Archive for August 1, 2008

I frequent a few good newspaper religion blogs, chiefly among them is the hallowed Dallas Morning News.

It turns out that in Josh Hamilton’s spare time for crushing the baseball out of the park, he preaches on the side, as seen in this story.

Josh will be sharing his testimony at Mansfield’s (suburb of Arlington, Texas) Creekwood Church this Sunday.

Hope this is the beginning of many more ecumenical appearances because if that guy can share his life’s story as well as he can play ball, the Church has new evangelist on its horizon. Send any and all stories back to the Wall. Holler if you hear me.

God bless this five-tool player!

At least according to this plumb-donning, silk-wearing, gold grill-having and ultra blinging dude from Tucson.

Don’t believe me?

Meet John A. LaVoie.

This self-professed (and self-employed) pimp from Tucson, Ariz. He has to pay $2 MILLION in fines because of a little prostitution ring he had earning some “ill-gotten gains” (Um, nice editorial there).

So, why is this being posted on the Wall? Because this jheri-curl coifed nitwit says it was – wait for it – PART OF HIS CHURCH.

LaVoie claimed he was a minister of the Church of Liberty, a church he founded. He ran a massage and prostitution business in his building called Angel’s Heaven. LaVoie claimed Angel’s Heaven was part of his church, and clients only gave donations.

Now, that’s rich. They only gave “donations”. Really, Captain Obvious? And I suppose the IRS just takes out a love offering from my check. What about the cops that arrested you, Slick Willie? Were they just “laying hands” on you as you were put in the pokey?

At any rate, when your “miniskry” closes Pimp Daddy Nash, keep in mind one thing –
you may call the street corners and back alleys you troll a “mission field”, but alas, it really is that hard out there for a pimp. Enjoy unemployment, brother. Man, pimpin’ ain’t easy.

Picture it: 1985.

Steve Perry is howling on the radio. Crusing and roller skating are the weekend respites of choice. Parachute pants and Z-Cavariccis are the rage. And there are more feathers in hairstyles than a coifed bird at the zoo.

That’s also the year Beta Upsilon Chi was created on the city-state campus of the mighty University of Texas. So what, right? Well, this is a CHRISTIAN-ONLY fraternity. That’s right, ACLU aficionados, they actually reserve the right to tell someone “NO” based on his faith.

Things have been swell for the nubile frat house – no keggers (at least none that we know of), no late night bail outs from the pokey and most importantly, no law suits.

…Until they showed up at the University of Florida.

The university thought denying the fraternity charter status on campus would be a good idea and go unchallenged. Eh, not so fast.

Beta Upsilon Chi sued UF, leading an appeals court this week to require the university to recognize the fraternity as the case was being decided.

Get that, Wall Watchers, “as the case was being decided.” They’re not out of the woodshed yet, but it looks good except for this rub:

University officials say there’s a major distinction between Beta Upsilon Chi, or BYX, and other religious groups on campus. BYX requires members to be Christians, while other student groups are open to non-believers.

MEMO to the big-heads on campus at UF: Those other “student groups” are largely known as CHURCHES! Yes, a church wouldn’t ask for a “Salvation Card” at the door, and without proper I.D., send someone to the closest school of freethought. If non-Christians didn’t have a home in churches and bible study groups then most non-Christians wouldn’t become Christians in the first place?! Right?

Now before you throw down the cockamamie argument, “Well, what about fraternities like Alpha Phi Alpha?” Wrong. So wrong. If you are white, and have a hankering to join the “HOUSE OF THE SEVEN JEWELS – TOO COLD, TOO COLD,” then get you some. That door is open, although you may be slightly uncomfortable, it’s open to you. (Was my allegiance too obvious there?) And if you know a brother that wants to join Pi Kappa Alpha, cool. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind either.

But when you have a “faith-base,” you can’t begin making Goober Grape. Your peanut butter and jelly have to be separate. And what harm are they causing you anyway? If you don’t want to join, then don’t. It’s like the Boy Scouts. The only people incessantly complaining that it’s unconstitutional are the people (or parents of people) that don’t want to join in the first place. Kapesch?

Keep strong “BUX crew”. The ACLU are coming for you.

DATELINE: Anderson, South Carolina (Isn’t that all about all the disclaimer you need for this story :)).

Meet Cory Burnell.

This is a man who apparently loves the Lord, but has aspirations that can be traced back to the Lone Star State, circa 1836. You see, well… I’ll just let him say it:

The leader of Christian Exodus says the group still hopes to create a Christian government in South Carolina, despite the decision by its founder to step down. Keith Humphrey told the Anderson Independent-Mail the focus of the group is still to create an independent Christian nation.

If I were a betting man, I would garnish my wages for a full year that this cat hopes to create the JesuStates with his own arsenal and the White-throne-of-Judgment House would be located somewhere near a nice tin foil roofed bunker he calls “The New Jerusalem.”

Any takers?

Well, don’t fret Wall Watchers in the Carolinas. It turns out this self-proclaimed leader of secession has bigger fish to fry – the rent.

Burnell had planned to move to Anderson, but he says a job offer with a Seneca company was withdrawn. He says the pressures of self-employment and family have kept him from being an effective leader.

That’s refreshing during this tumultuous political season – a man running for his office that has his priorities in order. Amway, all the way! You go boy!