Preacher arrested for silencing a lamb

Posted: July 31, 2008 in Above the Fold, Keep it real, On Your Wall
Tags: , , , , , ,

Meet Anthony Hopkins.

No, not this one seen in the most noted mug shot of Hollywood history. This one is the real life version from Mobile, Ala. who is doleful excuse of a man, horrific example of a preacher and just a basic waste of space.

Here’s his story:

A small-time evangelist was arrested during a church service Monday after police found a body in his freezer believed to be his wife, a mother of eight.

What?! Initially, let me applaud FOX News for the slight, a “small time evangelist” is indeed fitting. And now for what he did while cloaked as one of the sheep.

He was a male person who donated sperm to eight children ranging in ages 3 to 19 (because calling him a “father” is too much of a complement). Eight!

He was called “Rev.” because he was usually storing his familyer, the people that lived with him into his minivan. Then a relative who reported years of sexual abuse sparked an investigation that led the cops to a church he was preaching about – wait for it – FORGIVENESS! And then BOOM goes the dynamite!

“They run in, and they had their guns out,” pastor Beverly Jackson told MyFOXGulfCoast.com. “I didn’t know what was going on. I though it was the alarm system had gone off.”

Dolts like this temerarious schlemiel commit heinous crimes daily. Whether it’s selling enough sniff to a group of middle-school kids to alert the border patrol or your garden variety menace serial killer, just be out in the open about it and wait for the “Law & Order” to stomp a mudhole in you and walk it dry.

Why hide? Oh yeah, because they are born to be cowards.

It’s like that scene in “New Jack City” where Nino Brown holds up a little girl to deflect gunfire. That’s what Mr. Hopkins did here, only he hid behind a cleric outfit and a make-believe calling. During the day, he proselytizing about Jesus, but at night he’s plotting for Satan.

There is a parable about a tree and its fruit that I’m certain Brother “Going to Hell” missed out on, so I’d like to abbreviate before he gets rolled up in prison and will be treated to the extent of the Golden Rule he gave his wife and kids.

Simply put when comparing preachers to trees, Jesus said, “By their fruit you will recognize them.” Wall watchers and those of you just browsing, when someone says, “I love Jesus,” do one thing – wait awhile. When you hang around that person looking for fresh strawberries, and nothing but prickly durian comes out of those seeds, you’ll know.

The scent makes your eyes water, your tongue swells up the size of a bologna stick when you taste what they are driveling and being around them hurts like… well, hell.

If my stomach turns reading this story, I can’t imagine what God must think. Pray for those kids, Wall Watchers. Aside from losing their mother, which is utterly tragic enough, now they have to deal with someone that said they loved Jesus did this. Yeah, there’s a special place in Hades for you, dude. Hope you’re a smoker. If not, you will be.

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