Austin pastor needs prayer for sticky fingers

Posted: August 22, 2008 in Denominational Fun, On Your Wall, Spin Doctor
Tags: , , , ,

If this sounds like a personal problem, it is… with this tool’s soul.

Meet Donald Clyde, pastor of a Round Rock (bustling suburb of Austin, Texas) and all-around fraudulent, sanctimonious D-bag.

Since 1992, he has been helping himself to the bounty of the Lord. That’s right, he takes a tithe from the church for himself to the tune of stealing more than $700,000 in those 15 years. Hence, the picture… that’s how a pastor’s hands should be, completely transparent. But not this cat.

He was so stealthy too. He made sure he absolute power, swarthy with the entourage but no one knew all his steps and he was the only one with a skeleton key (he probably needed it to bury those bones in his closet… thanks, I’m here all week.)

Good thing a trusty church accountant wasn’t in on the rouse. She noticed something awry with the donations and took that to the board, which proceeded to kick his faux-pastor’s tail to the curb and call the cops.

Clyde pleaded guilty to two counts of felony theft, both of which carry a penalty of up to life in prison. But prosecutors and Clyde’s defense attorney, Marc Ranc, asked that Clyde receive five years in prison for the first charge and 10 years probation for the second charge, and that the sentences run concurrently.

Evidently, Marc Ranc – attorney at slime – took a few classes in PR during his law school keggers. Get this quote:

“From the beginning, Mr. Clyde took responsibility and cooperated with the district attorney’s office,” Ranc said. “The church is the most important thing to him.”

MEMO to Marky Mark: OF COURSE, the church [NOTE: little ‘c’] is the most important thing to him! How else could he buy those cars, clothes and condos?! His monthly stipend? Puh-lease. A brotha’ gotta eat you know?

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Comments
  1. […] worship Most evangelists or pastors in the news these days are accused of having sticky fingers, but we have discovered a new realm of “DOH!” with Michael Guglielmucci and his […]

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