Archive for August 9, 2008

A long, long time ago, a snake-oil salesman from Texas began a trend that would take this nation by storm.

No, not the harrowing circle of preachers that would fleece the sheep to litter their own closets with Kashmir sweaters. That’s goes without saying.

No, I mean the lovely, side-splitting “Farting Preacher” craze all over YouTube.

Well, they were until Robert Tilton’s legal beagles stuck their mutt nose in the middle of it. But thanks to some dude with waaaay too much time on his hands, he’s baaaaaaaaaack! Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy and may your olfactory system be filled with the sweet smell of success.

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more about “Cross Eyed: IBS Televangelist Style“, posted with vodpod

Now THAT'S a big... ah, you get the point.

Now THAT'S a big... ah, you get the point.

No kidding! Apologies to the parents out there.

Typically, HiScrivener’s humor strays from the salty stuff, but if I didn’t say it, it would be copyright infringement… and with gas prices these days, I can’t afford the legal fees.

You understand.

But seriously folks. I’m just not this smart to conjure up a company that sells to churches called, “Big @$$ Fans.”

Evidently, the exercise is helping and the glutes (and the word) is spreading, because they were recently featured on FOX Business.

[President Carey Smith said in the aforementioned clip]: “We used to be known as HLVS Fans [High Volume Low Speed Fans]. …And it didn’t long – and in retrospect you can imagine why with a fan 24′ (Yeah, that’s 24 FEET) in diameter – it’s easy to see why people would call this a big @$$ fan.”

Look at the Prez here rockin’ with the adage, “The customer is always right!” Evidently, the proprietors of (insert your local) commercial space would call asking for measurements. They would be told how the fan blades when oscillating at a proper velocity could eclipse the sun – and as marketing destiny would have it – they would exclaim, “My, that’s a big ass fan.” And it stuck. Long live the customer.

Now for Wall Watchers, apparently the move didn’t scare away the Church – Our Lady of Refuge Church in Brooklyn, NY to be exact. According to the press release on the fan’s Web site:

With no central air, temperatures during Sunday service often reach in the 90s during the summer. Restoration of the stained glass has worsened the issue due to the windows being boarded up during the construction. This sent members fleeing to other services to escape the heat.

So – and I don’t know how – the 300 members of the church circa 1912 raised enough money and agreed to purchase a true Big Ass Fan (no ‘TM’ symbol available… sorry). Nice.

We serve a God of abundance, right? Eh-hem… “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us” (Ephesians 3:20).

Believe me when you are preaching about the wiles of the enemy and the geothermal scathing effect of hell, a piece of paper with Dr. King’s face just won’t do the trick for a refresher. Kudos to Our Lady of Refuge for getting beyond a name and looking to a result – comfort. Good on ya’, saints.

MEMO to Megachurch Pastors out there: Revival services get stuffy with the quickness. Consider a 24-foot fan and repent about the description later. Ah, the wonder of word-of-mouth. God bless the Big Ass Fan indeed. Genius!

(Oh and MEMO to the former HWLS folk: If this creates a deluge of ecumenical phone calls, work on that 501c3 discount.)