I’m Jesus. Northside, biiiiiyatch!

Posted: September 16, 2008 in Denominational Fun, Keep it real, Legal Prejudice, On Your Wall, Snap, Crackle and POP Culture
Tags: , , , ,

We know about the Hell’s Angels – raising cane, riding their bikes, pummeling tuirps in the local pool hall and selling dopeer, being capitalistic entrepreneurs.

Well, maybe there is a larger – and more reputable – gang syndicate out there that has a leader who has been rumored to do the unthinkable, the miraculous. You know the analogy, “It’s like he can walk on water.”

Let’s call this camorista, “The Heaven’s Devils” and its leader of the pack doubles as a humble carpenter when he’s not out transforming lives, raising the dead and creating a buffet out of a two-piece fish dinner. Evidently, he’s out recruiting gang members too.

Meet Tabitha Ruiz, a mild-mannered Seagoville (Texas) high school student.

Tabitha Ruiz says her silver and ruby beaded rosary is a gift from her mother that she’s worn ever since she was a child. She had it around her neck last week at Seagoville High School when a security guard stopped her at the door. “I went to school, walked through the metal detectors and they told me to take it off,” said the teenager. “I asked them why and they said because it’s gang-related.”

A ROSARY is now among the forbidden relics of theological lore because punks, hos and dimwitted folk in Hollywood use them as fashion accessories (among other things). Amazing. Is pop culture that powerful? Is the Vatican – or at least the local Diocese – that non-responsive and apathetic?

Poor thing.

When a girl can’t rock the pearls, it’s nice to be able to roll with the beads. That is, of course, she doesn’t want to be accused of packing a butterfly knife, zig zags and some heat – just in case some of the pesky, inked up ne’er-do-wells show up on her turf. Then its out with the KJV66 and “BANG BANG”, lead that fool to Church.

You pickin’ up what she’s throwin’ down? Feel me. Holla’.

  1. Tony Cathey says:

    “This just in: two teens found dead on a sidewalk outside of a local highschool with all of the blood evacuated from their body. Authorities are saying that the weapon used was a recently banned crucifix. Local officials thought that they had rid the streets of these dangerous items in last weeks “Toys for Prayer Kits” Rally. It’s obvious, according to one official that this was indeed gang related. Back to you Jim.”


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