Victoria’s Secret: “She didn’t do it. Pastor’s honor.”

Posted: August 8, 2008 in Above the Fold, Denominational Fun, Follow up, Good for a Giggle, On Your Wall, Snap, Crackle and POP Culture, Spin Doctor
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

We think that's where Missus Osteen was seated

We think that's where Missus Osteen was seated

Today’s episode in “How the Stomach Turns” involves the Stepford wife, Victoria Osteen directly.

The tale of air woe takes to complete reiteration of why we are here (Vicky cracking open a can of sanctified whoop @$$ on a flight attendant) and how bad it allegedly became (Vicky getting the red @$$ because she wasn’t given the red carpet).

After two flight attendants take the stand in civil court claiming abuse, “air rage” and the obvious race card, things got a little personal and very interesting as Ward Cleaver himself, Joel Osteen took the stand today and an oath (on that Bible thingy he seems to skirt around weekly).

The festivities kicked off with a cheese log amount of spin control from the diva in question:

The wife of megachurch evangelist Joel Osteen told jurors Friday she was “dumbfounded” and “shook up” after a Continental Airlines flight attendant accused her of assaulting her over a spill on a first-class seat. “I love people. I’m guilty of that,” Victoria Osteen said.

Oh my. I’m sorry I seem to have something in my eye… sniff sniff. No, not tears just the stench of that poo just flung against the wall. Whew! You know, forget the law suit and let’s gather ’round and sing a chorus of “We are the World.” No? OK, carry on.

According to the Houston Chronicle, Joel Osteen remained “calm on the stand.” Color me astounded at that news flash. If the guy raised his temperature one degree, I think I would have had to race to my television set for the Weather Channel to check if indeed hell had frozen over.

It didn’t because I’m sure the dippity do scurried down his brow during this lovely exchange:

Joel Osteen testified earlier Friday, supporting his wife’s claim and calling the incident “an unfortunate misunderstanding.” Osteen, who was on the same flight, said his wife could never attack somebody. “We would never disrespect authority or disrespect the flight attendant,” Joel Osteen said.

MEMO to the Milquetoast Ministers: You disrespected “authority and the flight attendant” the MOMENT one of you expected and demanded the hired help to wipe a quarter-sized spillage (never mind she has an entire plane to attend) and the other of you just sat there with the knowing nod of highfalutence and elitism. And uh, Vicky, if you are guilty of anything, it’s that.

The Federal Aviation Administration fined Victoria Osteen $3,000 for interfering with a crew member. The Osteens said they did not want to pay the fine but thought it would be the best way to put the incident behind them even though they felt they did nothing wrong.

THIS is why people claim leading a megachurch simply stretches the underwear elastic out of the caste system boxers. No matter how much mess you try to stuff in your boxers, you just too fat for your own britches. Come down to earth shepherds. The fat of your ego is hanging over your belt, and it ain’t pretty.

Joel and Victoria seem to be so absorbed in their own utopia full of pixie dust and Handel’s Messiah sounding whenever they walk in a room, that they believed paying this wouldn’t have the perception of GUILT! And who has three large to throw around like scraps to the family dog anyway? Not 95 percent of the people I know, just the five percent I watch on TV.

And now for the comic relief of the evening, as if watching the Platonic Pollyanna cry like it was a screen test wasn’t god enough for a giggle.

Brown wants an apology and punitive damages amounting to 10 percent of Victoria Osteen’s net worth as part of her lawsuit. Brown claims she suffers from depression and post-traumatic stress disorder because of the incident and that her faith has been affected. She is also suing for counseling expenses.

Seriously?! Post-traumatic stress?! Those who survived Katrina and 9-11 have PTSD. Soldiers defending our country against the wiles of terror have PTSD. Definitely not polyester-clad stewardesses whose contribution to society is, “Peanuts?”

Her faith has been affected because when the shoe dropped, it made a loud thud. Nice witnessing, Vicky. Stay classy. The “counseling” in question is from her ATTORNEY whose advice has almost led her to the pecuniary Promise Land. Overall, the entire suit is nuts indeed.

Um, can I get a coke with this?

  1. peggy says:

    she wouldn’t have sued me if I had thrown her off the plane. why? because I have no money. Victoria & Joel are the humblest people I know.

    • hiscrivener says:

      Peggy, I suppose a great question to ask is, “How well do you know them?” Is it like, “That’s my pastor and I watch him on TV a lot too” or more accurately, “I have Tupperware parties at my house and they typically cook a mean Chicken Tetrazzini for all my guests.” I know the prayer of many Christians is the latter, because the Church is getting sorely tired of hearing stories of televangelists and notable pastors who are closet primadonnas. I know I am.

      Thanks for posting. Peace.


  2. mom simmons says:

    Larry are you married? I am looking for a man like you!!!!smile!!!

    Christians aren’t perfect no one is perfect nor will they be till God the father, Jesus the son, and the Holy Ghost return. i AM TIRED OF America turning her back on us just because we are Christians…if VICTORIA had been a black lesbian and the flight attendent was a Christian the law suit would have gone the other way…where are our values as a society and as human beings??????

    • hiscrivener says:


      There is no question you are right about. It’s feng shui to persecute Christians. We are the little trinkets on the keychains of the pretentious, political and pathetic. Ah well, at least we have Jesus. We can only pray what we have will get on them, since they obviously don’t want to hear come out of our mouths. And why? Because if we open our mouths, the stereotype is that we will sound like this chic on a plane. Pity.


  3. Larry says:

    You know what? Even successful and kind people have bad days. We make excuses for murders and rapists, but if a Christian has a bad moment, she’s a bitch and people lose faith in God? Bullshit. That attendant deserves nothing – her job is to make the customer happy. If my customer service personnel responded to all the bitching our clients do with a lawsuit, we wouldn’t be in business. I would think that her employer would tell her to shut up or find another job because if I have a choice between airlines, I’ll find another one to cram my average size but into a pint-sized seat.

    At worst, Victoria made an ass of herself. Happens to everyone. I’m just sick of the bottom-feeders who are too lazy to succeed on their own and choose instead to rob others. Sounds like Congress, doesn’t it?

  4. Winston on Truth says:

    Isn’t it a bit deceptive and self-glorifying when Victoria publishes a book for children with a message about “kindness” but she doesn’t LIVE what she writes about? Doesn’t the Bible WARN us about these kind of hypocrites? I do know Jesus addressed the Pharasees and Sadducees with this criticism. Hmmm, Victoria and Joel, if you are going to “talk the talk” then please “walk the walk” … or do no not comprehend the Bible at all?

  5. hiscrivener says:

    Oh hey, it’s that Eastern Euro chic, “Ms. Anony Mous”. Glad you’re back.

    Listen, a few things if you ever come back to this post:

    1. It’s called satire. Not every Christian writes and talks in a perfectly crafted homiletical phraseology to convey a point. Sorry about that (some of that was serious… I do have a dry, well almost Saharaic, sense of humor).

    2. You would be AWFULLY SURPRISED WHO OR WHAT I know in Christian circles. Read around the Wall, I have made that salient point abundantly clear.

    3. You’re new here, so I’ll cut you that slack. From the heart, “Ms. Mous” if I hate anything, it’s the hypocrisy of those who call themselves Christians in public and act like heathens in private. Ever worked for a church? I mean on staff higher up the food chain. No? Well, let me tell you, it’s either miraculous to be a part of or atrociously horrifying how mean and ruthless the “public folk” can really be. That is the reason many people no longer want anything to do with religion. They adore God, worship Jesus but do it at an arm’s length from any church. THAT… that I hate because of the unwarranted pain it causes so many believers.

    4. I calls it likes I sees it. What happened to Victoria Osteen was shameful and that Sharon Brown should have to sit on tacks or something for she put her through. However, what incident was there that made her think she could possibly get away with SUING THE OSTEENS? Oh yeah, she was probably very condescending and expected her to swipe up that water. Should she have just done it and kept her mouth shut? You bet. Was Vicky slightly rude to her because she was in first class and Sharon Brown just worked there? Again, you bet.

    5. MOST IMPT: Read 1 Corinthians 2:15 and get back to me. I am not judging HER… just what I read what she did. That, dear, is biblical. And that is all I strive to be.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Well, I read some more on your site, and I guess, you are a Christian… or at least, claim to be. To be fully honest with you, I would not have thought so by your comments about the Osteens. You know, it’s one thing to not like someone, or to view them as false teachers, or whatever…. but it’s quite another to make completely rude, sarcastic, arrogant comments about them. I don’t read anywhere in the Bible where it’s okay to do that. You may not like Joel because he is wealthy and happy… but I don’t think his “sins” (whatever you find him to be doing that is “sinful” and deserving of your judgement) are any worse than your lack of love and your arrogance in your posts about Victoria. Don’t call yourself a Christian when you miss the whole point… love God and love others. There is NO love whatsoever in your blog about the Osteens, and yet you condemn them… there is no humility in your posts about the Osteens… and yet you judge them. You need to be getting that plank out of your own eye first.

    And also, there is NOTHING wrong with asking a stewardess to clean a spill. Please!! I’ll bet anything you would’ve done the same thing. Any normal person would. Victoria isn’t the one who cleans and cares for the interior of the plane. The stewardess do. And just because she asked for it to be cleaned, doesn’t mean she was looking down her nose at the stewardess. The stewardess had a job on that plane and she didn’t do it and resented Victoria for asking her to. And then, unbelievably, Victoria gets sued over it!!

    I think you should examine your own heart and motives before posting your judgemental comments towards other people.

  7. Anonymous says:

    For someone who supposedly is a Christian, you are very rude and judgemental. Actually, I don’t know if you are or not. From what I read here, I am thinking you are one of those anti-Christian people who loves to bash “hypocritical” Christians. But I read another post of yours about Greg Laurie that made me think maybe this person is a Christian? But if that’s the case, how can you possible write something so rude and condesending about another person… especially something you’ve posted on a public blog?

    Maybe you don’t agree with the Osteens and it’s very obvious that you don’t like them, but your rude comments only reflect you, not them. I don’t agree with all of the Osteen’s teachings, but I certainly am not going to make the type of rude, sarcastic comments you’ve made that simply are mocking them. You feel that they are egotistical and it’s obvious that you feel they are worthy of disrespect and mockery, but how is your judgemental rudeness any better than their “egotism”???

    I actually learned alot about them through this trial and I have come to admire them. I was impressed with how Joel spoke of faith and offered encouragement today when Victoria was found to be INNOCENT.

    Were you on that plane?! Did you see what happened!? NO! So how can you even know that Victoria was haughty or did anything wrong. The only reason you think so is because of a stewardess who said so. It’s been pretty obvious that the stewardess greatly exaggerated things.

    You sound like one of those people who delight in the “failure” of Chrsitians that you either hate and/or envy. In this blog, you are pretty much delighting in your ability to put them down with sarcastic comments. That is pretty much arrogance. I find your arrogance and rudeness and judgemental comments to be far more “guilty” than Victoria asking for a spill to be cleaned. You stand there and look down your nose at her but how are you “innocent” enough to be able to judge her?

  8. Scott says:

    lol, i hope she gets 10%. i mean its dirty money in the pockets of the mega preachers pockets anyway, how weird that they would be shocked at someone trying to get easy money, what’s good for the goose, lol she just wants her tithe. i wonder just how much 10% of her bank acount is anyway, after all selling jesus is a good paying job. i guess there is no honor among thiefs

  9. lr says:

    Sounds to me like some flight attendant is looking for a way to retire and blowing the whole thing out of proportion. If she needed counseling for that, she was probably pretty unstable to begin with and has no business dealing with people.

  10. Kyence says:

    This entire lawsuit is stupid no matter what side you look at it from. My guess is that the lawsuit will be settled out for 20-50K to shut the flight attendant up. At least we can say the attendant isn’t elitist, since she’s willing to toss any iota of dignity she may have had out the door to get some measly cash out of this couple; nothing screams “I’m desperate!” like claiming PTSD and the race card of all things because a haughty blond woman has no idea how to clean a spill. And I doubt the wifey-poo would be able to do the kung fu the attendants are saying she did. All despicable, irritating creatures here: the greasy lawyers and lame spin talk just further lubricate the clown wheels of idiocy here.

    As a woman, these two broads offend me; can God smite them, please? Or send them a STFU in their Alphabet Soup?

    It’s moments like this that make me realize why terrorists hate us, LOL!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s