Satanist’s children may have to get some religion

Posted: July 10, 2008 in Keep it real, On Your Wall
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

You have to appreciate oxymorons and irony, you know? I have heard some funny ones. My Top 5 are:

  1. Why is there braille dots on an ATM
  2. Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word, and has no working abbreviation
  3. Ever notice a boxing ring is square
  4. If it’s a lethal injection, why sterilize the needle
  5. Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing

Well, here’s another that is causing a legal precedent. Meet Jamie Meyer – a regular guy in a sticky divorce.

Why? Jamie here a couple of years ago decided to see a burnt light bulb instead of the light and become a card-carrying member of the Church of Satan. Maybe, he bought all black clothing and began wearing ‘guy-liner’ and his wife got terse.

Whatever the reason, she is now fighting for obligatory ‘half’, legal custody of the kids (who wouldn’t with this guy) and one interesting amendment – he must be legally forced to allow his daughters to go to a Christian church.

This is worth cracking open a package of Jiffy Pop. Imagine this guy. He’s so bent against God, he does a 180 and leaves dust on his way to the dusty altar of Anton Szandor LaVey. Gets some sinister ink on his leg with an upside-down cross and brags about it to his family. Now, his wife has had enough with his Halloween party act and is going to make him watch Jesus bless his children. Genius. Lady, that’s what I call revenge.

Get this quote though from an authority in that other church:

“Satanism is the world’s first carnal religion,” said Peter Gilmore, high priest of the Manhattan-based organization founded four decades ago. “Satanists are thus atheists—not devil worshipers—and we see Satan as being a symbol of pride, liberty and individualism, not a deity.”

So dude is an atheist; yet, you belong to the Church of Satan. God hates evil, many verses in the Bible discuss a real Mephistopheles; yet, he’s just a symbol. Hey Pete, you may want to check under your collar because Anton sacrilegiously wrote something called “The 9 Satanic Statements.” I’d like to call your attention (and that of James) to #9:

Satan has been the best friend the Church has ever had, as he has kept it in business all these years.

Um, remember that adoration of oxymoronic irony? Enter Exhibit A. How can “he” not exist now? I thought you were an atheist? And if this statement is so true, then why fight it be claiming the prince of the power of the air is just an “idea.” It seems you may not be sure what you are doing in church, but if this Fulton County judge has his way, those girls sure will, and James gets a ringside seat. Maybe that’s a good thing.

I suppose that’s why you never see psychics winning the lottery. They’re probably lying to themselves too.

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