Mormons believe Phil Keaggy is going to hell

Posted: August 24, 2008 in Denominational Fun, Good for a Giggle, IJS, Snap, Crackle and POP Culture
Tags: , , , , , ,


Phil Keaggy. You know, the same bible-believing, Jesus-loving cat that was referenced by the late, great Jimi Hendrix walking off stage at Woodstock after playing his historic version of the “Star Spangled Banner”.

Really? Yeah, some news guy asked him, “Hey Jimi. How does it feel to be the world’s greatest guitarist?” Hendrix replied, “I don’t know. Ask Phil Keaggy.”

Yes, WAY!

[If it’s wrong, HiScrivener would rather be right. H/T: Jim below. But shoot, whether it was Jimi, Eddie or nobody, Phil Keaggy is still greatness. So there. Tee hee.]

Well, it’s a good thing Phil Keaggy is very saved and sanctified, because folk in Utah think he’s a tool of the devil. Check out this moronic (yes, pun intended for those in the LDS know) article from the Salt Lake City Tribune.

There’s one thing we haven’t changed [in the Mormon church], though. The electric guitar is still regarded as the scepter of Satan. You’ll never hear one played (legitimately) in an LDS sacrament meeting… That doesn’t mean Mormons couldn’t loosen up a bit. Instruments currently banned in our worship meetings include the guitar (even unplugged), drums, saxophone, banjo, tuba, tambourine, didgeridoo, cymbals and bagpipes.

Not a pitchfork. No pentagrams. Not even the “helter skelter” sign seen chucked up in the air with lighters at rock concerts. None of that is as bad to a Mormon elder as a Gibson Les Paul Standard or a Fender American Stratocaster. Evil, I tell ya’. Just chilling.

You know, last time I visited a Guitar Center, I could have sworn that was a dimly-lit room with candles. Is that where the covens meet in Salt Lake? Well, while the Mormons jam out to Jesus listening to melodious tunes of the accordion, timpani and the recorder; I’ll be kneeling at a sardonic altar on Halloween listening to the likes of Third Day, Switchfoot, Skillet and of course, the Antichrist himself, Mr. Phil Keaggy.

Take it away, Phil. Good thing that’s a SIX (six, six) string guitar. Woohoo!

  1. donstuff says:

    This video may have come from a mormon event (note – bagpipes):
    And… satire almost always backfires on me – but I still utilize it.

  2. hiscrivener says:

    How is it that I can see satire coming at me a mile away, much like the aforementioned article. However, when I write about satire regarding an altar in Guitar Center and Helter Skelter signs, folk think I am as serious as that “penguin” in “The Blues Brothers”.

    I knew I should have found something on the Church of Christ and it’s lack of music. They’re not as sensitive. Geesh!


  3. murphy24p says:

    Funny, a lot of the mormon kids I went to school with were all in the marching band… playing instruments from the banned list! Shouldn’t the elders get together and put a stop to such madness?

    Don’t worry; if it’s a “rule” in the mormon church, wait a little while, it will change. Isn’t it great to play in a game where you can keep changing the rules?

  4. Jim says:

    Dude, you gotta drop the Hendrix story… it’s not true and Phil doesn’t claim it either.

  5. bloggernacleburner says:

    The only Moron in this particular instance is you. Kirby is a HUMOR columnist. Reading his column might have revealed that to you.

    Now, he’s making a point, you wont see guitar in Mormon worship services. But, ever heard of the Killers? Randy Bachman, who had one of the largest Grestch collections in the world? Hell, I even think the ear bleeding screeching of the Osmonds had some shelp on guitar.

    The Mormon ban on certain instruments is batshit crazy, and derivative of the fear of teh Jazz an teh Race Music. Just get your sources straight.

  6. oldfashionedgirl07 says:

    I find that article from the Trib a little bit on the far-out side. I’m a Mormon and I can promise you that the electric guitar is not viewed as the “scepter of Satan”. If it were, a lot of our members would be going to…well, you know where. Including Donny Osmond and the rest of his family. Neither is there a list of “banned” instruments. Musical numbers in our sacrament meetings are tend to be on the spiritual/sacred side. Just as you would never dream of having a harp solo in the middle of a rock concert, so we would probably not have an electric guitar solo in the middle of our meeting. The enviroment is completely different, that’s all.

    A lot of Mormon musicians actally are members of bands with electric guitars in them. In fact, I just went to a concert for the release of some Mormon artists and there were definitely guitars there. And a drum set. Mindy Gledhill, Michael Dowdle and Jessie Clark Funk are some of those artists.

    Oh, and in one sacrament meeting I was in, a friend of mine did play a hymn on a classical guitar! It was beautiful, and very inspiring.

    As for the bagpipes….they’ve probably just never been used because they are somewhat loud in a confined space such as our chapels. 😀

  7. […] { if (vbc) = ‘hidden’; = ‘#fff’ }); }); Mormons believe Phil Keaggy… trackback from post […Huh?!Phil Keaggy. You know, the same bible-believing, Jesus-loving cat that […]

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