Armed with Jesus

Posted: May 28, 2008 in Good for a Giggle, IJS, On Your Wall
Tags: ,

…literally.

Ta-dahHave you seen this inane story out of Jacksonville?

Police say two friends were standing outside a Riverside home late Wednesday night when a white van pulled up and stopped beside them. Two women told police two men got out of a van and the driver stayed behind the wheel.

The two women were terrified and confused because the young men robbing them at gunpoint had hopped out of what they said appeared to be a church van.

MEMO to the Jesus lovin’ bandits: I realize tithes and offerings are taking a hit, given the economy and all, but this is a bit extreme, don’t you think? Oh sure, there’s that scripture in Malachi letting you know people rob God, but the Bible also declares that “vengeance is the Lord’s.”

Just because you love God doesn’t give you the right to become his personal bill collectors. Buck up, lil’ campers. Jesus has their number. He’ll just drop those ladies a line in the middle of flippin’ dinner while the food is hot and the family is all at the table [gasp, breath] like he does with everyone (or maybe that’s just me).

So, to all Wall Watchers in Florida, write this down:

Police reports say the two men who get out the van are black men in black shirts, jean shorts, and gray and black hats. They are in a white van with dark tinted windows and faded red lettering that appears to say, “We Love Jesus.”

If you these tools driving around, you have permission to do the following:

  1. Report these dorks to the authorities. There’s $1000 in it for you, and you know, you can give an offering off that as well to make nice with the [cue scary music] the Sovereign Bill Collector
  2. Call the nearest ‘tote the note’ car lot, because this van needs to be curbside with the quickness
  3. Imagine an ironic encounter. Wouldn’t it be great if the vigilante that catches ‘Thelma and Louise’ here was a 6’8″, 300 lb. satanist group? Man, I would cancel my PPV for the UFC next month to watch that.
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Comments
  1. […] rediscoveringchurch wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptMEMO to the Jesus lovin’ bandits: I realize tithes and offerings are taking a hit, given the economy and all, but this is a bit extreme, don’t you think? Oh sure, there’s that scripture in Malachi letting you know people rob God, … […]

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