Archive for July 11, 2008

Coffee cans and a string to cellular technology. Singing acapella by an open fire to getting music via iPod. Hunting for meat for sustenance to whatever mystery meat they are putting in burgers at Mickey Ds.

Well, you get the idea. Technology has magnificent and haunting effects on mankind. And this is no exception…

This called, anointed and utterly lost [we’re talking four-year old kid at a zoo wailing for his parents] guy named Chad Smith of Birmingham, Ala. is the latest to make headlines and others operating loony bins ponder, “What will they think of next?”

That’s right, cyber sellers. Check your profiles and the picture above. You too could be in the market for a man and his family to pastor your next church with just the click of a mouse and browse through PayPal.

Smith and his wife, a woman’s ministry leader, are looking for a nondenominational church home but have found the competition tough. More than 300 pastors applied for the last job Smith was interested in, and he sees the eBay tactic as something that will set him apart.

Set you apart?! No kidding. Listen, there’s another definition for what you are doing. Just a sec… lemme get my Lincoln-Douglas debate booklets here… wait, I’m finding it… oh yeah, SLAVERY!

Somewhere in America, reparations experts and advocates are LMAO in hysterical fashion.

It’s been an interesting campaign for Ol’ Johnny boy.

More people talk about his heroic past and his hottie wife than they do about his issues. It could be that he never states them.

You know, except for staying in Iraq for 100 years and forget drilling for oil anywhere near U.S. soil. That said, McCain somehow gets 90 church leaders to gather ’round a table, draw straws and:

…decide to support Sen. John McCain as the presidential candidate who most shares their values.

Nice. The rest of this bit of insight to American voters is here thanks to Christianity Today.

“Who MOST shares their values.” Amazing. The most historic election of this generation gets a battle between the lesser of two evils for the Church. Getting swindled again, folks. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Run-amuck… oh, you know. How is that the Church gets the short end of the stick yet again?

One end of that masticated rind we have a master of telling us what he thinks we want to hear but also including what he really wants to do and cloaking it as ‘change’, Barack Obama. One the other end of that mauled piece of twig is a guy with ‘float shoulders’ and still can’t figure out if Christians want to vote for him (and don’t worry, the feeling is mutual), John McCain.

That debate was the center of attention at this “Preachers of the Round Table” symposium:

There was agreement to support McCain, but there were differing views about strategy. “There’s no question, everybody was on the same page that Obama was not an option,” he [the cat in charge of the discussion] said.

With this kind of decision making process, it’s no wonder the Church still thinks bake sales are a great way to earn hundreds of thousands of dollars for mission trips and renovations. Oh well, back to the ISSUES, people! You do know what those are, right? Just in case, it’s those monkeys on your back that keep making you be the absent-minded tools you’re being right now.

Well, sound the alarm, notify the troops and call the press. I have officially heard it all now. I’m done. My keyboard is being chucked out the window and onto some 98′ Ford stories below.

In today’s ultra litigious society where you can sue if someone looks at you wrong, there’s this tool suing for what he believes someone wrote about him… wait for it… more than 2,000 years ago!

Yep. Meet the royal court jester and idious maximus, Bradley Foster of Canton, Mich.

Brad here is suing Zondervan Publishing – known largely for making Bibles – for $60 million and Thomas Nelson Publishing – also has a fairly sizable market in Bible reproduction – for $10 million. For the mathematically challenged, that’s SEVENTY x SIX ZEROES for:

…claiming their versions of the Bible that refer to homosexuality as a sin violate his constitutional rights and have caused him emotional pain and mental instability.

Hey, legal beagles, ambulance chasers, barristers… I don’t care what your specialty is. THIS is why many in America hate you and wouldn’t consider peeing on you if you were on fire. Some dolt in your profession really thought he could champion this case based on its um, legal foundation. Seriously? Haven’t attorneys heard of Nancy Reagan and know how to “Just say NO!”

It’s THE BIBLE!!! Holy writ of God. If you don’t read it, cool. However, to this imbecile (Brad, and maybe the lawyer too), this is an opportunity to stop the madness. It’s been two millenia and that’s a tad too long to allow scriptures to say “neener, neener, neener” and talk about him and his friends. But to actually sue to change the words penned so long ago by a guy you never met because your diaper got wet is close to insane. Dude, it’s obvious you don’t go to church, so who cares? Why bother? An affront to you is a fight to the entire family? Is that it?

Fowler, 39, alleges Zondervan’s Bibles referring to homosexuality as a sin have made him an outcast from his family and contributed to physical discomfort and periods of “demoralization, chaos and bewilderment.” …The intent of the publisher was to design a religious, sacred document to reflect an individual opinion or a group’s conclusion to cause “me or anyone who is a homosexual to endure verbal abuse, discrimination, episodes of hate, and physical violence … including murder,” Fowler wrote.

Um, yeah. I am biting my tongue so hard blood is coming out of my nose. But suffice to say, what the Bible is saying has not made you an outcast from your family. Rather, your skewed definition of love according to the Bible is doing all the work for you. And MEMO to the simpleton who thinks the world revolves around him: Said publisher’s intent was to translate the Word of God passed on from generations, not to interpret their thoughts of it.

If you got a beef, make a way to see St. Peter face-to-face and bring him a subpoena for his land-LORD. I have a feeling, you may get a new definition for “Holy Shizzle.”