How ironic. He looks like another brainwasher for Jesus. Who was that again? Oh, I don't know but I sure am thirsty for some Kool-aid

How ironic. He looks like another brainwasher for Jesus. Man, I could use some Kool-aid

Tony Alamo is either an evangelist with a wide-scaping mission or a corrupt, nefarious fool using yet again God as a cover-up for his sin. Either way, he’s mysterious… until now.

For those that had swayed toward the latter, may I introduce a federal raid on his compounder, ministry and a story from CNN.

The raid is part of a two-year investigation into a compound near Texarkana, Arkansas, owned by Tony Alamo Christian Ministries, said Bill Sadler of the Arkansas State Police. About 100 agents were on the 10- to 15-acre site late Saturday and met with no resistance, he said.

Two years says a lot more than, “Um, let’s flippantly look into that one call.” If it’s a hoax based upon two years of investigation into child abuse and porn, then the FBI has way too much time on their hands. So, further endearing himself to the authorities, Alamo developed a mental case of stigmata.

“Why were they after Jesus?” he asked. “It’s the same reason. Jesus is living within me.”

If I have learned anything in seminary, it’s that any tool claiming an inhabitude proximity to the King of Kings is whacked out of his gord and an utter fraud destined for a more balmy climate (i.e. Koresh, Jones, de Jesus Miranda, well you get the point).

So, let’s run down this perv’s resume and you tell me if this Alamo is indeed worth remembering:

  • He allegedly stole his wife’s body from a mausoleum (owned by his own ministry) just as the feds were looking for it inspecting “church property”
  • He has a second name, legally (born Bernie Lazar Hoffman). This is Jesus – not Hollywood, you twit
  • He spent six years in prison for the ubiquitous “tax evasion,” which he earned for creating a line of “Tony Alamo” sequined denim jackets. Classy.
  • His ‘church’ has officially been dubbed a hate group – not quite the street cred you want claiming to love Jesus and all.
  • He has been recorded a bajillion times calling the Vatican, “a cult” anyone who go to a Catholic church, “heretics” and the man who holds the Papal office, “the super boss of all governmental agencies.” But hey, what’s new, right?
  • You call the goings-on at Capitol Hill, the “anti-Christ government.” I know the U.S. elected officials have been called many things, but never that one… oh wait, there’s this one guy. Ah, nevermind.
  • And lastly, if watchdog groups and cult experts like the great Rick Ross label you in their “Top 10,” odds are… you deserve it.

Tony Alamo, you have been called a polygamist, cult leader, child abuser and criminal. You have been arrested for tax evasion and now for child porn and underage sex. If you were the only Alamo in Texas, I believe I would move to North Dakota, or maybe even North Korea.

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