Archive for September 17, 2008

It's all about the math

It is all about the math

Two years ago, Teen Challenge – a national young adult ministry, purchased a 13-acre property near Nashville, Tenn. Did they want to build altars and sacrifice crack pipes to the gods? Not quite. What about a temple of hash and get the entire city high as a kite when they flamed on the “Evening Vigils”? Nah. They planned “to build a residential treatment facility for young people suffering from addiction.”

I know what you’re thinking. Yeah, that would hack me off as well.

Well, the kind-hearted folk in the community protested AND SUED over the build fearing those pesky drug addicts would flood the neighborhood.

The self-dubbed “faith-based solution for the drug epidemic” decided those crack hos and dope fiends were worth fighting, so they countersued. And… they won.

Last Thursday, a federal district court jury found that officials with the Metropolitan Government of Nashville and Davidson County violated the Equal Protection Clause of the U.S. Constitution, the Fair Housing Act, and the Americans With Disabilities Act when they denied Teen Challenge the right to expand its Christian-based ministry on property owned by the organization.

The jury also awarded damages to Teen Challenge totaling $967,995.

And of course, the man noted “Public Enemy #1” from the ACLU, Jay Sekulow, was not too far behind with sound bite in mind.

“This jury verdict sends a powerful message that religious discrimination by government officials simply won’t be tolerated.  And the damage award also sends a message that there’s a hefty price to pay for those who discriminate against religious organizations,” said Jay Sekulow, chief counsel for American Center for Law and Justice, which represented Teen Challenge in the case.

There you go, ACLU-advocates and elitist folk living behind gated communities out of touch from the underling, peon serfdom known as “Everyday People,” bite me. Or, well more accurately, bite them. And after all that sticky green they are getting out of your system, you’ll have the munchies anyway.

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For the past several weeks, the Wall has been plastered with spray paint about Michael Guglielmucci and one of the most fraudulent acts to hit the Church since the Farting Preacher was busted.

Everyone has heard about the man who cried “Cancer” in a crowded church amphitheater leaving everyone running for the exits. Well, everyone except HILLSONG CHURCH FOUNDER, Brian Houston.

Apparently, he’s been vacationinger, preaching stateside and happened to not have access to his e-mail, cell phone, friends, family, church employees or maybe smoke signals.

Now that Pastor Brian Houston has returned down under, his inbox has mysteriously filled up with nastygrams about some cat named Michael Guglielmucci, and he has seen fit to answer on his blog all bewitched, bothered and bewildered. Take it away Ellaer, Brian:

I have been away overseas while a drama has unfolded in Australia about Michael Guglielmucci… writer of the song ‘Healer’, which has blessed and encouraged so many people… This is easily the biggest and most elaborate hoax I have ever personally witnessed. I still am perplexed by it. So now we all know that so much of this was not real… but was I personally sucked in? Yep,100%!!! It was a two year academy award worthy performance as far as I am concerned.

I have always been an ardent fan of Hillsong, but never had the opportunity to hear Brian Houston preach. After you read the transparency, the charity and the reality of his blog post in the aforementioned link, I think you will become a small fan of his. I have. He sounds, well… pissed. And why shouldn’t he?

His church was the stage for this rouse. His choir were the background accompaniment on that amazing song. All the while, his country was held victim by the tenderness of worship and the temerity of the lie behind it.

However, “Mr. Hillsong” remembers the same grace and love that clothed him while he was overseas is the very arms of mercy that holds Michael Guglielmucci as he lay in fetal position on his therapist’s couch humming a familiar tune all the while.

The blog was practice. Let’s see what happens when he gives in to AdelaideNow asks for the cover story interview. That’s a test worth studying. Stay tuned, Wall Watchers.

I don’t think there is any singular thing that obliterates perceptions of the Church and keeps those “interested but not ready to commit to God” than STEREOTYPES.

In case you are wrapped in the Old Rugged Cross and unable to see how most of the Christians you know fit the stereotypes, then here’s a quick lesson before we get to what Baptists are doing to keep the myth going.

  • Anyone know a waiter? Ask them what is the most-hated shift: Sunday Brunch. Ask them why and get back to me.
  • Anyone know a bill collector? Ask them what is one of the top five excuses for not paying. Answer: Tithe. Huh?!
  • Anyone know someone who isn’t saved? Ask them what is one of the top five reasons they are not. Answer: Christians. No. Kidding.

In other words, stereotypes – albeit atrocious – become that way for a reason. Whether it’s because of the media, watching COPS, dilapidated communities, rumor or even movies, the vocal AND VISUAL majority of any group make them true.

And this story from the Southern Baptist Convention doesn’t help matters any. Evidently, the SBC has decided the term “Southern” is keeping them away from being invited to certain parties, according to a recent poll by Lifeway Research:

27 percent of Southern Baptist senior pastors strongly or somewhat agreed with the statement, “Having the name ‘Southern’ in the ‘Southern Baptist Convention’ is a hindrance to the work of SBC churches.” Not everyone felt that way: 41 percent strongly disagreed with the statement; 27 percent somewhat disagreed and 5 percent said they didn’t know (courtesy RNS).

How’s that, pastors? You can’t find enough real estate to build inside the friendly confines of a trailer park? Perhaps, your praise and worship team is no longer rocking those crusty hymns because they are considering adding “Dueling Banjos” to the Sunday playlist. Oh, oh, I know. They are taking the biblical term, “DELIVERANCE” to another level and are now squealing like pigs during service.

Whatever the reason, you turds should be ashamed of yourselves. Do you really think folk still think the “South will rise again”? The um, white pressed sheet wearing folk who burn crosses, is all but a glimmer of what they used to be and speaking of flecks on humanity, skinheads are growing out their hair and calling it a day.

In case you cacophonus gaggle of dimwits haven’t consulted a history book since you know, the invention of the printing press, the Civil War is over and black people can actually pee in the “Whites Only” bathroom.

Oh well, I believe I have a HiScrivener solution for you. No worries, you’ll all like it. Close your churches and begin having worship in bowling alleys. You know, with all the big white bellies and tall red necks the SBC is throwing down these days, your congregations will feel right at home.