Archive for July 19, 2008

Barack Obama.

Say what you want about the man. He quotes more scriptures than a Pentecostal preacher during a revival meeting and puts on a facade that he thinks about God more than Mother Teresa’s devoutees in Calcutta.

Even though he has a trunk load full of issues with his faith, and a halfwit theologian can make swiss cheese out of some of his plans to include the Church, it’s working.

Christians love him. The media adores him. And he is several percentages points ahead of John McCain in the polls – namely when it comes to what evangelicals think. So, where are the flowers and chocolates addressed to the Church from McCain’s camp? According to this story from the AP, they dunno.

“George Bush has a very compelling personal story, a very compelling religious experience and in their hearts they believed he was a man who loved the same Lord they did,” said Zylstra [some dude quoted for this story]. “They might not agree with all his policies, but they trusted him that when the chips were down, he would do the right thing. McCain is not a man who incites the same passion.”

However, the honeymoon is over for Christians in this election. Many members of the Church want McCain to be the man because he supposedly supports more conservative and biblical-friendly views, but may not have a choice. Oh wait, they do have a choice – don’t choose at all:

In the ongoing AP-Yahoo News Poll, only 10 percent of white evangelical Christians say they are excited by this election, compared with 20 percent of Americans overall. A third of these evangelicals said they were interested in the election, but half said they were frustrated by it.

Frustration is not a great thing to have in your political camp, Johnny boy. You see, in this country of seemingly uneducated armchair pundits who believe more paraphernalia than the actual issues and voting records of candidates, frustration can be better defined as apathy. That is what keeps folk’s blessed @$$urance on the couch come Election Day.

MEMO to McCainiacs: Figure out how to get this cat to give a testimony without the help of a teleprompter. Otherwise the “Straight-talk Express” may have to shut up permanently. IJS.

In a continued effort to get anyone touting the title “REVEREND” to live like, you know, REVERENDs, we follow the ongoing trials of the agape-mouthed Jesse Jackson.

Last week, we posted on the Wall that Jesse has such an issue with Barack Obama’s pseudo faith-based plan that he would like to make the presidential candidate into a high-pitched Soprano with one fatal slice. After he gets apoplectic and begs for forgiveness, MORE GOLD comes out of that tape.

Evidently, the man who marched with Dr. King, has fought for civil rights everywhere and pleads for media exposure anytime a black person is in the news has done the unthinkable. He called ‘Black America’ the N-word. What’s wrong with this picture?

Oh wait, I know. You’re supposed to be a REVEREND! Talk about the pot calling the kettle… well, you get the picture. And for more pictures, here’s the video. Enjoy. I know he didn’t.

Vodpod videos no longer available.
more about “Jesse Jackson breaks out the N word“, posted with vodpod

Once and for all, here’s this age-old argument for kooks like this pastor in Middlesboro, Tenn. and those of you who believe he is the personification of all Christians.

Meet Gregory James Coots (not him pictured, but probably as attractive), pastor of the [big breath] Full Gospel Tabernacle Church in Jesus Name.

He is one of those infamous “snake handling pastors” who believe this verse in Luke 10:18-20 gives them theatrical license to be, well, completely brain dead.

In addition to adding a box of deadly venomous vipers to the usual Sunday festivities, Coots here gets put in the pokey because they are illegal in his home state. You think a law-abiding holy man would have looked into that one.

In a blessed twist of fate, Coots becomes part of a Kentucky sting operation by wildlife officers on the popular snake trade in them thar parts of the country. Get this:

Most were taken from the Middlesboro home of Gregory James Coots, including 42 copperheads, 11 timber rattlesnakes, three cottonmouth water moccasins, a western diamondback rattlesnake, two cobras and a puff adder.

It’s a good thing he thinks he knows Jesus, because with those kind of house pets, he’s going to get to meet the Son of God REAL SOON. Now I love this part of the story:

The snakes, plus one alligator, were turned over to the nonprofit Kentucky Reptile Zoo in Slade. Most appeared to have been captured from the wild, with some imported from Asia and Africa.

The brood of vipers we will get to in just a minute, but where in 66 books of the Holy Bible do you see anything about a friggin’ alligator, Rev?! Now, on to the star attraction of this post…

And he said unto them, I beheld Satan as lightning fall from heaven. Behold, I give unto you power to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy: and nothing shall by any means hurt you. Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.

There is such a thing as taking a verse too literally. This is one of those times. For example, Psalm 91:13 tells the believer “you shall tread upon the lion.” How come you don’t see nitwits like this in a “lion-handling” church? It’s because they don’t want to be Siegfried & Roy’s farewell stage act, that’s why.

So, why snakes? Because people make their own limits with the Bible. The only challenge man would be for a lion would be making room for dessert. So, man in all his wisdom derides the whole ‘stepping on a lion’ thing and CHOOSES snakes instead. No bueno, you persnickety theologians out there. It’s Texas Hold-em. All or nothing.

That’s proof of literalism with the Scriptures. If you are going to be that black and white with one verse, do it with all of them. If you realize God may have inspired allegory, metaphor and aphorism with his writers, then you may want to learn to read between the lines. Much like the ‘Writing on the Wall’, the truth lies in the ink.

Oh, one last thing, you think PETA knows about this yet? IJS.