Archive for August 17, 2008

Just when I thought there was too much hype about presidential Messianic claims and really too much brouhaha concerning a certain presidential candidate being the Antichrist… [talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place] out comes this absurd story warranting headline, above-the-fold consideration.

In short, the supreme experts of the Antichrist just had to make a statement about Barack Obama. Nice.

Note the first link about Messianic claims. That repertory got every PAC and lobbying group fiery under the collar claiming that McCainer, the company that produced that apocalyptic video was actually pouring kerosene on the Antichrist Obama debate.

Yes, there’s actually a national friggin’ debate over this! People aren’t more intelligent than this? Personally, I think these are the folk that look for directional signs having over the urinal, “Please don’t eat the big white mint.” We’re not talking Mensa students here. Alas, the argument rages on.

Said one DNC consultant group, “This is the use of religion at its very worst in politics because it is an attempt to subtly and perhaps even subconsciously play on some of the deepest fears of millions of evangelical Americans.”

Enough about the Antichrist already! Let’s hear from the folk that really know something about this eschatology ballyhoo. No, not Jesus or John on the island of Patmos. I mean, Tim Lahaye and Jerry Jenkins, progenitors of the best-selling, acclaimed “Left Behind” series. If a-n-y-o-n-e knows who is “The One”, they do. Right?

Recently, the divinitory duo put out a statement to attempt to put the kibosh on this politico drama:

LaHaye and Jenkins take a literal interpretation of prophecies found in the Book of Revelation. They believe the antichrist will surface on the world stage at some point, but neither see Obama in that role. “I’ve gotten a lot of questions the last few weeks asking if Obama is the antichrist,” says novelist Jenkins. “I tell everyone that I don’t think the antichrist will come out of politics, especially American politics.”

“I can see by the language he uses why people think he could be the antichrist,” adds LaHaye, “but from my reading of scripture, he doesn’t meet the criteria. There is no indication in the Bible that the antichrist will be an American.

So there! As long as Barack Obama keeps claiming his south side roots and the red-state dimwits consistently dredge up the Osamaer, Obama phonetic challenges this statement will be posted every six weeks until the Apocalypseer, election. Kumbaya, my Lord!

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Like clockwork, Jesus decided all those churches and bibles in the world weren’t enough to remind people that he’s alive.

So, without a press release or a trumpet sound, he returned… this time we find the King of Kings making the “Ring of Rings” in some chic’s sink in Youngstown, Ohio.

Hey, at least he doesn’t feel the need to always visit the big media markets. They get all the good news.

I just hope that’s one of those faux marble sinks found in the starter homes because of that’s ash and dirt, we all need to hold hands and pray for a sister to get a maid service or something.

What’s great about Jesus making these special guest appearances is it brings the ne’er-do-well opportunist out of everyone. Get this:

After having the sink for over six years, this Struthers homeowner says the timing of her discovery was ironic. “My daughter is a senior this year and I haven’t saved any money for college and we were going to move and buy this bigger home. I was kinda stressed out about it and I was thinking how am I going to do it all? That’s when I saw it so maybe I was meant to see it then.”

Meant to be? Right? So, that’s why the gods created eBay?! Must be because that’s where homegirl’s wash basin is headed. And it can be yours – blessing and all – for only $50,000. Yeah, I’m sure that’s what Jesus intended by unclogging your drain. Hallelujah!