Archive for July 16, 2008

You know, I have many friends… some of which are “Bowling Pins”. You know the type, namely if they live in the South – big white belly, tall RED NECK (Yeah, thought you would get it now).

Suffice to say, I have sent this post to all of them for an exclusive peek into what would happen if they ever pastored a church.

Take an entertaining examination inside Windsor Hills Baptist Church in Oklahoma City, Okla. And after the lightning round of nasty calls, upset parents and the occasional arousal from THE POLICE, the YOUTH GROUP giveaway of the AR-15 SEMI AUTOMATIC MACHINE GUN was canceled.

Got your attention now?

“I don’t want people thinking. ‘My goodness, we’re putting a weapon in the hand of somebody that doesn’t respect it who are then going to go out and kill,'” said Bob Ross, the youth pastor at Windsor Hills. “That’s not at all what we’re trying to do.”

Seriously, Pastor NRA Acolyte? Are you sure your [COUGH] uh, “Church” isn’t a rouse for something affectionately called a COMPOUND?!

I mean, what on earth made you think giving a zit-faced, snot-nosed, peer-pressured induced kid a lethal weapon would be good for teaching adult responsibilities? What, the world of ‘hunting for something and dragging it home’ not providing enough inspiration for sermons these days? Tired of having to play catch-up with the megachurches in town, so you need some um, “differentiation”?

But, latest addition to the “Haven’t got a friggin’ clue” department:

Ross said the gun, which had already been purchased for the event, will be given away at next year’s conference.

MEMO to A-L-L parents: Stay the H-E-double hockey sticks away from this place unless you need target practice for duck hunting season.

Met Doug Jones.

Don’t know him by his name? It’s probably because he is usually dawning some envisaged, mystical outfit as seen in “Batman Returns”, “Pan’s Labyrinth” or even beloved intellectual Abe Sapien in “Hellboy” (currently breaking the bank in theaters).

[Editor’s Note: HiScrivener is highly partial to his other role as THE Silver Surfer. Yeah, Abe is him too. Hey, I’m a dork that loves posting snarky comments and adores Jesus. What can I say?]

At any rate, as betrothed as he is in this movie (and cleaning up at the Box Office because of it), Jones didn’t want the part initially BECAUSE OF HIS FAITH?! I know! But according to the afore-linked story, it’s true.

“Okay I have to respectfully find a way to tell Guillermo I can’t do this movie.” But then Jones, who has some Catholic roots and now refers to himself as a “generic Christian,” reflected on the script further and decided that his faith was actually being “nurtured and challenged” by the storyline.

He even has been seen taking cast members to church, witnessing to his director and praying on the set. Who knows, maybe when he fights Galactus as “The Silver Surfer” [coming to the screen in 2009… get ready, son], he can sing “He’s got the whole world in his hands” as he is blowing him up?! It could happen!

Hey, Mr. Director. Call me.

Well, maybe that’s a little exaggerated.

This is actually under the “GOD SIGHTING OF THE MONTH” category, but since we already had one ridiculous sighting this month, I thought I would get jiggy with it.

And here it is – God was found in a bowl of ice cream?! Seriously? You would think the A/C in heaven works fairly well and the Almighty wouldn’t have to be seen vacationing in the polar ice caps of your flippin’ freezer treats.

The story, from Salt Lake City, has a quote that is fitting for a story this absurd:

“Today it was so warm with the weather spimoni Jesus melted.  So, spimoni Jesus is no more.  And I kind of think it’d be kind of cool if in three days spumoni Jesus comes back,” said co-owner Steve Hatch.

“Spumoni”?! Why not German Chocolate for its flavor? Or since God is about all creeds and religions, hit up in some Neapolitan? You’re God, so splurge a little. Knock out a banana split or even for a “Ta-Dah” moment, show up in a Cherry Limeade. Now, that’s entertainment!