Have you seen this story? Mine is from the Detroit Free Press, but I’m sure it’s found in the Salt Lake City Tribune, somewhere.
Anywhoo, the [GASP] Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, or the Mormons [WHEW] has called a doctor… a SPIN DOCTOR. They have seen the countless stories in the news about FLDS, the polygamist sect that fancied young girls in Eldorado, Texas. Then again, who hasn’t seen these stories.
Moroni flapped his wings, er, don’t that kind of angel… blew his bugel and the alarm sounded in the hills of Utah. The temple in Salt Lake is fed up with retrieving calls in their voice mail about Warren Jeffs and his affinity for mid-life crises. So, they are speaking out… and not a moment too soon:
“People have the right to worship as they choose, and we aren’t interested in attacking someone else’s beliefs,” said LDS church apostle Quentin Cook. “At the same time, we have an obligation to define ourselves, rather than be defined by events and incidents that have nothing to do with us… Mormons have nothing whatsoever to do with this polygamous sect in Texas.”
Way to set yourself apart from the netherdudes in the Lone Star State, Q. You think shacking up with little girls, making them little mommies and trading them in for a younger model is um, “WORSHIP”?!
Music and song touching the heart of God. THAT’S worship! Even the melodious voices of that heavenly choir and majestic organ you kids are rocking in Salt Lake is worship. What these iniquitous vagabonds did in Texas is called CRIMINAL.
Oh, and if you are truly concerned about defining yourself with this clammy-handed, limp-wristed shot over the bow, try playing Wheel of Fortune and get the media to flip over the first consonant there.
After all, when America reads those stories or this one, they only have one question, “What the eff?!”
Think about it, Apostle!