Archive for July 24, 2008

Well, Latter-day Saints call out the Spin Doctors, he’s baaaaaaaack. (Oh wait, you have already done been down that primrose path).

Good thing, because you kids got some work to do.

America’s most hated baby daddy Warren Jeffs, former polygamist sect leader of the infamous FLDS, is already in jail for statutory rape in Utah and awaiting charges in Arizona. Now, his portfolio increases as the home state to his hi-jinks has decided to ring up some claims on him as well.

A grand jury in this tiny western Texas ranching community indicted Jeffs and four of his followers Tuesday on charges of felony sexual assault of a child. Another was indicted for failing to report child abuse. The charges came nearly two months after the Texas Supreme Court ruled that child welfare officials overstepped when they took all the children from the polygamist sect’s ranch in a separate child custody case. The state had accused the sect of forcing underage girls into marriage and motherhood.

And despite the numerous charges and noted stories about the FLDS looney bin and its YFZ Ranch, its delusional spokesperson is still towing the company line (and smoking some wicked hash):

“We’re actually quite shocked. As soon as we know who they’re looking for, we’ll try to face it,” Willie Jessop, a church member and spokesman, told The Associated Press in an interview Tuesday. “We believe in our innocence.”

You know that adage, “You can’t lead a horse to water”? Well, this is one horse that is in need of an entire lake being dropped on him because he ain’t budging, and for the sake of those kids, mothers and the whole LDS church, dude needs to be moved with the quickness.

Get it? John Freshwater? Bible? TIME is running out?! Ah well.

He still has his Bible, his determination and um, his job?! And now Wall Watchers, John Freshwater – noted teacher, middle school proselytizer and alleged cross brander – has found a way to fight his fight the 21st century way.

Take a moment to visit, “The Bible on the Desk.” That’s right. Freshwater has a Web site. A cyber home to direct all media members hailing on the bustling metropolis of Mt. Vernon, Ohio and waiting for THE DAY (August 26).

Included in this fun-filled WWW domicile are press releases, media queries and I think, the grounds for a straight-to-DVD release from TBN studios, “Meet the Freshwaters.”


I think the capper is the gratuitous greeting:

On Friday, June 20, 2008, the Mount Vernon School Board passed a resolution of intent to consider the termination of the teaching contract of the 2006-2007 Teacher of the Year, John Freshwater. This is the only official source of information from John Freshwater and his team of legal and spiritual advisors. No other person or group has the authority to speak for or on the behalf of Mr. Freshwater.

The emboldened and italicized text is done by his Webmaster, not mine. You think someone in Ohio is a little terse over the hubbub created by his name, his actions and a certain geographical destination known as the BLOGOSPHERE.

Alas, keep your rod-iron hot, Wall Watchers, and brand the story as you will in your own news sources. This fresh story is far from being put out to pasture (as in cattle). There are more puns to be made at his behest, but I’ll wait for August 26.

Good times.

Prayer may have been taken out of schools, but the foundation of prayer is being put back into it throughout the Lone Star State.

That’s right education fans, “Bible” is now an elective in Texas High Schools.

The Legislature passed a law in 2007 allowing Bible courses to be offered as an elective. They are supposed to focus on the history and literature of the Bible without preaching or disparaging any faith.

(Yeah, it takes THAT long to get things moving in Texas). These vague standards places the onus on each individual school district to translate this law and choose to teach Bible in their own classrooms, you know, without talking about Jesus.

You see, the legislative board did what most of their colleagues do at the state (or federal) level – they didn’t really create GUIDELINES. For a government that exists on the presumed stupidity of its constituents, that’s a whole lot of endowed trust.

“This is what happens when our elected officials put politics and personal agendas ahead of the interests of our school children and their families,” said Ryan Valentine, deputy director Texas Freedom Network, which monitors the influence of religion in public policy.

Yeah. So back to reality. Appreciating the inevitable, and in an effort to be an equal opportunity poster on the Wall, here is why the dreaded ACLU will come skipping down the Yellow Rose of Texas Brick Road (grins abound) all the way to Austin:

  • Courses will promote Christian beliefs over other religions. Never mind this is a BIBLE elective, the ACLU expect Mohammad, Vishnu and whatever cow Hindus embrace to have helped to write this sacred book.
  • That said, conversion of Christianity – otherwise known as salvation – will be discussed. Once that conversion… er, conversation begins, the grounds to shut it down will being as fast as the classes did.
  • Through the teaching of the history of the Bible will lead to the faith of the Bible, which means the ACLU will argue these classes denigrate Judaism. I know, I know… not true, but those dimwits can force themselves to believe anything.

Now, here’s an argument you will not hear during those federal legal proceedings:

  • The history of the Bible is a tapestry of experience woven throughout the signature events taught in History classrooms everywhere. You can’t discuss Greco-Roman empirical history without a plucky group of kids known as Christians. Isn’t that right Pilate, Nero, et al.?
  • Although the argument about this country being founded as a “Christian country,” this is indeed a nation constituted upon faith-based values. The Bible has been the connective tissue throughout the centuries.
  • The rationale for war has been rooted in Biblical verses. From the Crusades to the Civil War, man has screwed with the scriptures to fit their own needs and decided that all those who didn’t agree should perish. That’s at least six weeks of classes in high school, don’t you think?

So, in summary Jesus Freaks in Texas, don’t hold your breath.

All those that know a teacher in high school, raise your hand. Great, now I’m talking to you. Does that person fancy talking about the Bible WITHOUT talking about Jesus? No? And that’s why this feeble limp-wristed attempt at getting religion back in public school will fail.

I have faith abounding, but I doubt the argument Christians… er, superintendents can make on behalf his or her teachers to intellectually discuss the foundation of Scripture without the inspiration behind it.

Oh, and for the legal community of Wall Watchers? On behalf of the State of Texas and the nimrods [HiScrivener giggles over that obscure biblical reference] that run it, you’re welcome for that new bevy of Mercedes you can buy with these legal fees. Huzzah!