Apocalypse Watch: Operation Retail World Order

Posted: June 17, 2008 in Good for a Giggle, IJS, Snap, Crackle and POP Culture
Tags: , , , ,

Now this isn’t a hard conservative view on the frivolities going on in San Francisco today. Although I could go off on either tangent, I’ll save that for a rainy day with HiScrivener is without an umbrella.

No, this is touching on the product marketing page. Forget the eschatological studies about the sign of the beast and how that applies to commerce. Who needs that stark reminder when you have lunacy hitting the aisles like this cybernetic hook up and promoting baby hoochie-mamas.

Sweet, huh?

First, a robot becoming your ‘significant other’ is enough for a one-way ticket to a padded cell. Are you telling me fellas in Japan think pickens are so slim in Tokyo that, “Girl, I’ll blow your circuit breaker” seems like a catchy line in the club?

Seriously? EMA has a ‘love mode’. Well, there are other battery operated devices on the market, but those usually belong in shady stores and require lots of counseling once deliverance has set in.

Second, what’s next on the baby market? Bedazzled diapers for those special nights of drooling and playing in his or her food?

Look at this from the story: The tiny stilettos, called Heelarious, are intended for babies up to six months and come in hot pink, black and leopard print. What’s worse here? The stripper color scheme or the fact that these are for UP TO SIX MONTHS!

Parents, does your prima donna daughter have an admirer at daycare that will see her traipsing (or waddling… or being wheeled) into class. He lights a cigarette and casually says, “Oooowe, girl. I like the way those stilettos accentuate your legs and diaper line. Can I get your mama’s digits and ga-ga you sometime?”

Lord, have mercy! If those skies part soon, I am steering as fast away from Macy’s as possible!


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