I know, I can hear some groans from here. But it’s worth it.

Now we have an answer to the age-old question, “What do Miss America and Mother Teresa have in common?” Anyone? Is it just me?

Well, now we know thanks to the BBC.

It appears some Italian priest wanted to hold the world’s first beauty contest for nuns. Yeah, that’s right, voluptous sisters in a habit shaking their moneymakers for world peace. How uh, sweet. Oh, it was canceled with the quickness, but it’s the thought that most certainly does NOT count.

“My [Antonio Rungi, priest and everyday guy] superiors were not happy. The local bishop was not happy, but they did not understand me either,” Father Rungi told Reuters news agency from the town of Mondragone, near Naples. “It was interpreted as more of a physical thing,” he said. “Now, no one is saying that nuns can’t be beautiful, but I was thinking about something more complete.”

So, Andy, how did you see this Miss Convalescence pageant going down? Lets see [cue harp music and remind Wall Watchers knowledge of patron saints would help make this amusing]:

  1. To kick off the show, these hot sisters would traipse on stage, “Hi, I’m Miss Saint Francis of Assisi and I’m no dog,” followed by “Hey, I’m Miss Saint Christopher of Naples. Come fly with me,” then comes “What’s shakin’? I’m Miss Saint Vitus of Istanbul and I have much, much more than a funny personality,” and perhaps even “Hello. I’m Miss Saint Thomas Aquinas. I’ll be your tutor (wink).”
  2. Next comes the highly contested talent portion of the show. Dog grooming, fine basketweaving, stomping on grapes and singing “Ave Maria” by half the contestants would be big players. The winner would probably be a sacred moment of intercessory prayer… oh, and she did it without breathing. Ta-dah!
  3. The bathing suit competition would be a little rough. I mean, how many times can you rock the cleavage in those get-ups?!
  4. Finally, we have the finalists with their questionnaires of “If you were the Pope…”

Sintillating television. Or actually, delectable Internet viewing – as Fr. Rungi would have it. Stay classy, Padre and keep using your PC for um, “how to get excommunicated” study group.

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