequency and folk begin dancing the Samba!


All pastors proselytizing in warehouses rock the wireless so they can be further animated with their hands in their pockets because you know they aren’t flipping through any pages in the Bible. What’s odd is how come he is the only griping about this? Either he is the only on-top-of-the-news pastor out there, or other folk just don’t care.

Anyway you look at it, he’ll get his way. Why? He probably sent his lovely wife Victoria to hand-deliver the message, she reminds folk at the FCC what she is capable of doing in close spaces (like an airplane) and they give in out of fear for their own breastseses.

Oh no! I don’t think this milquetoast preacher is looking for the one thing he doesn’t have enough money to buy. But it sure is ironic that he is after “White Spaces“. Huzzah!

Being a Texan, I hear “Border Talk” almost weekly in this state. Governor Rick Perry wants to throw so much money at the Texas/Mexico border, you’d think the fence was going to be gold plated and diamond encrusted.

And speaking of megalomania, the Pope raised a royal Ruby cradled scepter in the air to declare his own border protection plan, you know, for the entire country. And what is it?

Appealing on behalf of the world’s migrants, Pope Benedict XVI said Christians should put their faith into action and give priority attention to refugees and immigrants. The pope said St. Paul – a “missionary to migrants – should inspire Christians to show solidarity with the diverse world of today’s migrants, including the “victims of modern forms of slavery” and human trafficking.

Migrants have insurmountable hardships, yes. They come to this country looking for a better way of life, true. But, shouldn’t we place a priority on our own land and our own people, Il Papa? Because if we allow ourselves to go to hell, what good will those migrants have over here when we become the Children of the Corn?!

The Apostle Paul was a great example of loving people from all walks of life, but let’s not make the author of 2/3 of the New Testament the patron saint of tourism. You already have a cat for that gig, right?

OK, if this is your campaign now, just own it. Let’s take down all the walls around the Vatican, just in case a migrant wants to make a 1,000-year old basilica his home. Get rid of those Nancys in those striped, fluffy suits that look like gay Spanish conquistadors. And for Pete’s sake, turn over the keys to that Popemobile because a brother from Kuwait wants to take that hooptie out for a spin.

So, in other words, “Mr. Ratzinger, tear down that wall!” Maybe?