Archive for September 22, 2008

The terrorist attacks on 9-11 didn’t just alter the American economy and our sense of safety, but it gave the U.S. foreign relations footprint a good boot in the butt.

This country discovered who its friends really were – and France, suffice to say, will not be invited to any of our nation’s birthday parties anytime soon. So as if the Body of Christ and Americans in general, here’s yet another lovely reason to despise the French – they hate Jesus.

Not just a couple of folk but 90 percent of the whole fried country, according to this report from Reuters.

At the bottom of the chart was France, where only 10 percent saw religion as very important and 60 percent said they never pray

This was a country once inhabited and oversaw by priests – granted, they were Pagan Celts, but nevermind that. What happened? This wouldn’t be a free post on the Wall without a few moments to opine:

  1. Our fascination with megachurches really gives them “Jesus Envy.” I mean, haven’t you seen those streets in France? I’m surprised they can build outhouses, yet alone a house of God on those lilliputian walkways.
  2. France is a collective den of cults with major hubs for Scientology, Children of God, Unification Church and Order of the Solar Temple. No wonder they can’t stand Jesus. Why worship one God when you can have so many choices?! Ask a Hindu, they’ll tell you for sure.
  3. France is openly considered the “eldest daughter to the Roman Catholic Church.” Considering what dating must have been like for this chic, seeing how her Daddy was the Pope, France is probably still single, really weather-ridden and bitter about being an old maid. America on the other hand? Well, that is the Catholic Church’s “adopted daughter”, so she probably got all these hot characteristics and lived a rebellious life. Shoot, what else do you expect from a P.K.?!

Ah, Vive la France. What Gaul. (WOW! That was a stretch, but if you fancy history, a funny one!)

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Sometimes, you see the bad guy get what he richly deserves – three hots and a cot. Then, you see the justice system in action forcing you to scratch your head so much it leaves a bald spot.

Remember Mary Winkler?

This was a Church of Christ’s pastor’s wife who was evidently abused on a regular basis. So, she does what most would applaud her for doing – she killed him, on accident, but he’s dead nonetheless. Although death may be too uh, final, for a wife-beater, it does provide a taste of what that nut did to her for years – allegedly.

Mary, Mary was buggin’ (a little RUN DMC humor there) in a state mental institution for seven months and her daughters – ages 11, 9 and 3 – were watched by her (wait for it) paternal grandparents, who begged the court for full custody claiming their former granddaughter-in-law was an unfit parent.

Ya’ think?!

Anywhoo, yesterday the unthinkable happened causing yet another bald spot on scalps everywhere. Mary Winkler was given FULL CUSTODY of her children. Nice.

Judge Ron Harmon of Carroll County Chancery Court returned full custody following a brief hearing, saying he was pleased that Winkler and her former in-laws have agreed to work together for the good of the children… “We love each other, and we’re getting along,” she said. “We’ve reconciled.”

Well, that’s sweet. Now that we have rectified the holidays for the Winkler family, who in the hell is going to explain why Daddy isn’t home to that three-year old?! And what must those other girls think of their mother. It’s terrible why it happened, but it’s even worse considering the collateral damage.

And you think the stereotype for preacher’s kids are bad now. Just wait a few years and give me a call about those girls. Mercy.

Uh, yeah!

Uh, yeah! How is that working out anyway?

Due respect to NBC and the weight-watching wunderkin, the headline fits and HiScrivener stands by it. 🙂

Why? Because this sanctimonius schlemiel has decided that although his heralded second marriage to Juanita Bynum didn’t work out too well, “Bishop” Thomas Weeks has decided to live up to his surname once again.

How? Despite all the confirmed wife-beating, rumors of “playing for the other team”, adultery while in the pulpit, going to jail for a parking lot brawl, writing a book about all this tomfoolery, a disgruntled ex airing your dirty laundry on national TV and farce of a relationship, he’s baaaaack.

Mr. Weeks has decided to get back on his bike for a paper route, throw out his resume in hopes of landing another (HIS THIRD) unsuspecting wife to sweep off her feet – via the miracle of a REALITY SHOW!

Only in America, and ONLY in the world of megachurches, could this happen… and what a nicer guy too.

Weeks will document his effort to open his heart to love again in 10 streaming video “Web Episodes” of his reality show “WHO WILL BE THE NEXT MRS. WEEKS,” which airs at noon Tuesday on his Web site http://www.bishopweeks.com. The idea came after Weeks was flooded with thousands of e-mails and letters from people offering advice about what to look for in his third wife. Some even offered to be his wife.

Are you serious?! This bow-tie wearing, wife-beating, fake press conference-having charlatan didn’t learn enough after he took on his vows with the TBN-televised pseudo-reality wedding with his televangelist bethrothed? Evidently not.

The group [Thomas Weeks’ uh, aides] concludes the woman should be at least 25 years old but “with special exemptions for 21 and up if they are classy,” Weeks said. She also must want to have children with him. “This woman has to be very discerning, and very intimate, and very social and very sensual,” Weeks says, laughing. “And on the ministry side she has to be very diverse. She can’t be ugly. She has to be easy on the eyes.

Stay classy, you dunderhead.

So, what’s worse? The fact that this fool thinks he can put the televised abusing past behind him and laugh in the face of Christianity or these hapless hos (Come on. Like you weren’t thinking that) will stand in line at a chance to get 15 minutes of fame and 15 whatever of catching a beatdown as the next Mrs. Weeks?!

“What kind of advice would you give me about the new Mrs. Weeks?” he asks on a Web site promo of the episode. “We will probably find in due time who is that perfect woman for me,” Weeks says. “This time I’m not going to limit it just to the local church … It’s a global ministry. We’ve got to have a global search.”

If you mean, “global” as in the entire throng of media (general, viral and social) blowing up typing feverishly in uncontrollable laughter for posts about your next cover up as you enjoy life on the down-lower, conquest as you keep “lookin’ for love in all the wrong places,” then yes, it’s certainly global!

And don’t expect Juanita Bynum to have a comment. Why would she? The girl is having a hard enough time maintaining her image and rebuilding her once-acclaimed ministry. The last thing she needs is a “global” sound bite about this reality-show fiasco.

Well, now that you are “The Bachelor,” enjoy this “Amazing Race.” Oh sure, you will never be known as an “American Idol” and this hunt will do everything but give your tarnished image an “Extreme Makeover,” but who knows? Maybe, just maybe, the next “Survivor” of your stunt will actually become “The Mole” and your narrow behind will end up on the great progeniator of all reality shows, “COPS”.