When Jesus returns, it’ll be a dog-eat-dog world

Posted: August 10, 2008 in Good for a Giggle, Keep it real, Networking
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

It goes without saying. I mean, who hasn’t heard about “Left Behind” by now?

But in the event you are in a cave, under a rock or just not that interested in eschatology and the whole “You need Jesus in your life to set to free you from sin lest you go to hell and perish” thing, forget church and preachers armed with fire and brimstone. Ignore them. Why worry when you have something more practical?

Just visit here on CraigsList.

Huh? Oh sure! You see, according to this person who apparently has no vacation plans during the tribulation, pets will be left to fetch for themselves. The question raised here is why should they when the blind can lead… the colorblind. (WOW! Somebody stop me!)

I am here to offer you pet care service for after the rapture. As an atheist, I will surely still be here on this earth post rapture and would love to look after your pets for a small fee and make sure they are still well taken care of after you and your family have been raptured. You will be able to look down on them from heaven and see them being well cared for by me and living happy, healthy lives.

MEMO to all Christian PETA lovers: Puh-lease tie your heartstrings in double knots before you think about PayPaling this poor schlep. A few errors with this posting in CraigsList:

  1. “As an atheist” my blessed @$$urance! If this person was truly an “a-theist”, the concept of a rapture wouldn’t even cross (pun intended) his or her mind. This person is worm bait, pushing up daises, 86’d and could care less about you, Jesus AND Fluffy!
  2. Speaking of Fluffy, will you even see him again? Listen, I can lay out an entire, comprehensive doxology about the triune makeup of man and how pets are 2/3 of that equation, but let’s admit it, animals serve man… man serves God. There’s your circle of life, pet lovers.
  3. If you want answers and HiScrivener’s snarky commentary doesn’t suffice, then here’s to ya’: In Genesis 9, God’s covenant (an ETERNAL promise) was with Noah AND the animals he tended. (Did I mention ETERNAL?). If that’s not enough, note Isaiah 11 where the Spirit of the Lord notes man and animal living in harmony. Yes, street fans. This is a biblical allegory of “Chillin’ with your PEEPS”. (Thanks, I am here all week and twice on Sundays).

In short, Matthew 5:5 tells us we shall inherit the earth. And for all you premillennialists on the Wall, that ‘earth’ in question will be the “New Jerusalem,” which will be right here on earth. And why wouldn’t animals stay on this planet and keep this messed-up mountebank couped up back at his crib tending to his own parakeet?

Who knows except that posting in CraigsList should be printed and used in another way for this dude’s birdcage. Hakuna Matata that.

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