Archive for July 22, 2008

[NOTE AUG. 18: SEE HISCRIVENER’S TAKE ON THE FORUM POST-SHOW AT THIS LINK, RIGHT HERE, SO GO THERE… NOW… THIS POST IS ABOUT THE PRE-SHOW, BUT YOU’RE WELCOME TO READ THIS AS WELL. PEACE.]

If only for a moment, according to this story from the New York Times.

This is a story about the two presumptive candidates showing up at Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church, home to a ba-jillion members, for a staged ‘grip n’ grin’ and then each gets a separate one-hour softball Q&A.

You know, I read this and thought about a futuristic cheeseball movie of Jean Claude Van-Damme’s called “Timecop“.

Ever see this one? The moral of the flick is the same matter can’t occupy the same space. Evidently, they have seen this movie as well, because you can’t pay them to be in the same room together… until now.

And to think, all this time, all it took was a phone call:

“I just got to thinking, you know what? These guys have never been together on the same stage, it would be a neat way to cap the primary season before they both go to the conventions and things go dark for a couple of weeks,” he [Warren] said. “I’ve known both the guys for a long time, they’re both friends of mine, and I knew them before they ran for office, so I just called them up.”

Nice. Dobson couldn’t do it. National talk shows wouldn’t do it. And Rick Warren pulls out his ace to get the candidates off of theirs. But with an invitation like this, who could resist:

Promising to avoid “‘gotcha’ questions that typically produce heat instead of light,” Warren said he would focus on how the candidates’ make their leadership decisions rather than having them staking out their political positions, his press release states.

Even though the photo-op is staged and the questions will be that of a dating questionnaire, at least it’s something for the Church. MEMO to the sanctified soldiers looking for marching orders to the polls: Retreat! There’s no way you will get a clear, “THAT’S who God wants me to vote for” out of this one-off sit down. Both will have polished talking points that paints each as a choir-singin’, bible-totin’, God-lovin’ dude.

So how do you tell them apart? In the words of that scholarly public servant Joe Friday, “Just the FACTS, ma’am.” Do your research people. It’ll come to you.


Sun Myung Moon – founder of the Unification “Church” – was injured slightly when his Sikorsky S-92 helicopter crashed during an emergency landing and burst into flames in Gapyeong, about 37 miles northeast of the capital. Whoa!

The Moonies, who also own this and this media source, is known for their potpourri religion that is a mixture of Christian, Confucian and traditional Korean values, and Moon’s followers believe he came into the world to complete the work of Jesus Christ.

Yeah, uh… no, he didn’t. Let’s just get that straight now. I don’t see God really requiring a project manager for his work on earth once Jesus completed his W-4 on Golgotha.

In addition, Moon routinely uses seances to speak with his spirit guides, and Jesus really didn’t need that kind of hook up seeing how he owned the batphone. And don’t even get me started on their diabolical version of “blood cleansing“. Suffice to say, I’ll stick with the Holy Spirit detergent I got at Calvary.

And one other thing, Moon is 88. When an octogenarian goes down in a helicopter crash, is it a bit of a cover up to say he was only “slightly injured”? That’s like saying when your baby girl hits the magical age of two, she only gets “slightly cranky.” Or maybe that’s just me.

At least that’s what delusional “parishioners” will be saying in the Netherlands’ newest church, “The One and Universal Smokers Church of God.”

Yes, way! Check out the story here.

Like everywhere else it seems, smoking is being banned. But instead of going outside to bomb their car during a smoke break, these tools have decided to revolt against the public smoking ban by forming a church!

‘We stand firmly behind the church’s teachings and that is smoking,’ Cor Busch, owner of the former Lindeboom café in Alkmaar told the paper. ‘Smokers are being discriminated against… but a beer and a cigarette belong together.’

And, as if that wasn’t good enough for a one-way trip to hell, there’s this:

People who join the church get a membership card entitling them to smoke inside the building. Worshippers believe in the trinity of smoke, fire and ash and honour their god by smoking.

You realize this dimwitted excuse of a political statement will open the floodgates for impious advertising and the like. I mean, how do you market this eh, church? The Marlboro man with a halo and a pack of reds rolled up in his toga? Creating the 10 Commandments of ‘rolling your own,’ including “Thou Shalt Not Smoke Unfiltered Looseys”?

Or how about prayer time? Someone runs up to the altar looking for lung cancer, because you know, without it the follower of this church just doesn’t seem committed enough?! Amazing. You folk deserve each other, and the overwhelming stench that accompanies you AFTER you leave the room.