Archive for June, 2008

In 2002, a legal case of biblical proportions hit a Texas courtroom that caused the Church to ask, “What took so long?”

You’ve seen “The Exorcist,” you know what happens. She screams, the preachers lays hands, Jesus does his majestic part, and they all live happily ever after… or some such. That didn’t happen at Pleasant Glade Assembly of God church in Colleyville, Texas, according to this recap story from the Fort Worth Star-Telegram.

After the aerobic activity in Jesus name, the family eventually sued the church, saying that their daughter had been abused and falsely imprisoned, but the 2002 trial never touched on the religious aspects of the case. The church’s attorneys told a Tarrant County jury that Schubert’s [the girl in question] psychological problems were caused by traumatic events she witnessed while her parents were serving as missionaries in Africa.

During the incident, asked for by the girl’s parents, she suffered carpet burns, a scrape on her back and bruises on her wrists. Evidently, after the exorcism, it was quite the gossip button and Schubert experienced angry outbursts, weight loss and self-mutilation and eventually dropped out of high school her senior year. She was later diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder.

Long story, short. The Schuberts won $300K for mental anguish, but then the Texas Supreme Court intervened and cut that amount in half.

“Freedom to believe may be absolute, but freedom of conduct is not, and ‘conduct even under a religious guise remains subject to regulation for public safety,’ ” Chief Justice Medina wrote.

[David] Pruessner, the church’s attorney, agreed, saying that church members were simply trying to help Schubert and that there wasn’t any evil intent.

“This was clearly a religious controversy, and I don’t see how anyone can argue that they were seizing on religion as a get-out-of-jail-free card,” Pruessner said. “I disagree vehemently with the spiritual beliefs of the church and how they handled it; it doesn’t mean they are legally liable.”

Man! Whoever thought when Linda Blair spit up all that split pea soup, it would have caused some sort of legal precedent. Hollywood, eh?

There is nothing more humorous than someone abusing the English language and believing they are contributing to it [COUGH… Al Shaprton… Jesse Jackson… COUGH].

Take the classic skit, “Booked on Phonics” from ‘In Living Color’ (apologies to Wall watchers for the risque content, but it was the only one I could find.)

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more about “Report: Atheists and God have new und…“, posted with vodpod

That hilarity reminded me of something I saw in the news recently from the Pew Forum. You see, even religious groups find themselves in a quandary of saying what they believe, and believing they need to take Noah Webster out on a date.

You see, according to this chart given in the aforementioned report, many groups of people believe in God but may not follow his word implicitly. And that includes…


Let me break this down for you, free thinkers out there. You see, the derivative of these controversial words are Greek:

  • “Atheos” meaning “to deny the gods.” A is an article in speech meaning “without” and Theos means “God”.
  • And then there is “Agnostos” meaning “unknowable” from a meaning “without” and Gnostos meaning “knowledge”.

That said, referring to this slick graph, 21 percent of Atheists “BELIEVE IN GOD”, as do 55 percent of reported Agnostics.

Huh? I suggest next time these etymology-impaired people decide to ascribe to a particular religious school of thought, figure out what it means. Otherwise, we’ll just assume you need prayer because you have no clue WHAT you believe (like now).

Last week, we began our campaign trail series, “MOVE 2008” with a little diatribe about ‘Focus on the Family’ founder and beloved evangelical leader, James Dobson, calling out Barack Obama for biblical revisionism.

Not a day after that story went public, a Web site was launched aptly titled, “” was put into the cyber-verse for all those concerned. Of course, you presume an Obama fan, staffer or strategist would be the culprit behind it. However, I’m sure Colorado Springs was buzzing when word came out that no other than Rev. Kirbyjon Caldwell was the Site’s mastermind.

Yeah, THAT Caldwell – Bush 43 consultant, spiritual adviser, officiant of Jenna Bush’s wedding and pastor of one of the most prestigious churches in the country. Check out the story from the Washington Post. Ya’ think when the morning paper and presidential cup of Dunkin’ Donuts hit the Resolute Desk, President Bush was scratching his back where that knife wound was left?

“I think it’s a crime and a shame that Senator Obama has had to explain the fact that he’s a Christian,” Caldwell said in a recent interview. “Criticize his politics. Criticize his stance on whatever, but don’t question his faith. Never in the history of American politics has someone said that he is a Christian and someone came back to say, ‘No you’re not.'”

He’s right, you know. Just because some misguided and delusional rednecks out there make light (Shoot, light? More like a solar flare) out of Barack Hussein Obama’s controversial middle name, people have presumed he was Muslim from jump street. Although that is incorrect, unfortunate and just sad, Caldwell really should see Dobson’s point of view as well.

This homogenized ‘we-are-the-world’ theology that is being propagated by Hollywood and Capitol Hill is revolting. The Bible says what it says, and simply because the Holy Writ doesn’t appear as P.C. as the rest of these lukewarm, pew warming tools on the coasts, doesn’t mean you have carte blanche to rewrite a psalm for complete inclusion.

Personally, I think many evangelists are attacking Obama on the street of religious belief is because ‘their horse in this race’ isn’t even parking his “Straight Talk” bus anywhere on the pavement. And, according to the enclosed slick ad and strategic political speak, Obama is having a flippin’ block party.

Earlier this morning, I was reading and praying about that very thing. In case you’re wondering:

For though I be free from all men, yet have I made myself servant unto all, that I might gain the more. And unto the Jews I became as a Jew, that I might gain the Jews; to them that are under the law, as under the law, that I might gain them that are under the law;

To them that are without law, as without law, (being not without law to God, but under the law to Christ,) that I might gain them that are without law. To the weak became I as weak, that I might gain the weak: I am made all things to all men, that I might by all means save some.

And this I do for the gospel’s sake, that I might be partaker thereof with you.

(I Corinthians 9:19-23)

Now while this is a portion in scripture that ALL Christians need to take more seriously, I bring this up for a giggle. I had to stop my meditation because I began laughing out loud thinking about an entirely new definition of Jesus being all things to all people. That includes anyone’s interpretation of him as well. Enjoy this pontification and exhortation from the noted scholar, “Ricky Bobby”.

See, some of you Wall Watchers are giggling already. Enjoy your weekend!

Pope Hillary I? Huh?

Posted: June 28, 2008 in Denominational Fun, IJS, Politics

I fancy myself as a wordsmith. I chose these little descriptors carefully to describe what I am discussing. As should we all.

You know, I don’t call athletes, HEROES. That description is reserved for those brave men and women that have served our country, or others saving lives (i.e. firefighters, police officers). Just because you can run through a punishing front line doesn’t make you heroic, it just makes you worth the millions of dollars you get paid. I love to cook, but I don’t say “This meal is to DIE FOR.” That exclamation is reserved for your country and family.

Anyone feel me out there?

That said, former DNC (Democratic National Convention) chairman Terry McAuliffe rather thinks outrageous, inane and jeering hyperboles are fashionable. I mean as in, “Satan, may I please have a glass of water” statements. You see this ridiculous story?

He said, “She [Clinton] will have a bright future despite having to end her presidential bid no matter what she does. If she wants to become pope, it doesn’t matter.”

Seriously?! MEMO to this tool with no grasp of reality or knowing the limits of someone’s abilities: If you thought conservative America ate her up during the primaries, wait until the closet rednecks of Roman Catholicism get a hold of her.

Move over B16, heeeeeeeeeere’s Hilary. This is a church that has a slight issue with women in the pulpit, and McCatholic here wants to put his boss, er… friend in the Holy See. As if foreign relations weren’t that tense already. I know the Pontiff will not be sending out a statement on this, but if he did, it would probably begin with, “Oy Vey!”

P.S. Before you ask, Yes. HiScrivener already knows about the highly contested Pope Joan, but I’m sure that will coming to the big screen any day now.