Archive for July 30, 2008

Hillsong Church is in the news.

You know, “Here I am to Worship” and “Shout to the Lord”? Yeah, that Hillsong Church. However, this story is not about some new CD Darlene Zschech has released.

This one is about the church as a whole, and according to this interesting story from the Sydney Morning Herald, they are creating the – wait for it all Mary Kay sales representatives – “Beauty Gospel”.

The program is called “Shine” and it’s described as “practical, life-equipping, values-based course” that evidently has spawned many little impressionable girlser, young women whose lives have been improved by learning about “being a good friend” and “learning about myself”.

What began in its Bible classes has now been implemented in at least 20 public schools throughout Australia.

But serious concerns have been raised by teachers, adolescent developmental experts and parents groups. They say the program is inappropriate for troubled young women, that the under-qualified facilitators are reinforcing gender stereotypes. and that some parents have not been properly informed.

So by teaching girls how to put on make up, have awesome manicures and dress five years past their age is good for self-esteem? Not in my house, mate. At least not for me personally. If my lil’ Wall Watcher decided she wanted to “get her shine on” by learning how to woman up before she’s you know… 40… I would pass out. But call me old fashioned.

The catch with this program (and don’t you know this would be torched in the states) is the schools PAY HILLSONG TO TEACH IT. Take that, America. That’ll get the Bible back in schools… or will it?!

“Over the last two or three years teachers have been coming to us with concerns about Shine,” said the president of the Hills Teachers Association, Sui-Linn White. “It is the gender stereotypes that they are imposing. The focus on skin care, nail care, hair care – it objectifies women … These are things women fought against for centuries – they’ve got no place in a public school.”

Great. Out of all the teachers in Australia, the SMH finds the one that embraces the “I just got out of bed” look along with the olfactory teasing “Toothpaste is for girlie girls” scent. Nice! It seems Hillsong Church is content on teaching these tips to girls in hopes of boosting morale, age requirements and a hypersensitive legion of parents. And maybe also creating a small sect of Stepford Kids.

Man, kinda gives an entirely new definition to the great worship song, “People Just Like Us”. Hmmm.

Consider this one a bonus round, because it’s well worth it.

This month, we have already had some who obviously needs prayer for glaucoma who saw Jesus in the bark of a palm tree. However, I couldn’t hold on to this one until August because it’s that ridiculous.

Saints, get ready and bow at the altar of the hallowed [GULP] “Cheesus”. See his cute lil’ Glamour Shot there?

Kelly Ramey, [a High Ridge, Missouri woman], says, “I think I found Jesus on a Cheeto as funny as that sounds.”

OH NO! What in the world of all things sacred – and edible – makes you say that?! Why would finding the Son of God replicated on a nasty puffed chip make you think that’s a tad strange?

Sounds normal to me. About as typical as God giving you the answer to life’s questions not in the Bible, but in a nice bowl of Alpha Bits!

But what’s worse is this fool gets national headlines! Are the media so hungry for a real experience with God that they would rather give three minutes to the “Cheese of Cheeses” than you know, get their tails in a church and learn about Jesus personally?

So, you ready for Spin Control?

The pastor of Kirkwood United Methodist Church does not see anything theologically special about the Cheeto, but thinks some good could come from it. Pastor David Bennett says, “If people can find Jesus, somehow, in each of us like she’s found in this object, that would be a wonderful thing.”

COUGH! Sorry, that was a little throw up in my mouth. Hey, Rev. You really think this chip will cause her to think, “Thank you God. I was looking for a sign that you were alive, and I found it in my kids sack lunch.” If so, well, I’ll laugh out loud, roll on the floor and repent. However, let’s get real… it’s a CHIP!

What’s next? Tasting the spirit of God in some Salt & Vinegar Lays? Reliving Moses turning his staff into a snake by commanding some beef jerky into that dude in the Slim Jim commercials? Is there an end to this madness?

However, I do have one question. This goes out to the Catholics in Florida who think this kid deserved lethal injection, “Um, would this count as transubstantiation?” IJS!