I once heard a preacher say, “The ministry would be perfect work if it weren’t for people.”
Well, they can be a tad annoying at times (just watch any Red Carpet event, a PETA pep rally or those people that bring whiny toddlers to an R-rated drama… er, a PG-13 comedy). Suffice to say, their antics can cause a few gray hairs to sprout on your follicle chia-pet. Few pastors know that more than this guy:
Meet Pastor Albert Finley.
You see, before he retired last month, he was a senior pastor for five decades! That’s a lot of babay kids, jacked-up folk, building fund campaigns and Christmas pageants. Oy! You can imagine the stress he has endured for the Gospel, the pain he has seen and the hair he has lost.
So upon his retirement, I would presume an article in the local paper would show up about his faithful service to the community, his undying allegiance to his church and his constant diligence for his people. You know, a big “We love ya’ Pastor” advertisement or something. Right? Not so much.
No, what makes the paper was his celebratory drink. Dude remembered all that stress, headed straight to where nobody knows his name and had a beer! What the…
“What a marvelous drink,” he says. “It tastes much better than it smells.”
He waited 50 long, tedious years for his big retirement bash and THAT is what makes the news?! His first brew. Nice. Way to honor the public servants, Maine. But hey, it’s the Church, what else would HiScrivener expect?
Hey, while you’re at it pastor, why not visit a kegger at the local frat house and show these punk kids that Gramps can still get down. After all, you’re building up a tolerance:
“My dad always told me you could get drunk off of one sip, and I preached that for decades,” he says. “I thought that’s why people on beer commercials were having such fun. But that’s completely untrue. I’ve had one, even two beers with no effect.”
What a legacy… you have absolutely throttled because you just had to see what all the hype was about and get your suds on. Stay classy, pastor. You’re gonna’ need it after the hangover.